Chapter 10, Infidelity

As soon as we entered, Guanxin pulled me into the dance floor before I even had a chance to find a seat. She twisted and turned wildly to the powerful music, while I, lacking any dancing skills, could only awkwardly follow her lead. She looked at my awkwardness and laughed with great delight. It was a physically demanding activity, and before long, I was exhausted. We found a spot to sit down, and this time she didn't order any drinks but instead asked for half a dozen beers. I hurriedly said that I couldn't handle alcohol well, but she dismissively replied, "I'm not afraid, so why should you be? It's just beer; it won't get you drunk." I didn't say anything further, but a slight bitterness arose in my heart. After one bottle of beer, I began to feel dizzy, yet I was still able to chat and joke with Guanxin. Occasionally, she would go back to the dance floor to dance, but most of the time she stayed with me, drinking and enjoying the dance moves of others along with the strong music. To be honest, this kind of music was somewhat torturous for me; it felt like my heart was working overtime. I chuckled at myself, realizing that I was indeed getting old. In contrast, Guanxin seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself; she must frequent such places often. She kept pouring drinks for me and shared some stories from her childhood, but I could hardly hear anything in this noisy environment. My alcohol tolerance was only about one bottle of beer, so it had become a routine for me to drink tea while my friends drank alcohol whenever we went out. Perhaps due to the alcohol, Guanxin was quite talkative, but I didn't absorb any of it, and eventually, I ended up getting drunk.

Sitting at the dining table, I was eating the breakfast prepared by Guanxin, and that feeling was somewhat warm. My wife and I hardly ever made breakfast at home; we were always busy with our own things. I secretly glanced at Guanxin, who was not looking at me but was focused on her meal, as if she were appreciating a piece of art. I cleared my throat softly, but she did not react, only saying lightly, "If you have something to say, go ahead." I could feel my face burning; I asked, "About last night, we..." I thought for a moment, unsure of what to say, and then continued, "I'm sorry." She looked up at me, her gaze making my heart race. I cleared my throat again, and she remained still, simply saying, "If you have something to say, go ahead." I could feel my face burning; I asked, "About last night, we..." I thought for a moment, unsure of what to say, and then continued, "I'm sorry." She looked up at me, her gaze making my heart race. Finally, she smiled and said, "You're quite adorable; why are you apologizing?" I replied, "I’m married, and yet I..." I couldn't bring myself to finish, and she said, "It’s nothing; don’t take it to heart. It’s my own choice, and I actually quite like you as a person." I lowered my head and continued eating breakfast. If I said I didn’t feel happy inside, that would be a lie. For any man to have a beautiful woman say she likes him is something worth being happy about. She continued, "You don’t need to worry; I won’t cling to you. I hope this matter won’t create a rift between us but rather enhance our feelings for each other. You don’t need to feel guilty, and don’t think about being responsible for me. We are all adults; many things shouldn’t be taken too seriously." I replied with a soft "mm," not daring to speak further. We are all adults; many things shouldn’t be taken too seriously. I replied with a soft "mm," not daring to speak further.

My wife took our daughter to Hainan, and starting today, I will be home alone for a week. I need this tranquility; perhaps I can come to understand many things. In the evening, I made do with a meal outside before returning home, where I sat in my study, leisurely brewing a pot of Tieguanyin tea and savoring it slowly. The CD played some old-fashioned music; I have a fondness for old songs, which seem somewhat out of place with the tastes of modern readers. Occasionally, I enjoy listening to a segment of Peking opera, which is a delight for me. This brief moment of peace was interrupted by the ringing of my phone. A concerned friend called to invite me out for tea, mentioning that she had thought of some matters that might be helpful for the case I am currently focused on. I quickly arranged a meeting place with her and hurried out.

Every encounter with care makes one's heart race, a beauty that seems capable of suffocating. Dressed in a black gown, with light gauze draping, her skin appears almost translucent beneath the sheer fabric, making her even more alluring. She still wears a sweet smile, those two dimples resembling warm traps.

Everything is so perplexing, and I have always had a question that I cannot resolve, which continues to trouble me. Whether it was Huang Yu or Zhang Li, both left behind suicide notes before their deaths, and these notes became crucial evidence of their suicides. However, Wang Qinghan also left a note, yet she did not commit suicide. To be precise, if we consider the previous two cases of suicide, she should have taken her life on the night she left the note. What made her survive? I have no way of knowing the reasons behind this; even she herself is unaware of the note. The tension and fear she exhibited could not have been feigned. To be precise, if we consider the previous two cases of suicide, she should have taken her life on the night she left the note. What made her survive? I have no way of knowing the reasons behind this; even she herself is unaware of the note. The tension and fear she exhibited could not have been feigned. Several discussions about this issue have yielded no results; she always firmly tells me that she has never thought about committing suicide.

When I woke up, I was in bed, but it was not my bed. Looking around, I found myself in an unfamiliar room. I rubbed my head, which still throbbed slightly, and recalled the events of yesterday with Guan Xin. The room was filled with a woman's unique fragrance, subtle and not overpowering, yet refreshing. I was wearing nothing but a pair of underwear, and fortunately, I was alone in the bed, sparing me some embarrassment. I tried hard to remember if I had done anything yesterday, but my memory was a complete blank.

My heart is filled with guilt, both because of my concern and because of my wife who is far away in Hainan, but even more so because I inexplicably strayed, and without knowing its flavor, I have wronged three people at once: my wife, my concern, and myself. There is a trace of regret in my heart, a kind of sorrow that makes food tasteless. I truly wish I could just stay in the bathroom and not come out; I still do not know how to face my heart.

Upon arriving at the center, I called my wife. On the other end of the line, she spoke to me in a lazy voice for a while, and I suddenly missed her deeply, feeling a longing and concern I had never experienced before. I patiently reminded her to take care of her health and stay safe. She laughed and said, "What's wrong with you? Suddenly so concerned about me, did you do something to let me down?" I chuckled and replied, "Of course, you should see your husband's charm." She responded, "You can keep bragging; who else would care about you besides me?" After saying that, she also reminded me a few things before hanging up.

I should consider myself as having escaped from caring about home, and I feel quite uncomfortable about it. This is the first time such a thing has happened to me. I have always been looking for excuses for my infidelity in my heart, and it was not until much later that I realized I was too focused on my own feelings and neglected many important matters.

I urgently needed to use the restroom, so I quickly got dressed and ran towards the bathroom. However, I saw Guanxin busy in the kitchen, wearing only a short camisole that slightly revealed a hint of pale red underneath. I forced a smile, and she said with a laugh, "Hurry and wash up, have some breakfast; you have to go to work soon." Her tone was reminiscent of a conversation between a married couple. I responded absentmindedly and slipped into the bathroom.

In the following two days, I had no contact with Guanxin. Aside from the usual meetings with clients, I spent most of my time at home, carefully contemplating the feasibility of "embedded hypnosis." I reviewed a large amount of material and searched for information online, but I could not find any experimental evidence to support the validity of this theory. Ultimately, I had to abandon this idea. I thought perhaps I had taken a wrong turn and should reanalyze several cases from the beginning, focusing on their connections and commonalities.