two

This is a Russell I have never seen before. The elegance and dignity she possesses are still present, yet it seems she has gained something that she did not have in the past. That kind of charm, that warmth that can be felt even against the light, perhaps it is what people refer to as the radiance of motherhood

At this moment, she stood beside her mother, enduring the probing gazes of the neighbors and the meaningful expressions of those in the know; she felt that staying even one more minute was a torment

She finally could not hold back any longer, and tears streamed down her face

However, as we grow up, we realize that everything we have is fleeting, and any possession can only grant me a momentary peace. At other times, I remain at a loss, caught between the realities of life and beautiful fantasies, unsure of where I should go.

Before leaving the hospital, I still went to see Qianqian. Although I have prosopagnosia and truly cannot distinguish those babies, I comforted myself by saying that it doesn't matter; she will gradually grow up and will have a face that I can recognize at a glance in a crowd

At this moment, Li Shanshan finally took off her sunglasses. Although she tried her best to cover her face with her hair, Kang Jie still saw the scar on her face. On her originally smooth skin, which was as flawless as cream, the scar appeared so hideous and so out of place

It is precisely because she is too nostalgic, too attached to the beautiful memories of the past, that she has made her life unbearably bitter in the many years that followed

Since then, she has never allowed her mother to attend parent-teacher meetings again; she would rather face the teacher's reprimand the next day for having an empty seat than let her extraordinary mother embarrass her.

We, a group of people, once joked that the climate in Changsha is truly peculiar; what does Kunming's spring-like weather all year round mean? In Changsha, spring resembles all four seasons.

Kang Jie let out a cold laugh, "Wounded? So he still has some pride, huh?" She curled her lips and said, "Forget it, I'm just in a bad mood, it's not directed at you. Take care of yourself."

She patiently asked her mother, "What would you like to eat? I will go buy it for you"

When you went out to chase after Shanshan, I asked Song Yuan, and he said that Shanshan is still very concerned about her face. She has researched a lot about laser scar removal and ultimately chose the most expensive cosmetic hospital. You know her personality; she always believes that the most expensive is the best. More than half of their living expenses have been spent on this.

I said, Kang Jie, I feel that I can no longer stay here; every day feels suffocating.

The most beautiful thing is not the fallen leaves and unknown flowers along that mountain path, but the sweet and solid footprints left step by step by the person she loves

That was the first kiss in their lives, and neither of them had any experience. They stared at each other wide-eyed, and in the end, Chen Chen used his hand to cover her eyes

I thought I could pretend to forget the past entirely, to begin anew from the very first second standing in the bright spring light. However, when I recalled his lonely smile, when I remembered his youthful face devoid of any shadow, I knew that ultimately, I still could not.

In fact, I truly feel unworthy—every time she refers to me as "my best friend" when talking to others, I experience this feeling.

I truly understand that when "leftover women" become the subject of ridicule in society, as an unmarried single mother, the burdens she must bear and the challenges she is about to face are certainly not easy

At that moment, her phone rang

Although rifts gradually emerged later, Kang Jie would not forget the scene of him carrying her down step by step from the mountain top in the bustling twilight of the evening glow

Do you believe that there exists a certain type of friend in your life who can see the unyielding and restless desire for adventure and to leap into the currents behind your seemingly calm facade

I moved over step by step, my feet feeling as if they were filled with lead. I had so much to say to her, my apologies and guilt, but when I finally reached her side, I could only call out "Suran Jie" like that girl who had been expelled from school and could only cry foolishly.

Why does she want to live

That afternoon, I was idly sitting on the bus with Kang Jie to pass the time. When we passed by Kaifu Temple, I asked her: "Do you remember? There was a time when we bought two pig's feet and went to Kaifu Temple to gnaw on them."

My reaction was not slow either, and I quickly got up to chase after them. At the critical moment, I remembered to ask Kang Jie to keep an eye on Song Yuan, so that he wouldn't leave as well.

Her head slowly leaned against the car window, shaking gently with the bumps of the vehicle. She said, "I remember, it feels like it has been half a lifetime ago."

Li Shanshan did not run far; she stood smoking under the tree downstairs. When she saw me, she opened her cigarette case and said to me: "Here, lady's cigarettes, would you like to smoke?"

In fact, I have always harbored very complex feelings towards Kang Jie; ultimately, it is guilt.

She recalled how the characters in TVB soap operas always said, "Well, in life, the most important thing is to be happy," but why do those people never elaborate on what exactly it takes to be happy

I once thought I lived for the happiness that others spoke of, and I once believed that as long as I grew up, those elements that caused us pain in the past would no longer matter

That night, Kang Jie was wandering aimlessly on the street by herself. She was in such a bad mood that she really did not want to go to work, so she simply took a day off.

After that buck-toothed little nurse left, the fake smile on Sister Suran's face gradually faded, replaced by an expression of deep desolation, her tone filled with self-mockery: "Luoxun, I must seem very ridiculous, don't I"

I did not expect the other party to show no gratitude at all, with tears welling up in their eyes, looking even more aggrieved than Dou E: "I won't eat anything, I might as well starve to death!"

Only I, I do not know what else I have to look forward to here, I am neither pessimistic nor optimistic, living numbly day after day, should I really expect Lin Yizhou to come back to life

She walked over, crouched down, and attempted to help her mother up, but just as she touched her mother's hand, she heard a sharp scream: "I've broken my bone!"

At present, I am still unable to conceal my emotions, let alone at that time.

Kang Jie couldn't help but let out a long sigh in her heart

Suran Jie represents this kind of existence to me

I do not know what happened, but it seems that during the days I closed myself off, time in the outside world passed particularly quickly. While I was still mired in my daily sorrow, others' lives had already undergone tremendous changes, such as Sister Suran.

Then we fell silent at the same time, the carriage was very empty, and I had a feeling of heading to the ends of the earth

I endured for a while and said that I was not feeling well and needed to leave first

Because of its youthfulness, it may appear somewhat clumsy, yet even in its clumsiness, it remains untainted and pure

As soon as the words escaped her lips, Sister Suran's smile visibly stiffened for a moment, but soon after, she adjusted the curve of her mouth and replied with a look of regret: "Yes, I don't know if they will ever return."

I shook my head, no, I understand

The reward is a kiss

Meanwhile, Li Shanshan and Kang Jie, two fools, were squeezed by the window of the nursery, exclaiming, "Damn it, why do they all look the same!"

As she reached the doorway, she heard loud shouting from inside the house. Her mother seemed to be yelling, "You stole my money to support a little mistress!" In that instant, she recalled the text "The Art of Oral Performance" that she had studied in middle school. When she opened the door, she was nearly hit on the head by a flying blanket.

Sometimes I really find it amusing. I once saw a writer say that a person's initial sense of dignity comes from their lineage, background, and parents. At that moment, I thought it was truly poetic justice. I do not have parents that I can be proud of, so they should not expect to have a daughter who can make them proud. This was what Kang Jie said to me when she decided not to attend high school and instead go to a vocational school.

The sense of smell does not deceive; the subtle scent in the air serves as a medium that closely connects the present with the past. It reminds me of a rainy afternoon in the spring-summer transition, when Lin Yizhou stood at the intersection with a checkered umbrella waiting for me. That scene is like being shrouded in a veil of mist, always elusive and unclear to me

They all have their own hopes; I mean my friends. Sister Suran hopes that Qianqian can grow up healthy and safe; Li Shanshan hopes that after one surgery after another, her appearance can be restored; Song Yuan hopes that his little lover can be happy; even Kang Jie has her own expectations, as she looks forward to the day when she receives her salary every month

With a heart full of worries, I simply have no time to sift through the past for the intricate details related to the name "Chen Chen." Over the years, Kang Jie has also had quite a few boyfriends; how could I possibly remember so many names? I barely recall that the reason I said I didn't like that boy I had only met once was because he asked for my phone number while Kang Jie was in the restroom

After hearing Kang Jie recount the events, I recalled how, at noon, when I was at a loss with Li Shanshan, Song Yuan had come out from inside and took her from my arms, holding her tightly. Although she was still crying, her demeanor was completely different from the previous hysterical state.

Her gaze was as warm as the sunlight on a winter afternoon, and we remained silent, simply looking at each other quietly

The observer is light, light as in easy. It was she who first told me this phrase, yet now I find it insufficiently appropriate. It turns out that in this world, there exists a heaviness that can make you, as an observer, sigh in sorrow.

That was the first time, at the age of fifteen, that Kang Jie heard the call of love

Kang Jie tilted her head back and downed a bottle of Heineken, gently saying: "Then you should go out for a walk and see if you can find something new to look forward to."

The ground is covered with golden yellow fallen leaves, and stepping on them produces a faint crunching sound. From the backlight perspective, one can see the fine hairs along his silhouette. A feeling of softness, a very soft feeling, spreads through Kang Jie.

It has simply been too long since that time, and I have completely forgotten how my expression changed at that moment. After giving a fierce glare, I stood up and left. Just as I came out of the restroom, Kang Jie grabbed me and asked what was wrong.

Forget that bright and vigorous youth, and see clearly the mad gambler before you

The students in that dilapidated school all have no interest in studying, yet the parents are uneasy about letting their young children roam the streets, so they cram them all into such places where they cannot learn anything. Amidst the chaos, Chen Chen seems to be the only breath of fresh air

The phrase "to lose face" was used by Kang Jie more than once to describe her mother, as if there were no other words in the vast sea of vocabulary that were more appropriate, and no one else was more suited to this phrase than her mother

She held my hand tightly, saying nothing, yet everything she wanted to express was contained in that firm grip

While ordering food, Li Shanshan and Song Yuan had a quarrel in front of me and Kang Jie. The reason was quite simple. Song Yuan felt that the dishes ordered by Li Shanshan were all bland and tasteless. He was genuinely a bit angry and said, "It's one thing for you to ask me to accompany you in eating these tasteless meals on a regular basis, but today, when dining with Cheng Luoxun and the others, you still do this. Can't you stop always putting yourself first? Is it too much to ask for you to not be so selfish?"

Kang Jie and I exchanged glances, truly unable to comprehend what had gone awry with this affectionate young couple. What could possibly be worth arguing about over such a trivial matter

Like many couples in the world, they have uttered foolish words about being mutually affectionate, but like many couples in the world, they have not followed through on their promises

Every time she sees Chen Chen, she recalls the first time she met him at the age of fifteen. He was wearing a sky-blue shirt, and his hair resembled soft spikes. At that time, he was so young and so beautiful, with every eyelash trembling in the sunlight

When they reached halfway up the mountain, she stubbornly refused to continue. Chen Chen stopped to coax her, saying that there would be a reward if they made it to the top

She has already undergone surgery once, and it is said that she screamed in pain, but there has not been much improvement. The doctor mentioned that several more procedures are necessary. Additionally, her regular diet needs to avoid certain foods; the lighter, the better. It is best to avoid chili, soy sauce, and similar items altogether. Smoking is also prohibited, but she finds this difficult to adhere to, so she has now switched to smoking women's cigarettes

After Song Yuan threw down the word "biased" in dissatisfaction, he took Li Shanshan and Kang Jie out. Only then did I sit down on the stool by the bed. As I sat down, I finally felt the tension that had been building since the moment I entered the hospital slowly begin to ease.

What a terrible line, it's worse than not saying anything at all

Li Shanshan retorted defiantly: "You are the one who is truly foolish; don't you know that daughters all resemble their fathers..."

Kang Jie looked at him coldly. She had told herself time and again to forget, to forget the way he smiled like a child in a light-colored shirt, to forget how he had once celebrated her birthday with great enthusiasm, to forget the ice cream that nearly melted while waiting in the sweltering summer heat, to forget those wonderful days

What does it have to do with you

Kang Jie is right; many things, when recalled, seem to have happened half a lifetime ago. The names that ran through my harsh youth are like those written in the sand, washed away completely by a big wave.

Since I met her, I have never seen her cry so desperately. I watched as tears streamed down in clusters from behind her dark glasses. Her body trembled like a sieve. I extinguished the cigarette in my hand and embraced her, but I felt so powerless. I had no words to say and could do nothing for my friend.

Kang Jie, you are right, I should leave here

The four of us went out to eat together, and I can no longer remember the last time a group of people dined together. It seems to have been during Xu Zhijun's birthday celebration, and it feels like it has been several centuries since then

I quietly stayed by her side, in this moment, the gods fell silent

She shares a common father with him, and there is bound to be a trace of him in her features; I am firmly convinced of this

In the community clinic, Kang Jie’s mother successfully drew everyone’s attention with a scream several times louder than that of an ordinary person, while Kang Jie, standing beside her, alternated between blushing and paling.

When Kang Jie realized and turned around to question A Long, he had already vanished without a trace, leaving only a small pool of blood on the ground and the open iron gate

After a while of holding a lit cigarette, I asked her: "What is going on with you all?"

However, after returning that night, Kang Jie was extremely depressed

That is the power of love, the ability to bring calm from madness, to instill peace from violence, that is what is known as love

Kang Jie shot him a fierce glare before she heard her mother moaning "Oh dear, oh dear". She looked around and finally saw her mother slumped on the floor in the bedroom, refusing to get up

Kang Jie disdainfully shook off his hand and cast him a glance filled with contempt, akin to that of a rat in a gutter.

Without saying a word, Kang Jie tossed a few hundred yuan at him. Just as she turned to leave, Chen Chen grabbed her arm. The concern in his eyes was not feigned: "What's wrong? It's not like I'm not going to pay you back. In a couple of days, when I make some money, how about I take you shopping for clothes?"

This scene reminded her of the time when she attended a parent-teacher meeting during her school days. Her father was unable to find the time to attend, so she had to ask her mother to go. The teacher, with a worried expression, told her mother: "This girl is quite intelligent, but for some reason, she just cannot concentrate, which is why her grades are so poor"

Li Shanshan's expression was hidden behind the first mate's sunglasses, but the sharpness in her tone was clear to everyone present: "It's just a meal, why are you making such a big fuss over something so trivial? Luoxun and the others didn't say anything, so why do you need to shout here? I see that you have been dissatisfied with me for a long time, and today you finally found an opportunity to vent your frustrations!"

At that time, she loved him too deeply; no matter how I hinted or suggested to her that this person was unreliable, she would not listen.

If I were there, I would certainly not allow them to use such an inappropriate idiom

How did her mother respond? In front of many parents, she loudly said: "What’s the point of girls getting such good grades? Just getting a diploma is enough to marry well in the future."

I was stunned for a long time: "Who is Chen Chen? Is he your new boyfriend?"

Seeing the person next to her glance over again, Kang Jie could no longer contain the anger in her heart, and her tone became harsher: "I kindly asked what you wanted to eat, and this is your attitude? Rest assured, I won't starve; even if I do, no one will care."

In that case, I shall say nothing at all

She was very satisfied with my answer: "Previously, I thought of many names. There was a notebook by the bedside, and I kept thinking of a good name for her while sleeping. One day, I dreamed of a little deer, which had a bell hanging from its neck. Upon waking, I quickly wrote down 'Deer Bell' in the notebook, but in the end, I still decided to name her 'Qian Qian'"

That was her first love, and no one could stand in her way. To put it more vividly, at that time she was like Fan Jin passing the imperial examination.

The wind tousled our hair, and her straight bangs were also blown apart into a center part. If I heard correctly, there seemed to be a childlike whimper in her voice: "Luoxun, I am really annoyed, I really don't want to have this silly hairstyle that doesn't suit me at all. I really hate having to wear sunglasses just to buy yogurt at the supermarket. I am really about to lose it, do you know that..."

For a girl, living a stable and simple life is a blessing, being shallow is good, everything should be a little shallow, which will reduce a lot of troubles

Very good, I nodded and said sincerely

After the situation had been at a standstill for several seconds, Li Shanshan picked up her bag, stood up without saying a word, and rushed out.

I remember the first time I saw her; she was wearing a snow-white shirt, her hair pulled back into a ponytail, revealing her smooth forehead, which made her look just like a university student. It seems like in the blink of an eye, she has already transitioned into motherhood.

Under the moonlight, Chen Chen's face appeared as if it had returned to many years ago, clean and bright, reminding her of the white paper airplanes flying across the azure sky in her childhood

A few days later, Kang Jie came to find me and told me about this matter: "Chen Chen had his brothers beat up that A Long, and it was really brutal, his face was covered in bruises"

I sat in silence facing Sister Suran for a long time. In response to her awkwardness, I pretended to be oblivious. I did not know how to comfort her. I initially wanted to say, "It is quite normal not to have a husband; those men who accompany women during childbirth are not necessarily their husbands," but as soon as this thought took shape in my mind, I wished I could slap myself twice.

However, it is of no use; those memories etched in the early days of youth cannot be erased, especially when in moments of sadness one thinks that it would be better to simply die, as living seems to hold no meaning, and when life feels so exhausting, those memories will always flutter out from the sealed box.

As the sun sets in the west and the dusk deepens, Kang Jie and I sit on the stone steps by the river. This is a place rarely traversed by others, and as far as the eye can see, the fields are filled with reeds.

She leaned against the tree trunk, flicking the ash, and with a cold laugh said, "What’s going on? Can’t you see? He’s grown tired of me."

Kang Jie regrets that she lit the fuse of the firecracker

At that moment, the nurse pushed the door open, and upon seeing me sitting by the bed, she smiled and greeted Sister Suran: "Your sister is truly beautiful."

In the moment the words slipped out, the three of them were taken aback, and after the air froze for a second, the three uneducated individuals tacitly laughed it off as if nothing had happened: "Oh my, she is truly beautiful, among so many little chubby ones, she is the most beautiful, so stunning that she seems oblivious to everyone else."

Later, Kang Jie told me that at that moment, she even had the thought of jumping down from the sixth floor of the teaching building

Seeing that I showed no interest at all, she fell silent. We sat across from each other in silence for a while, and after finishing the two matcha cakes she had brought, I finally expressed my decision

The first kiss took place in autumn, when they went hiking together. The mountains were covered with golden leaves, and she wore a purple sweater, looking silly like an upright walking eggplant

She was also taken aback: "Don't you remember? My first love, you met him once, but you said you didn't really like him, so I never let you two meet again."

I was just about to humbly say "not at all" when that inconsiderate nurse added, "Is your husband still not back from his business trip?"

When they met at the street corner, Chen Chen looked pale, and it was obvious that he hadn't slept the night before. With a frown, he said to Kang Jie: "How was I to know I would lose! I was winning all along, damn it, who would have thought I would lose everything in the last round!"

I looked at her with eager eyes, signaling her to continue speaking

Just as she was about to leave, Chen Chen pulled her back and said, "Is there something bothering you that you can't share with me?"

In this moment, anyone would feel embarrassed, and Kang Jie was no exception. For a brief moment, she wanted to rush out the door, to distance herself from these two individuals, to sever ties with the sense of shame that arose from witnessing this situation. However, one second later, reason prevailed.

I am such a failure

For a long, long time, I felt that Kang Jie was like a person hidden behind the light. In full view of the public, I openly displayed my joy, happiness, sadness, and pain. All the fluctuations in my emotions were being observed by so many pairs of eyes. Regardless of whether I was happy or not, there was always someone who cared about me

Just like the sound of a match head "scratching" against the thin layer of sulfur on the matchbox, in the midst of a vast darkness, I saw the light

He is the first person in the world who makes her feel loved and makes her feel important

When she finally calmed down and took a look, the room was indeed in complete disarray

She bought a cup of milk tea and sat down by the window in Wangfujing, staring blankly at the street. There were so many people, why did everyone else seem so joyful? Why did others have so many things to be happy about?

Immediately, his expression changed: "Don't look at me with that kind of gaze."

With such a grip, I felt a twinge of sadness in my nose again

After meeting Sister Suran, Li Shanshan and Song Yuan insisted on going to see Qianqian. I was also planning to go with them, but Sister Suran kept me back, saying, "Let them go first, you stay and talk with me."

But what does she have? She seems to have become accustomed to the feeling of being ignored, accustomed to bearing all the hardships alone, and accustomed to dealing with the troubles that come one after another by herself

Yet, Sister Suran reacted more quickly. She did not mention to me how desolate it was to have only her younger brother and his girlfriend by her side during labor, nor did she talk about how unbearable the intense pain of childbirth was. Instead, she changed the subject and asked me, "What do you think of the name Qianqian?"

Song Yuan tapped Li Shanshan on the head and pointed to the bed closest to the window: "You are so foolish, it's that one! It looks so much like my sister, and you still can't tell, you are truly blind, Aunt!"

I truly do not deserve it

Aaron, wearing a dirty blue jacket, was holding his forehead, crimson blood seeping through his fingers. He cursed under his breath while looking at Kang Jie with a hint of fear. For some reason, he always felt a bit intimidated by this girl who appeared so delicate.

The people around her turned their backs and chuckled, and Kang Jie turned to leave. She felt that if she continued to stand there listening to her mother nagging about these things, it would not be filial piety; it would be pure foolishness

Kang Jie remembered the time when they had just started dating; Chen Chen would go to the internet café to play games every day, while she would sit beside him browsing novels online. After a while, he would lean over to hold her hand.

In fact, by the time she blurted out this sentence, she already felt a bit of regret, not because she regretted that her words were too hurtful, but because she understood her mother too well; she would not be hurt by just a few words.

Those people have completely vanished from my life

When she spoke these words, her gaze was unfocused, as if looking far, far away, towards an unknown future

The little nurse chuckled and said, "How can you speak like that, cursing your own husband..."

As Li Shanshan stepped out of the hospital, she put on her sunglasses again, obscuring her gaze. All that could be heard was her melancholic voice saying: "The summer in Changsha is approaching"

At the juncture of late spring and early summer, it feels as though something within my body is surging and circulating with the blood, while my soul seems to have detached from my body, floating in mid-air, gazing down upon this city that bears our joys and sorrows

Sadness is the key to opening that box, and it is always awakened by pain

Kang Jie held her milk tea, biting on the straw, and suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to cry

Indeed, her mother began to cry loudly, disregarding the gazes of those around her. Mixed in with her sobs were complaints: "You say it well, it is all my fault. My greatest mistake was giving birth to such a useless thing as you. If you had found a good man, would I have to suffer all this? Aunt Wang's daughter from the village found a demolition household last year, and now she has a house, plus she gave her family two hundred thousand. This year, she is about to have a baby. Look at you, still not knowing if anyone wants you..." Aunt Wang's daughter from the village found a demolition household last year, and now she has a house, plus she gave her family two hundred thousand. This year, she is about to have a baby. Look at you, still not knowing if anyone wants you...

Perhaps several years later, when she has attained a tranquil and harmonious life, and when she has her own children, she will understand that painful memories do not need to be passed down from generation to generation, that cruel and malicious parents can also raise kind and upright children, and that vile and selfish parents can have gentle and tolerant offspring