Chapter Nine, Fracture

I do not know how much courage it took me to say this, and in my line of sight, Chen Qiaoluo seemed to be frozen. After a while, I finally saw him excitedly grin, just like the boy I first met.

I turned my face to look at Chen Qiaoluo, only to find him smiling gently at me.

Previously, I was worried about whether he would live alone in loneliness, but now seeing him with friends by his side, I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. I think I should thank time for its tolerance of all the unbearable past.

At this moment, there is not a single person in the school, it is quiet and still

Take care of me

Seeing me say this, Xu Xuan also smiled and teased, "I don't know what this is all about. I wasn't planning to come at all, but there has been a voice in my heart telling me that I should come and take a look. And here I am, only to find that you are here. I suppose this is what they call a meeting of minds, don't you think, Zhu Jun?"

Chen Qiaoluo, perhaps this is my final blessing to you. I only hope that in the days to come, you can live a brighter life without me.

I do not know how much time has passed, but suddenly, Li Zi cried out loudly, each sob striking my heart. She ran over and embraced me tightly, repeatedly saying: "How could this happen? Why has it turned out this way?"

Having said that, he ruffled my hair and smiled as he turned to leave

Hospitals may be the most despairing places in the world, where too many people die every day. The doctor informed us that if I undergo surgery, the survival rate is less than 3 percent, but if I simply wait, I can at least hold on for another year

Just when I thought that we would no longer have a future together, he suddenly brought it up. How could this not move me?

I spent three days finally making up my mind to go see Chen Qiaoluo

Xu Xuan stood up and walked towards the service desk, and when he returned, he had a bottle of mineral water in his hand

Seeing me silent and speechless, Chen Qiaoluo continued to speak, saying: "Zhu Jun, when I left here for City X, it was because I was afraid you did not want to see me. However, later I realized that the loneliness of not being able to see you was even harder to endure. There were many times I thought about coming back to find you, but when I stood in the hall of the train station, I hesitated again. Until recently, Li Zi told me that Gu Yu had passed away and that you were very sad. This concern finally gave me the courage to come back and see you. But I could only secretly watch you, yet I did not dare to approach." Until recently, Li Zi told me that Gu Yu had passed away and that you were very sad. This concern finally gave me the courage to come back and see you. But I could only secretly watch you, yet I did not dare to approach.

The world seemed to turn into a deathly silence in that moment, and Li Zi, being mindful of my feelings, could only dare to sob softly

Stomach cancer, this is something I have never thought of before

I know that over the years, Li Zi has been in contact with Chen Qiaoluo, sharing everything about me with him. However, there is one thing I do not want him to know. I am already too late; I cannot participate in his future happiness. Therefore, the only thing I can do now is to make him believe that I truly do not want to be with him, so at least he will not have to face the pain of losing me in the future

When I twisted the bottle cap back on, I saw Xu Xuan frowning in confusion as he looked at me and asked, "Are you sick?"

I woke up again in a hospital bed, and beside me was Li Zi, whose face was streaked with tears. Upon seeing me awake, she sobbed and said to me, "Jun, you finally woke up. Just wait, I will go call the doctor right now."

I saw him stop in his tracks, then turn around and look at me with some confusion

On the night before his departure, Chen Qiaoluo stood at my doorstep and kissed my forehead. He said, "Jun, this past week has been the happiest time I've had in a long while. Six nights ago, you stood here and told me you wanted to give it a try with me. You have no idea how excited I was at that moment. Tomorrow I will be leaving, and if you still wish to continue this journey with me, then come to see me off tomorrow; if you do not want to be with me anymore, then do not come, and at that time I will understand everything and will disappear from your life"

After leaving, he looked at me affectionately and asked, "Zhu Jun, I still have feelings for you. Can you give me a chance to take care of you?"

Just as I bent down to change my shoes while picking up the keys, a sudden and intense pain surged through my stomach, as if countless venomous snakes were gnawing at me. I gritted my teeth and tried hard to straighten up, but within two seconds, my vision darkened, and I collapsed. Just before losing consciousness, I seemed to see the image of Chen Qiaoluo walking alone onto the train.

My words rendered Xu Xuan silent, and deep sorrow welled up in his eyes

Early the next morning, my father hurried back, seemingly due to a night without sleep and a long journey. His eyes were bloodshot. Upon seeing me, he immediately embraced me tightly, as if he wanted to merge me into his very being.

In fact, I haven't been here for a long time; it seems that ever since the incident during the Grain Rain, I have not returned. This place has witnessed all the moments of my youth, and I fear seeing the scene of such changes in people and things.

This is probably what is referred to as fate playing tricks on us; just when I feel that I am close to happiness, I am suddenly pulled so far away.

Hearing him say this, a sense of unease gradually welled up in my heart, and I almost trembled as I asked, "Doctor, is my illness not just a common stomach ailment? Why do you speak so seriously and even ask my family to come over?"

I was led by Chen Qiaoluo through every place in the school, the former classrooms, the library, the playground

I know that over the years, my father still keeps in touch with her and occasionally updates her on my situation. However, in the past, I always turned a blind eye and acted as if I were unaware. Even when my father tentatively brought her up, I would merely brush it aside.

The footsteps of the two individuals continued to move forward, but I found myself somewhat dazed. The warmth emanating from my palm gradually spread to my heart. I turned my face to look at Chen Qiaoluo, who seemed to show no signs of discomfort whatsoever

stomach cancer

Seeing my request, Li Zi did not say anything further, only nodding repeatedly

Seeing her like this now, I can only feel that I was truly unfilial in the past

Looking at his silhouette, I suddenly couldn't help but want to cry. I think it is truly wonderful to have met Chen Qiaoluo in this lifetime, and to be loved by him so sincerely is truly a blessing

On the way home, Chen Qiaoluo and I did not speak again, and we arrived at my doorstep just like that

Perhaps everything is destined, and I was so fortunate that just as I was preparing to leave in disappointment with Xu Xuan, Chen Qiaoluo appeared. He stood not far from me, with his head lowered as if waiting for someone. After a month of not seeing him, he seemed to have changed little.

In fact, my desire to go to City X is not solely due to Xu Xuan's suggestion; I am simply afraid that before I pass away, I will no longer have the chance to see Chen Qiaoluo. Moreover, I had previously made a promise with Gu Yu regarding City X, during which he said that when I came over, he would take me to see ice sculptures and go shopping. Now that he is no longer here, I still wish to go and take a look

After the young doctor left, the ward fell into silence in an instant

Everything is unpredictable

Xu Xuan accompanied me as we followed the address from the postmark on the postcard that Chen Qiaoluo had sent me in the past. It was an area similar to a university town, with several schools in the entire region. I called Li Zi to confirm the school where Chen Qiaoluo was located, and in her surprised voice, I told her that I just wanted to see him

Seeing him like this, I could no longer hold back and burst into tears. I sobbed intermittently and said, "Dad, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Chen Qiaoluo turned his face and looked at me with gentle eyes, saying: "Zhu Jun, we have been avoiding this for too long. If we do not clarify those past matters, I fear we will be trapped for a lifetime."

Seeing me like this, Chen Qiaoluo suddenly reached out and grabbed my hand, and then, in my astonishment, he placed our tightly clasped hands into the pocket of his jacket

The mere thought of this brings me joy, and I can almost envision the excited expression on his face when he sees me

Xu Xuan and I walked into that school, surrounded by vibrant and energetic students coming and going

Xu Xuan was momentarily stunned, and after a long while, he incredulously asked: "Are you saying that you have terminal stomach cancer?"

Father went from being indignant at the beginning to later weeping in silence

I opened my mouth, but many words lingered on the tip of my tongue, and I did not know how to express them.

I had already experienced such despair when Gu Yu left, and Chen Qiaoluo is the person I love the most, so how could I bear to see him suffer like this

You are that unparalleled scenery in my youth, and even now I still remember the nonchalant you on the podium. I never expected that the fleeting glance back then would evoke so many memories.

Chen Qiaoluo gave a bitter smile and said, "I must seem very weak like this. But you are my Achilles' heel, making me unable to escape from disaster. I clearly know that you hate me, yet I still want to approach you without any hesitation."

After a while, Xu Xuan suddenly sighed and said, "I plan to take a trip to City × recently, would you like to join me?"

After seeing my mother off at the airport, I took a taxi back home alone. At that moment, I suddenly had a strong desire to go ice skating, so I called my father to inform him that I would be home later and went directly to Xu Xuan's skating rink

According to my plan, we first went to see the ice sculptures, and then in the evening, we visited the bustling pedestrian street. As I stood in this ice city, I thought of Guyu. I believe I have ultimately fulfilled our promise.

Chen Qiaoluo slowly leaned his face closer to me and then kissed my lips, like a dragonfly skimming the water

This is not something to be ashamed of, and besides, I never intended to hide it. I smiled lightly and said, "Yes, I am ill"

I know that he wants to fulfill all my requests while I am still alive

I hung up the phone and asked Xu Xuan, "Do you have any water here?"

May your future be filled with brilliant sunshine, and your heart be clearer than the sky.

I shook my head and saw him scribbling a few notes on the medical record. He then turned his face towards me and asked, "Have you been fainting frequently these days?"

I took a deep breath and said to him: "I think we might as well give it a try. If it ultimately doesn't work out, then let's not force anyone."

My mother hurried back from abroad the next day, and the moment she saw me, she embraced me tightly in her arms

Dad asked me if I wanted to tell Mom about my illness, and I was taken aback for a moment before agreeing. Over the past two years, I have stopped hating her as I once did. We each have our own lives and happiness, and as for the things of the past, they seem to have long since faded away into the river of time with the sound of the wind.

Of course, I have it. Just wait, I will get it for you

I do not know how much time has actually passed, but the scene before my eyes has become familiar, and the gate of No. 12 Middle School has appeared in my line of sight

What illness is it

That night, Li Zi lay beside me on a hospital bed. Neither of us spoke; however, in the middle of the night, I could still feel the frequency of her shoulders trembling. I knew she was crying, but I did not know how to comfort her

Chen Qiaoluo requested a week's leave from school, during which we explored all the interesting places in this city

From a young age, I have rarely been ill, yet I never imagined that when I do fall ill, it would be so severe

I do not know how long it has been, but my father finally let me go, his voice tinged with a hint of choking emotion as he said: "Zhu Junhao, you disobedient child, who told you to take such poor care of yourself? How long has it been since I left, and how could you let yourself get into this state? How am I supposed to live on from now on..."

After listening, the young doctor frowned and, after a while, sighed and said: "It would be best to notify your family members to come and take care of you."

I put down my phone and heard the doctor ask, "Do you feel any discomfort now?"

Please forgive me, I truly lack the courage to tell him this unfortunate news in person

When I first independently prepared a meal for my father, he cried at the dining table like a child. It was at that moment that I realized how immature I had been in the past, not only failing to take care of him but also constantly causing him trouble

These two words instantly overwhelmed me, leaving me breathless

After an unknown amount of time, Xu Xuan suddenly spoke up and asked: "Do you still like him now?"

Stomach cancer, terminal stage. The doctor said I probably have about a year left to live. I smiled faintly, pretending to be unconcerned.

It is just as well; this illness has allowed me to understand so much. It has made me realize that the person who loves me the most in this world has always been my father

I stayed in × City with Xu Xuan for a week. The day we left happened to be Chen Qiaoluo's birthday, and I ordered a birthday cake for him at the nearby cake shop, topped with his favorite strawberries

Li Zi's scream echoed from one side, and she exclaimed in disbelief: "Impossible! Doctor, are you mistaken? How could my friend possibly have stomach cancer!"

How could one possibly not like him? He is like a beam of light in my life, worthy of my lifelong pursuit. However, I know that in my current broken state, I cannot approach him. I cannot hurt him, so I can only endure my own suffering

Due to my hurried departure, I left my gloves at Chen Qiaoluo's house. This coat I am wearing has no pockets, and as the cold wind blows, I cannot help but place my hands near my mouth to exhale warm breath

Both of us were visiting this place for the first time, and we wandered around like headless flies. It was already the end of March, yet the weather in City × remained cold. Xu Xuan wrapped his scarf around me and placed my hand in his pocket to keep it warm

Concealment seems to hold little significance, and I nodded gently

Then, before I had the chance to speak, Li Zi rushed out

I have taken a break from my studies and accompany Aunt Shen to buy groceries every day, then learn to cook with her

Aunt Shen walked in behind him, and upon seeing us like this, she stood by the door, tears streaming down her face

I walked through every corner of the school with him, as if this would bring me a little closer to Chen Qiaoluo. I have seen the environment of his school and walked the paths he often takes, yet I can no longer enter his heart

My mother took a long leave to take care of me, but I felt it was unnecessary. After spending a few days with her in City A, I urged her to return quickly. My future can no longer be changed, and I do not want everyone to be sad along with me. This may be the last thing I can do.

Before the future arrives, none of us knows what lies ahead

I decided to go to × City with Xu Xuan, but my father strongly opposed it. Only after my repeated insistence did he finally compromise. Xu Xuan came to assure me that he would take good care of me while we were out.

Xu Xuan's question left me momentarily stunned, and gradually I retracted the smile from my lips, lowering my head and slowly speaking: "I once thought about being with him without caring for anything else, and I considered telling him that I liked him. But one cannot be so selfish; perhaps my impulsiveness could bring a year of joy, but what comes after? When I leave this world, how much pain will Chen Qiaoluo, who is left behind, have to endure? I love him, so I cannot bear to see him suffer like that." When I leave this world, how much pain will Chen Qiaoluo, who is left behind, have to endure? I love him, so I cannot bear to see him suffer like that.

From this moment on, I know where the end of my life lies, yet I suddenly no longer feel afraid

He rushed in front of me, extending his arms to embrace me. With a sincere voice, he conveyed, "This is wonderful, this is truly wonderful..."

Such a confession came unexpectedly, and I was momentarily stunned there

What do you understand? I couldn't help but smile as I said, In the past, I was always worried about his character, after all, you know how reclusive he can be. Now that I see he has friends by his side, everything seems bright and sunny, how could I not be happy?

I laboriously retrieved the phone that was placed on the cabinet, and the date displayed on it informed me that a full twenty-four hours had already passed

It seems that every time I come here, there are very few people. The service desk has already changed staff. After I paid, I changed my shoes and glided on the ice alone. By the time Xu Xuan appeared, I had already been amusing myself for more than half an hour. Seeing him arrive, I stopped my movements and smiled, saying: "I was thinking that I might not see you today, but unexpectedly, you showed up."

This illness seems to have allowed me to grow significantly in a short period of time. The former Zhu Jun has gradually begun to consider others as well. I truly do not know whether this is a blessing or a misfortune

In fact, over the past two years, I have also considered the possibility between Chen Qiaoluo and myself, but no matter how I think about it, it seems negligible. I know that I still have feelings for him, but I have never felt that we could be together, after all, so many things have happened, and they stand in the way, difficult to overcome

It would be wonderful to see such a Chen Qiaoluo.

On the way back to the hotel, I appeared very happy. Xu Xuan looked at me with a hint of amusement and said, "Are you this happy just to see him?"

Since I learned that my illness is incurable, I have become indifferent to worrying about it. It is most important to enjoy life while I am still alive.

I took the flight to City X that night with Xu Xuan, and by the time we arrived, it was already eleven o'clock in the evening. Concerned that I might not be able to handle the fatigue from the journey, Xu Xuan took me directly to the hotel after we disembarked. The next day, upon waking up, Xu Xuan suggested that we go out for a stroll.

Li Zi nodded and had just reached the door when I called out to her again. After a moment of thought, I said, "Please do not tell Chen Qiaoluo about this for now; I do not want him to worry."

Seeing him so poor, I could no longer hold back and burst into laughter

I felt a pang in my nose and could not help but start crying

When the clerk handed me a card and a pen and asked if I had anything to write on it, I was momentarily taken aback. Then, I took the card and pen and gently wrote on it.

Seeing me say this, Xu Xuan fell silent for a moment, then stopped and looked at me, saying: "Zhu Junhao, since you still like him, why not give yourself another chance? Your time is already limited, so why not take this last period to love wholeheartedly, to indulge just once?"

I stood there, gazing at him in a daze, until a boy walked over and patted him on the shoulder, after which the two of them left together

Chen Qiaoluo's fear of water was something Xu Xuan had told me earlier. I did not hate him; I just could not get over that hurdle in my heart. Now, hearing him mention it again, I cannot help but feel a pang of sadness.

I walked with Chen Qiaoluo onto the street. The ground was covered by a heavy snowfall from yesterday, and our shoes made a squeaking sound as we stepped on it. The two of us wandered aimlessly, as if this road had no end.

I held Li Zi, who was still crying uncontrollably, and a thick mist gathered in my eyes

I do not know how much time has passed, but I finally closed my eyes, which had long been sore and dry, and said to Li Zi: "Could you please help me get in touch with my father?"

I took the medicine bottle out of the bag beside me, poured out a few pills, and swallowed them with water. Ever since I fell ill, my bag has been filled with many medications, and sometimes when I see them, I suddenly find it quite amusing. In fact, I do not want to take them, as I clearly understand that they cannot cure my illness; I am still willing to obediently comply for my father's sake.

Upon hearing Li Zi's words, the doctor subtly frowned and said, "How could we possibly be mistaken? The test results should be available this afternoon. Please inform your family, and I will come back this afternoon to discuss the specific situation with you."

This should be relatively warm, he said

I slid to the sidelines, changed out of my skates, and went to the resting area with Xu Xuan. Just as I sat down, my dad's call came in. These days, whenever I am out for a little longer, he immediately calls, as I know he is worried about me getting into trouble outside. As soon as I answered, I heard him ask why I hadn't returned yet. I told him I was with friends, and only then did his tone relax, reminding me on the other end of the line that it was time for my medication.

Seeing that I was silent, Xu Xuan spoke again: "I think I understand. The person you least want to tell about your illness should be him."

I recalled Chen Qiaoluo, and I wondered what kind of feelings he had when he left yesterday without seeing me. A slight pang of bitterness rose in my heart as I contemplated how to explain things to him, when Li Zi walked in with a young doctor.

Finally, we came to a stop. He looked at me and said, "I know you are still angry with me because of the Gu Yu incident. It was wrong of me not to tell you the reason. During these more than two years in City X, I have thought about many things. If I had had the courage to tell you that I am afraid of water back then, would everything be different now"

Mother cried while complaining about the unfairness of heaven, saying that over the years she often thought of me, but was afraid that I still would not forgive her

Actually, I am not sure whether I will encounter Chen Qiaoluo, but I am still very grateful that Xu Xuan is willing to accompany me in this madness

Silence spread recklessly in the cold air, and it was unclear how much time had passed when Chen Qiaoluo finally sighed and said, "Let's go, it's late."

Upon hearing the name Chen Qiaoluo, I was instantly taken aback. In recent days, I have been striving not to think of him, for I fear that the moment I do, all the strength I have built will come crashing down.

In the past two years, Chen Qiaoluo has not returned, and City A has undergone significant changes. The amusement park appointment from two years ago has finally been fulfilled after two years. As I sat atop the Ferris wheel, overlooking the city, the person I cherish was sitting beside me

Hmm. I nodded and said, "Don't think too much about it; life is inherently unpredictable. Look, I can now accept all of this with such calmness."

As I watched him walk away step by step, my heart suddenly felt as if it had been scratched by someone. I gazed at his back and called out: "Chen Qiaoluo."

I stopped in my tracks and, gritting my teeth, asked: "Why did you bring me here?"

This embrace, after more than ten years, I received once again. At this moment, I finally understood that the so-called hatred can never outweigh the kinship that runs deep within. My heart ached, and I couldn't help but cry out.

Chen Qiaoluo left at 11:00 AM. The night before, I had already clarified my feelings; I want to be with Chen Qiaoluo, and I want to walk a longer and longer path with him

Xu Xuan remained silent for a while before finally asking: "Does Chen Qiaoluo know about this matter?"

The young doctor came by again in the afternoon, bringing with him my examination report. The report clearly stated that my condition has reached the terminal stage

the good and the bad

I pursed my lips and said, "This is the first time I've fainted, but I've been experiencing frequent stomach pains lately, which might be related to my irregular eating habits from some time ago"

"Common gastric disease?" He raised his voice and said, "Although the specific examination results have not yet come out, based on our previous diagnosis, it is very likely to be gastric cancer."

Yes, I just want to meet him, that is all

I stayed in the hospital for a week, during which Li Zi came to see me almost every day, and my father stayed by my side, taking care of me without leaving for a moment. However, in just seven days, my father seemed to have aged ten years in an instant

Chen Qiaoluo led me into the No. 12 Middle School

I took a deep breath and then said: "Don't think too much about it, this state is quite good. Although the thought that Chen Qiaoluo might just forget me crosses my mind, what does it matter? I was never meant to live long anyway, so why should I continue to occupy someone else's dreams."

Indeed, if I were to say who I have wronged the most in this world, it would certainly be my father. He has raised me alone for so many years, and before I had the chance to serve by his side, I must make him, a man with white hair, send off me, a person with black hair. The most sorrowful thing in life is probably this; I believe I must have taken myself for granted in the past, which is why heaven has imposed such a great punishment on me

I told my father that I wanted to go home and did not want to stay in the hospital. Although he was somewhat concerned, he ultimately agreed to my request

He said: "I originally thought I could quietly stand behind you like this, but seeing you again today made me realize that what I want is not just this little bit; I want to stand by your side, to give you hugs and support"