Chapter 8, I think I am enchanted

I fear it most when my mother says such things. What ability do I, a working girl who has to constantly read others' expressions and let myself be manipulated, really have!

Jian Chenye stood beside me, laughing heartily and said, "You just keep talking."

In reality, I cannot distinguish at all whether what is rolling down my face is water or tears

I let out a deep sigh, and tears started to flow.

It is no exaggeration to say that when Qiao Chu smiled, it truly illuminated the entire tavern, making all the young ladies inside appear instantly disheveled and downtrodden

After getting off the car, I was unexpectedly surprised to see Jian Chenye actually waiting for me at the station, and my fatigue was suddenly swept away: "Oh, you really timed it perfectly!"

I replied to him in a perfunctory manner, "It's nothing, I'm taking a shower."

She is merely an ordinary woman who did not have the opportunity to receive higher education. In such an era, during those years, the most important thing in her life was to work hard every day, earn a meager income, and raise her daughter together with her equally ordinary husband.

In the scalding water pouring down, I trembled all over, crying uncontrollably

Good things? I let out a cold laugh in my heart. Jian Chenye, you are too naive. You don't really think that there is money inside, do you? Hehe

This statement is clearly directed at my mother, but in reality, it is also a form of self-comfort for me

One afternoon when I was eight years old, I was playing with several other children of the same age in the yard. While we were playing, I don't remember who suggested that we go to the pond to pick lotus leaves.

If back in the days when I was in college, my mother had to borrow money from relatives to help me pay for tuition out of necessity, then now, as a working professional who has been away from campus for two or three years, how can I face myself if I accept my mother's money!

We sat on the large rock, playing with water and lotus leaves, joyfully unaware of the passage of time, and in the blink of an eye, we found ourselves playing until sunset

At that moment, although I was smiling on the outside, deep down, I inexplicably felt a strong desire to cry

I cried as I reached down to pick up the shoes that had slipped off my feet, which were already filled with mud and emitted a strong, foul odor

The bottom layer of the cloth bag consists of several neatly folded one hundred yuan banknotes

When I stood at the entrance of door 79, suddenly, I knew where I was going to run.

Everything inside the iron gate feels familiar to me; every blade of grass, every tree, every brick, and every tile brings me comfort

Several years ago, on a certain night, Jian Chenye and I were watching a movie on the computer in his rented apartment. Suddenly, a fierce wind began to blow outside, as if the end of the world had come, followed by a torrential rainstorm that besieged the city.

As soon as Jian Chenye returned to the apartment, he eagerly took the cloth bag into the kitchen. I intended to lie on the sofa and rest for a few minutes before removing my makeup and taking a shower, but before I could even sit down, I heard a clamor of clattering sounds coming from the kitchen

On the table were two dishes, one was stir-fried preserved vegetables with meat, and the other was tiger skin green peppers. My mother and I were sitting face to face, chatting casually about my recent situation. Of course, I would never let her know that I had my leg broken by someone a while ago.

I dropped my computer, ran to the balcony, and pressed my face against the window, wide-eyed, looking outside. Jin Chenye chased after me and asked in confusion, "What happened?"

No matter how contemptuous I was towards it in the past, on this night, I finally came face to face with it

She is too lazy to talk to me: "You go, remember to take everything with you."

How is his current situation?

Is this going to be a rebellion

Later I thought, perhaps it is because there are indeed too few things that I can control, far too few

Do you understand this feeling? Have you ever had the same feeling?

This cheongsam is not from those popular crown stores on Taobao, but it was custom-made by Qiao Chu at a famous old brand during a trip to Suzhou. It took two to three months to receive it. Although it is not as expensive as luxury goods, it is still quite pricey.

I smiled at her awkwardly and said: "I didn't sleep at home, I didn't bring my makeup remover, and it's also inconvenient to take a shower"

I don't want to go shopping, I don't want to read or surf the internet, I don't want to answer anyone's phone calls, my mind is full of this Min Lang, whom I have only met once.

I blinked my eyes and my nose felt a little sour.

After I grew up, whenever I recall this bustling scene, I can't help but sigh with relief that the era was relatively innocent and simple. The bad guys didn't have such quick minds. Otherwise, if human traffickers quietly lurked in our yard for two or three days, they would definitely be able to capture all the children in the entire yard.

In the days following my return, I repeatedly listened to that song, listening while eating, while taking a bath, putting on headphones before sleeping, and still listening upon waking up

What she can do for me is to provide three warm meals every day, wash my dirty clothes tirelessly, hand over the tuition fees to me on time every semester, confiscate the extracurricular books in my drawer that she thinks will affect my studies, and warn me repeatedly not to fall in love too early.

While others, all stood on the shore and laughed heartily.

There will be no neurotic person disturbing peaceful dreams by mistakenly knocking on the door to catch a mistress.

That was the age of being playful, where nobody had a sense of safety, as long as it was fun, that was enough, nobody would be nagging, those who were overly cautious would be looked down upon by their peers.

The first time I heard this name was on the street of Baihui, where you casually mentioned him and that small tavern. You briefly described his background, but you didn't know that your casual words had a profound impact on my heart.

After a while, I ambiguously responded with a "Hmm" to her.

Whenever I close my eyes, I can see his appearance.

My mother said to me while serving rice, "Your father has gone out with the car and won't be back until next week. I'll be alone at home, so just have something simple to eat."

I finished this sentence in one breath, and my mother on the other end of the phone remained calm and said slowly, "Are you silly? Others would be happy when they find money, but you are getting angry. Just take it and use it, it's not much anyway. You can use it to buy some food or clothes for yourself. Figure it out on your own. Oh, the TV show is starting, I'm hanging up."

That afternoon after I finished showering, I opened the wardrobe and saw that crescent white qipao. Suddenly, a very crazy idea popped into my mind.

Back then, the pond had not dried up yet, with some decorations like artificial hills in the middle, which were actually just large rocks, especially big ones that could accommodate two or three children sitting on top.

A few short sentences made me feel both guilty and ashamed. To be honest, it was my fault. They even went to the station to pick me up without holding a grudge, can't I even cook a bowl of noodles?

The difference is that the woman who opened the door has aged significantly.

Jian Chenye called my name from outside the door: "Zhao Jue, Zhao Jue, are you alright?"

Why is it that at just over twenty years old, I feel like a menopausal woman, finding everything displeasing? I picked up the remote control and pressed every button, yet there wasn't a single channel I could bear to watch

Reporting joy but not worry has been a principle that I have consistently adhered to for over twenty years.

The television screen is fixed on a shopping channel, and today's special offer is a magical mop, accompanied by a bucket with a wringing function. Purchase a set of mops and receive ten mop heads for free. The host exclaims in an extremely exaggerated tone: "It is truly a great deal, dear! Hurry and pick up the phone to place your order"

At that moment, my breath stopped.

She has never attempted to communicate with me on a spiritual level. Perhaps she has thought about it, but she doesn't know where to start or how to proceed.

By now, I can no longer recall whether I genuinely found the act of picking lotus leaves interesting at the time, or if I was simply afraid of being ridiculed by everyone if I did not go.

Do you remember the black and white photo in my bedroom? It was taken when I was twenty-three years old by a photographer I specifically hired, who charged a very high fee.

Just as I was squatting under the shower, crying in pain, Qiao Chu had already gotten out of the taxi. She walked straight to No. 79, hesitated for a moment at the door, and ultimately stepped through that door.

In fact, I do not know where to begin regarding my relationship with Min Lang

It seems that since I can remember, the things in this room have never changed

No matter how vast the world is or how long life may be, there are very few places that allow you to utter the word "return"

This day has been incredibly long, my head resting against the rain-washed car window, I let out a long sigh

I often stand in the shadows of those skyscrapers that seem to have sprung up overnight, gazing at the increasingly unfamiliar contours of this city. At times, I feel tense and afraid, experiencing an inexplicable sense of alienation, although I do not know the specific reason for it

I detest such a fate, I loathe my own cowardice and incompetence, and I am even more resentful that a mere five hundred yuan has placed me in such immense feelings of guilt and frustration

The table is topped with a glaring light bulb, devoid of any lampshade, and years of smoke and fire have left it coated with a layer of grease.

I replied to him with a brief message: I am on the way, do not rush me

She does not possess the delicate sensibility to care about the issues her daughter encounters during her development, nor can she understand how sensitive and particular a growing girl can be about trivial matters.

I took a deep breath and said, "I don't know!"

My mother finally came out of the kitchen, holding a cloth bag: "I packed some vegetables for you, remember to take them when you leave tomorrow"

My mother finished the last bite of rice in the bowl, stood up to clear the dishes, paused for a moment, and then said: "You are not young anymore; you need to think clearly about your own matters. A young woman's youth lasts only a few years, and choosing the wrong man can be a lifelong issue. I know this from experience."

Zhaojue, I know that you will surely laugh at me upon seeing this; it turns out that the experienced Qiao Chu is nothing more than this.

Shame, I feel so ashamed; there are no other words that can describe my feelings at this moment.

I rushed back to the living room and took out my phone, and without saying a word, I dialed my mother's number: "What is the matter with the money in that bag? Who told you to give me money? Can't I earn it myself?"

Indeed, this is quite depraved, and it is precisely the reason why I have written this letter but do not dare to send it to you. I understand that from your perspective, this matter is well-defined—two players in the game have developed a further relationship.

I tried not to think about this person, not to think about the address 79 in the white ash, but after a few days, I realized that I simply could not do it

I try to present myself as very indifferent

Walking past this basketball court, there are two residential buildings behind it. After walking a bit further, one can see an old pond that has long since dried up; it has been without water for over 800 years, let alone fish and lotus flowers.

After dinner, I slumped on the sofa like a useless person, watching television. My phone, set to vibrate mode, emitted a chirping sound from my bag. No matter whose call it was, I had no desire to answer it for the time being

At that time, there was no concern for any sense of self-respect

This place is neither bustling nor a paradise beyond the world; even the memories associated with it are not entirely pleasant, filled with complex emotions from the past. However, as long as you stand here, you can sincerely say, I have returned

To speak honestly, at that time I was actually quite indecisive and timid, afraid that everyone would do things without including me, fearful of being abandoned and isolated. I was in such need of being part of a group.

Indeed, I have no reason to be nervous; I have long since passed the age when a little girl would panic and feel flustered at the sight of a handsome rogue, or to put it another way, I have never experienced such a phase.

I will never forget the feeling after my foot stepped into the mud, my entire leg sinking deeper and deeper, my mind filled with the passages from textbooks describing the Red Army's Long March through the marshes

"What do you need cleansing oil for? Isn't soap enough to get clean?" My mother shot me a glance and continued, "What's inconvenient about taking a bath? Just heat some water and wash in a basin. Haven't you been doing it this way since you were little? Now that you have some ability, you look down on this family?"

Run, Qiao Chu, don't hold back

I turned my head to look out the window, the rain had stopped, and the moon in the sky had fallen into the small puddle on the ground

In fact, I did not let myself go from the very beginning, I am not lying to you, I have also made efforts to restrain myself.

As I watched my companions gradually walk away, I felt increasingly anxious. The more anxious I became, the more flustered I felt, and in my fluster, I began to stumble.

I do not know if I simply do not have a cerebellum; while others gracefully returned to the shore like swallows, I was still searching for a place to step down from the large rock, looking as clumsy as a bear.

I do not remember how long I ran or how far I ran, the cold wind howled past my body, yet I felt no chill, all I could hear was the voice of the photographer, still shouting: "Run, Qiao Chu."

Jian Chenye looked at me in surprise and said, "What is going on?"

At this time every day, the yard is filled with the sounds of calls such as "××, ×××, come back for dinner." Back then, there were no high-tech products like mobile phones; everyone relied on their voices to carry messages over long distances. When parents called for their children to come home, the children would respond with a cheerful "coming!" demonstrating a perfect understanding between them.

Today is not the weekend, and there are not many people in the tavern. Min Lang has his back to the entrance, seemingly engaged in conversation with a few young ladies, who are all laughing heartily.

I do not blame her, I simply... feel very lonely

After several minutes, I silently walked into the bathroom, closed the door, took off my clothes, turned on the water heater, and stood motionless under the showerhead, the scalding hot water reddening my skin.

In the small pot, water was boiling. While he was preparing the soup ingredients in a bowl, he said to me without turning his head: "How can you say that? You don't come back for dinner and don't answer my calls. I've only eaten a few pieces of biscuit, I'm already starving like a fool. Now I'm boiling some noodles, and you still scold me."

In the middle of the night, I woke up and saw the white qipao discarded on the floor, and a secret, strange joy welled up within me, accompanied by a faint sense of shame

I sat on that bed, which was older than I am, looking up at the mottled water stains on the ceiling, a patchwork of damp yellow.

Love, to me, is like the side dish next to a prime steak, the strawberry on a cream cake, something that is optional

She truly keeps her word, not giving me another chance to say a word before hanging up the phone

I do not know what my mother is bustling about in the kitchen, in a house the size of a matchbox, where could there be so many endless chores to do

Nor will there be any misfortune that falls from the sky and causes my motorcycle to suffer a fracture

The rough concrete floor, the basketball hoop has rusted beyond recognition, and the backboard appears so frail that it could fall at any moment. Nevertheless, there are still energetic children running around and playing on the court.

There was indeed a moment when I thought I was doomed

He disdainfully curled his lip and said: "Idiot, I came out as soon as I received your message, and I waited for you for half an hour... Sigh, you farmer, how could you be carrying a cloth bag? What is inside it?"

Are you still together with that boy? My mother suddenly asked me this question, which left me a bit at a loss.

There will not be a manager who, in order to please the girlfriend of the big boss, unjustly dismisses an employee who has committed no wrongdoing

I mean, before meeting Min Lang

Surprisingly, she did not apply any lipstick, and this detail somewhat reveals her intentions for the evening

After a while, I softly said: "My house is going to leak water again"

Then, I cried out loud

None of them spoke, they simply looked at each other, and in the exchange of their gazes, sparks flew. In that moment, the lights, the music, and the confusion, suspicion, and hostility reflected in the eyes of those around them all vanished into thin air

This is the old courtyard where I grew up, the place I am most familiar with in this world. No matter how great the grievances I suffer outside, no matter how difficult, exhausting, lonely, or desolate it may be, it will always keep its large iron gate open, waiting for me.

However, Zhao Jue, I have finally felt that kind of thing

Qiao Chu

When I put it on and sat in front of the mirror to start applying makeup, I knew that I might be doomed

I thought for a moment and said: "He has a collaboration opportunity recently, and he is still considering it. I have also changed jobs, and things should gradually improve in the future"

Even when wearing a simple white T-shirt and a pair of jeans to the supermarket, Qiao Chu is the kind of girl who can definitely attract attention. Not to mention tonight, she has made up her mind from the very beginning to be the center of attention in the crowd, to ensure that Min Lang's gaze does not leave her for a moment

As I grew older and reflected on similar experiences, I gradually realized that I could, to some extent, empathize with some of the difficulties my mother faced

Over the years, I have witnessed and experienced many fluctuations in human sentiment, and I have long understood the meaning of the fickleness of the world. In short, I have always believed that I possess sufficient experience and insight, making it unlikely for me to be easily moved by any person or thing.

I opened the cloth bag, and inside, besides the jar of pickled vegetables, there were also some smoked fish and sausages. I took them out one by one and placed them in the refrigerator

I held my phone, trembling all over, as if there were an atomic bomb about to explode inside my chest

I put down my chopsticks and sighed: "Mom, you have been saying this for almost a lifetime."

He snorted: "This is somewhat like the appearance of a virtuous wife"

Having changed into my shoes and slung my bag over my shoulder, I turned back and smiled at my mother, saying: "I will come back to see you in a few days after I receive my salary"

I stormed into the kitchen, filled with resentment, and glared at Jian Chenye: "What are you doing? It's so noisy!"

He does not know that I am not joking

There will not be a wealthy second-generation friend suddenly appearing and asking you to accompany her to a hotel to catch someone in the act

There is a dilapidated basketball court at the entrance of the yard

Over the years, just from watching television, I have come to know that many significant events have occurred on this planet: changes in power, the disintegration of alliances, the collapse of walls, the rise and fall of empires... The world is operating at the speed of light, and even the city we live in is no longer the same as I remember it in the beginning

I got up and walked to the kitchen door, leaning against the doorframe as I watched her packing pickles into a glass jar, pressing them down a little, as if afraid that I wouldn't have enough to eat

Undoubtedly, she has always been a competent mother

I waited for more than twenty minutes at the bus stop before the last bus finally arrived. It was only after I got on the bus that I remembered my phone had rung earlier. I took it out to check and saw that there were three missed calls, all from Jian Chenye

I have never experienced such a feeling, not even during my first love. I do not know how to describe it, nor do I know how to explain my absurd behavior. In the dead of night, I took the initiative to go to a man I had only met for the second time. Even more absurdly, when he kissed me, I trembled as if it were my first time.

The world transforms into nothingness, and they stand silently in tacit understanding amidst the chaos, each being the only source of light in the darkness.

The outfit she is wearing today is a crescent white qipao

Those things that I once thought were dispensable, those things that I considered merely the scraps of life, those things that I once believed had no value and no meaning at all, ... those things that I thought I had already seen through, those things that tightly bound you and Jian Chenye together ...

What face do I have to ask a person living in a leaking, dilapidated house to take money from her pension to subsidize my life

The cries summoned the companions who had walked far away back. Among them, one or two stronger children quickly climbed onto the large rock where I was, pulling, tugging, and straining with all their might, and after a tremendous effort, they finally managed to pull me out of the mud

I enjoy money, I like luxury goods, and I go to Hong Kong to shop once a month, traveling abroad twice a year. I like to dress myself beautifully, receiving compliments from the opposite sex and envy from the same sex

When I first got to know you, you told me some stories about you and Jian Chenye. You mentioned that during your most difficult times, you could only afford to eat pickled vegetables that cost 1 yuan per pack with plain rice. You also said that in the past, you would only pay a few dozen yuan for the electricity bill at a time, and it would run out immediately, even suspecting that the neighbors had tapped into your line.

The text states that in the swamp, the faster one moves, the quicker one sinks, and the sooner one dies

This feeling lasted until just before singing, until he announced in front of everyone that this song was dedicated to me

As for being unconventional, following my own path, and loving whomever I choose, those are matters for a long time in the future

While my mother was busy in the kitchen, I stayed in her bedroom for a while

For the first time in my life, I feel that I might be able to love someone

Then, I saw this person in the tavern. At first glance, I could tell that he must be very popular with girls, the kind of character who could easily drive young women wild.

Mom, don't put so much, I can't eat it. I deliberately pretended to be a bit impatient

I am in despair and do not dare to struggle at all

Min Lang stood in place, wearing a smile that suggested he was fully aware of the situation, gazing at her, while she maintained her graceful posture, motionless, receiving his gaze.

"You two can always eat your fill." She couldn't even be bothered to glance at me and continued, "Don't expect this family to provide you with anything else of value. Next time you come back, let me know in advance so I can prepare a few dishes."

She looked at me deeply and did not speak again

In truth, how reluctant I am to walk down the street carrying that cloth bag, but I also know that resistance is futile, so it is better to obediently comply.

I was both angry and anxious, wishing I could jump up and explain to my mother: "How could I look down on this family? But the soap really doesn't clean the cosmetics properly!"

I know that my mother will never ask me what happened, she will only complain about having to wash such dirty clothes and shoes for me, she will never understand what happened in my life during those brief minutes spent stuck in the mud

As soon as this sycophantic fellow heard that it was prepared by my mother, he immediately put on a fawning expression and said: "So it is the intention of my esteemed mother-in-law, hurry home and let me see what good things there are."

I almost trembled as I took them out, trembling as I counted them, one, two, three, four, five, five hundred yuan, each note felt like a blade gently slicing across my heart

Upon exiting the community gate, she signaled for a taxi.

I cannot remember which year I bought the mooncakes during the Mid-Autumn Festival, the mooncakes have long been eaten, yet the box has been kept until now

It came very late, but it eventually arrived

When I knocked on the door, I was already prepared to be scolded mercilessly

When I hear about these matters, on one hand, I feel very moved, and on the other hand... how should I put it, I think you are remarkable. If it were me, I absolutely could not endure such a life

It was winter, in an endless open space, and I was wearing a thin dress. The photographer, holding the camera, was frantically pressing the shutter while loudly shouting: "Run, Qiao Chu, don't hunch up, you can do it!"

This is the place, Zhao Jue, so this is where it is

I think I am enchanted

Your smile is quite right, and I am just the same

I have advised my mother many times to get rid of it, and I bought her new storage boxes, but she always complains that I do not know how to manage a household—"It is quite good to have sewing supplies, why should I throw them away?"

For an eight-year-old child, it is a matter of life and death

She looked at me with a face full of disdain and waved her hand, saying, "Just take care of yourself."

But as long as I stand at the entrance of this courtyard, as long as I return here, I feel safe

I sat on the edge of the bed, gazing at Min Lang's sleeping face, trembling with excitement

I can no longer cry; the mascara is cheap and not waterproof. I took a deep breath to steady my emotions and walked out of the bedroom

As I picked up the last box of rice noodles that had already been mixed and was ready to be steamed into a dish, my gaze fell upon another item inside the cloth bag.

When my hand knocks on the old iron door of my home, the scene from my childhood vividly comes to mind

After closing the car door, she softly uttered an address: Baihuili

Here, there will be no landlord who speaks to you in a condescending manner, saying, "If you don't pay the rent, I will throw all your belongings out"

But in the past, it was not like this; it used to be beautiful and poetic

Meanwhile, Qiao Chu had already finished her makeup. The blush she chose today was the famous Orgasm by Nars, a name that evokes endless imagination and subtly aligns with Qiao Chu's purpose of stealthily moving in fine attire at night

This courtyard remains the same as before

Someone patted Min Lang on the shoulder and informed him that guests had arrived. He turned around and immediately saw Qiao Chu, who was leaning against the door and smiling.

I understood her meaning very well. I thought to myself, why not just ask him if he has become wealthy now? However, another voice in my heart was saying, be patient, it is rare to meet in person, to be able to sit down and have a meal calmly, do not let your bad temper ruin it.

Although I know that this statement is actually meant to flatter you and Jian Chenye, and is merely a polite remark, I cannot help but feel very pleased in my heart

In summary, that afternoon, just like any other day, every household began preparing dinner, and parents started calling their children home, including my mother

But that night, as he played the guitar and sang, firmly gazing at me amidst the bustling crowd, I felt something hard within me, deep in my chest, slowly disintegrating

Zhaojue

I threw the cloth bag at him with annoyance and said: "Do you think I want to? My mother insisted that I bring it over, and I can't leave without taking it."

That evening, I was in such a disheveled state, dragging a dirty black leg, holding a stinky shoe, and limping home barefoot.

There will be no difficult boss asking me about my bust size

The chipped old wardrobe is filled with a strong scent of the 1990s, and the mirror in the middle has been repeatedly affixed with transparent tape countless times. On the empty dressing table, there is only a bottle of floral water and two long-standing mooncake boxes, with the words "Happiness and Reunion" printed on the tin lid.

The royal blue handbag, complemented by matching earrings and shoes, along with the upwardly flicked eyeliner accentuating her already alluring eyes, makes Qiao Chu tonight more stunning and captivating than on any other day.

It is my turn to put on a flattering face: "It is my fault, please do not be angry. My mother asked me to bring some dishes over, and I will prepare some for you to eat with noodles."

Yet she has never realized that our spiritual worlds have always been separated by a thick wall

When I got into the taxi in the white ash, Zhao Jue, do you know, I heard that photographer's voice again