Chapter 2, The Demon Blade

Do not speak of national grievances and family feuds; that is not an excuse for irresponsibility, the father said, lowering his head

I know that the person I have wronged the most in this life is you. Grandfather, with a mouth full of alcohol and a flushed face, said to Father, "Your old man has only been true to himself in this life, and has wronged all of you!"

However, one thing is certain: due to being born prematurely, I weighed only 4 pounds and 6 ounces at birth. Moreover, the doctors at the hospital advised my mother to be mentally prepared, as premature infants may have intellectual deficiencies

In fact, that is not what I desire! However, once one has been hurt, scars will remain; when glass is shattered, it cannot be restored. No matter how much one tries to conceal it, the scars and cracks will still be there, occasionally causing sharp pain, driving one to the brink of madness! Grandfather's response was somewhat off-topic.

My university classmates gave me a nickname, calling me "Demon Blade." The term "demon" signifies my distinction from ordinary people; to put it frankly, I am a unique and unconventional individual. At school, I could score only 30 points in university mathematics while achieving 100 points in clinical medicine. I could be completely ignorant of the questions in the introduction to medicine, yet engage in in-depth discussions on human anatomy with professors. Therefore, they say I have the freedom to manipulate my grades as I please, as long as it brings me joy. Before they accepted my viewpoint that "no conclusion is absolute," their tone was tinged with sarcasm, as if I were a peculiar thinker, akin to a modern-day Don Quixote. Later, I proved myself through the analysis of human organ structures. I could analyze the changing states of various organs through the manifestations of the human body, thereby unraveling the complexities and inferring what experiences the individual had and what condition they were in. This earned their admiration, as they remarked that I resembled a scalpel gliding over the human body, embodying the unity of person and blade.

Why become a forensic expert? I sometimes ask myself this question. However, after pondering it, I find it to be a rather foolish question. Not everything has an answer, especially when it comes to a person's actions! Not all appearances can provide an intrinsic reason; existence is simply existence, that is all there is to it. Many reasons are merely artificially assigned, a product of human wishful thinking. After experiencing many things, I have finally realized that reality always exceeds human imagination; at times, you may even find it difficult to imagine yourself! Many reasons are merely artificially assigned, a product of human wishful thinking. After experiencing many things, I have finally realized that reality always exceeds human imagination; at times, you may even find it difficult to imagine yourself!

In fact, for me, becoming a forensic doctor does not constitute a career change, as I had previously taken forensic medicine as an elective in my studies. It was a visiting professor named Zhong Renzhi who introduced me to the world of forensics. In this realm, I feel like a newborn who has just begun to perceive, experiencing a novelty that I have never encountered before; everything is exhilarating!

The father clearly did not consider the mother. It was not until he returned home that he learned that, out of fear, before the time was right, the mother had given birth to me in a warehouse filled with medical equipment. It was only later that someone discovered us and sent both mother and child to the hospital

For someone like me, who cannot focus on a single task for an extended period, pursuing medical research seems rather far-fetched, and I am well aware of this! Nevertheless, in the eyes of my classmates, I should be seen as a promising young doctor at a renowned hospital. However, my so-called unconventional choice after graduation truly surprised everyone. In Chanshi, I applied for the position of forensic doctor in the special recruitment of the Public Security Bureau in my hometown and was accepted. My so-called unconventional choice after graduation truly surprised everyone. In Chanshi, I applied for the position of forensic doctor in the special recruitment of the Public Security Bureau in my hometown and was accepted.

Since I became aware, you have been arguing, from the time I was three until I was eight, until my mother left home! Now you speak of love, how can I believe it?" My father, ignoring my mother's objections, continued to speak to my grandfather.

At that time, my father rarely treated others. More often, I would see him leaning against the wooden sofa at home, engrossed in a book about the human body, seemingly oblivious to his surroundings

Among those who gave positive evaluations, the clinical professor had the highest expectations of me. He even hoped that I would stay at the university to be his assistant and engage in theoretical research together. This situation seems somewhat amusing, even a bit unbelievable. As a student who does not enjoy fundamental theory, merely passing exams and earning credits is already a challenge, let alone making further progress or expecting to achieve anything in theoretical research. Even now, I still do not understand what aspect of my performance led him to hold such a view. However, the professor stated that he does not share this belief. What he values is that I always have some thoughts that differ from the norm, that I do not adhere rigidly to established conclusions, and that I dare to question everything—questioning is the eternal and inexhaustible driving force behind the progress of history.

"Forensic experts are, after all, also medical professionals!" she sighed in conclusion.

"That is merely your excuse; you could have her back! The reason you did not is that the lives of others have long ceased to matter to you!"

One thing can be certain: the lessons imparted to me by my grandfather seem to have activated my brain's neurons, making me feel more spiritually alive! The most immediate effect is reflected in my studies

My grandfather practices Buddhism. However, that began only after my mother gave birth to me

In summary, I do not enjoy rigid calculations; I am only interested in objects that exhibit motion and change, particularly the individual characteristics they display. There was even a time when I grew tired of textbooks and became fascinated with acupuncture points, eagerly studying the variations of these points over different time periods. I often took the opportunity to conduct experiments on my classmates when they were not paying attention, observing their reactions. My homeroom teacher repeatedly criticized me, stating that learning should be diligent and earnest, and that I should not engage in unorthodox methods, lest I stray from the right path. However, the clinical professor was quite pleased, saying, "We should not cultivate students who are mediocre in every aspect, but rather such eccentric talents!" Although he said this, as graduation approached, he still could not persuade the other teachers to allow me to pass the courses for which I had not completed the required credits. I had no choice but to lock myself in my dormitory, channeling the same energy I had before the college entrance examination to study for a week, without playing basketball, dating, or going to the cinema at the school gate. A week later, I took the exams for all the subjects I had failed one by one, and I passed all the courses without any major issues. The fact that I scored all in the sixties astonished those classmates who had studied tirelessly to pass their exams, as they remarked, "Not a single point was wasted!"

"So you never truly resolved to win her heart back, this is your weakness!" Father was also drunk, his tone somewhat trembling, "You are always contradictory, suspicious without reason, bringing up non-existent facts to scrutinize repeatedly, hurting yourself and others in the process. Isn't your mother's departure your responsibility? And have you sincerely tried to bring her back?"

Regarding why he did not comply with the request from the medical regulatory officials to send the patient to the hospital, my father later explained that the injured person was suffering from severe internal bleeding, and the nearest hospital capable of performing such an internal surgery was too far away. If the patient were to endure a long and bumpy journey, it would be extremely dangerous. Even if the patient were sent to the hospital, there was no guarantee that they could be saved.

As I gradually grew up, it seemed that I indeed exhibited a certain degree of intellectual deficiency. For instance, I was one or two years later than my peers in learning to speak; I was indifferent to the playful antics of adults, showing interest only in the flies that landed on the chair; I enjoyed manipulating my own body, particularly the more flexible parts; I continued to wet the bed until the age of twelve, and so on, which caused considerable alarm among my family. My grandfather was especially anxious

At that time, grandfather had already been gone from us for three years

My mother tugged at my father, trying to stop him from continuing to speak

On the day of my eighth birthday, my family prepared a feast to celebrate. My grandfather and father had a bit of wine, and the two of them began to discuss some very strange things

The true reason for the irreconcilable differences between my grandfather and father is something I only came to understand later

Father lowered his head and took a sip of wine. After a long silence, he raised his head and said: "You know, the person you owe the most is not me! ... There is no principle in the world where a father owes his son. We cannot explore equally who owes whom, because a father is simply a father, and cannot be chosen! However, there are some people we should not overlook. The more you try to forget her, the more she lingers in your heart, even if you never mention her again!"

The mother sat beside them, looking at them in astonishment

However, I do not think so; rather, I find it quite amusing. There were a few occasions when I took my father's scalpel and dissected a doll that someone had given me, wanting to see the mysterious things my grandfather had mentioned. But the outcome was quite disappointing. It was my mother who, upon discovering this, turned pale and immediately confiscated the tools I had attempted to use to satisfy my curiosity. She dragged me in front of my father and said, "Look at what your precious son has done! Are you just going to let him absorb all that nonsense you teach him?"

Here, I would particularly like to mention my father. According to the previous generation, my father exhibited a strong aptitude for medicine from a young age. Had it not been for the unfortunate timing, he might have become an excellent doctor. He showed great interest in the medical texts treasured by my grandfather at a very young age, acquiring much knowledge about the human body without formal instruction, and by his teenage years, he was able to analyze symptoms for others. My grandfather thus had high hopes for him. However, sometimes, things do not develop according to one's expectations. During the Great Leap Forward, my grandfather was regarded as a remnant of the old society and suffered significant setbacks. As a result, my father dropped out of school and did not complete his education. Nevertheless, relying on his medical talent, he self-studied medical knowledge and opened a clinic in the city to treat patients. The ailments he addressed were diverse, encompassing surgery, internal medicine, pediatrics, and gynecology. It is said that he possessed exceptional medical skills and earned the respect of many. However, his methods often differed from those of others, leading some to label him as practicing unorthodox medicine.

Grandfather felt somewhat melancholic. After a long silence, he sighed and said: "This is indeed my fault! Before she passed away, I always believed she was happy, thinking that our fate could only be this way. ... It seems that people are most easily trapped in the assumptions they set for themselves, failing to consider others' feelings! In fact, living is a philosophy, a form of meditation; what cannot be understood will be lost! Death is far simpler than life. " In fact, living is a philosophy, a form of meditation; what cannot be understood will be lost! Death is far simpler than life.

The two of them did not speak again, but silently drank their wine, one sip after another

In fact, those who are curious do not understand that I am a very confused person, and I have never seriously contemplated the future! For me, the future is something that is predicated on countless assumptions, filled with innumerable unknown possibilities. Perhaps a single action could change these possibilities; who can predict what will happen in the future? Just like what I encounter in my current profession, not everything has a reason, even life and death! Therefore, I approach life with the same attitude I had in school, never confining myself within the framework of consciousness. Since that is the case, let everything be as it may

The patient who was rescued by my father was later sent to a large hospital and survived. The doctors there were very surprised by my father's suturing technique and said that if it had not been for my father's stitching, the patient would likely not have survived. Since no serious consequences occurred, my father returned home after being detained for a few days.

I have never shirked my responsibilities, even if your mother no longer recognizes me, I have never thought of abandoning her. Grandfather was already quite drunk. Not only that, I have never thought that she would abandon us. In those days, even when she smelled the stench clinging to my breath—brought from the corpses I had encountered—she still loved me so much! This often leads me to wonder whether she truly no longer recognizes me or if she simply does not want to come home with me.

In fact, my mother appeared quite conflicted and contradictory regarding the profession I would pursue in the future. It seemed as though she had a premonition, yet she did not firmly insist on her own views. Therefore, when I later presented her with the admission notice from the Zen City Public Security Bureau, her expression was difficult to describe

My mother later recalled that perhaps due to being born amidst medical instruments, I have always enjoyed playing with a surgical knife since the moment I was born. Of course, it was only the handle. I did not take her words seriously. I knew that my mother had always hoped I would graduate from medical school in a proper manner and become a respectable doctor, thereby fulfilling the deep-seated wish of my father. What she meant to convey was that I was inherently connected to medicine from birth! I understood that my mother had always wished for me to graduate from medical school properly and to become a respectable doctor, thus realizing my father's deeply buried aspiration. In essence, she was trying to tell me that I was born to be a doctor!

"Do you still not understand your own child?" The father suddenly chuckled, "It won't turn the world upside down; at worst, I can still do what my grandfather did!"

I have always known that my grandfather feels a deep sense of guilt regarding how his profession affected my father's education. When I was young, I asked him what he did at the old police station. My grandfather never answered me directly, as if it were something shameful, something he was embarrassed to speak of. Because of this, my grandfather seemed like a mystery to me at that time

Are you really that confident? Just make sure you don't end up crying because of him! The mother released her grip, sighed, and said, "If none of you care about him, why should I bother?"

After suturing the patient's wound, the father was taken away by the police who arrived after being alerted by the regulatory authorities

Grandfather began to practice Buddhism at that time, and often a group of fellow believers would come to our home to seek him out, addressing him as Qinglian Jushi, a name he presumably chose for himself. The reasons for their gatherings were nothing more than trivial matters, such as which temple needed repairs or where assistance was required for temple fairs. However, Grandfather engaged in these activities with great enthusiasm, as if there were no other joys to be found in life.

Someone asked me why I want to be a forensic doctor, and I couldn't answer.

It has been said that people are keen on solving puzzles because each individual has their own enigma. And each of us yearns to discover our own truth

At that time, she was already with another man. Moreover, she had forgotten about me!" said Grandpa

In fact, time is a demonic sword that ruthlessly severs all grievances and enmities, and no one can resist it. Just as my grandfather said, living is a form of Zen practice; what cannot be understood will be lost, and no one can take shortcuts in the face of time

My mother was very averse to my grandfather's behavior, often finding excuses to take me away, unwilling to let me accept those things. Many years later, when I learned about my grandfather's profession at the old police station, I finally understood that those things had already seeped into his very bones; what he spoke of were merely some things he found hard to part with. In my mother's eyes, my grandfather's past profession was nothing more than a filthy occupation, merely a means of survival out of necessity

Father looked at the doll that I had torn apart, but did not say a word

I have never understood the contradictions between attending school and studying human anatomy, so I disregarded what the teacher said and continued to draw my own anatomical diagrams. My homeroom teacher wrote in my end-of-term comments: "Intelligent, but not focused on the right things!" I did not show this comment to my parents; instead, I traced those words into a drawing of a male nude, then folded it into a paper airplane and threw it into the sky. The airplane, adorned with an exclamation mark that I had transformed into a male anatomical feature, arrogantly lifted its nose and flew off into the distance. I did not show this comment to my parents; instead, I traced those words into a drawing of a male nude, then folded it into a paper airplane and threw it into the sky. The airplane, adorned with an exclamation mark that I had transformed into a male anatomical feature, arrogantly lifted its nose and flew off into the distance

Since then, I realized that there should be a person referred to as grandmother, and the disappearance of this person seems to be related to grandfather's profession

Look at him, so small, yet he spends all day sulking and doing such things. What will he become when he grows up? Will he turn into a human butcher?" My mother, seeing my father's indifferent expression, became even angrier and twisted my ear with one hand as she spoke

"You are right; the one I owe the most is your mother!" Grandfather rested his elbow on the table, his hand holding the cup against his forehead, pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts. When he looked up again, his eyes were already glistening with tears: "... The year she left, you were the same age as Zhe'er is now, just eight years old. That day, you cried in utter despair, hysterically, breaking hearts. Since then, I have been unable to provide you with a complete home. Love, hate, and enmity, as you said, there are some things we cannot choose, especially in such a social environment. ... The year she left, you were the same age as Zhe'er is now, just eight years old. That day, you cried in utter despair, hysterically, breaking hearts. Since then, I have been unable to provide you with a complete home. Love, hate, and enmity, as you said, there are some things we cannot choose, especially in such a social environment. Who can change the fate of thieves and the fate of those who usurp a nation?"

Indeed, I do not appreciate those lofty preachings. In my view, what are termed as profound insights are merely products of thought under specific conditions, serving as constraints on individuals. There is nothing immutable, for the premises upon which these things exist are constantly undergoing change. However, it is precisely this disdain for authority that perplexes my homeroom teacher, who insists that I am a student without a future, filled with impractical ideas.

After I discovered my various abnormalities, my grandfather took the initiative to take care of me. Besides attending to my daily needs, he spent the most time sharing with me the forensic knowledge that I would later come to understand. My grandfather said that it was one of the best ways to train one's thinking and might help improve intelligence. Therefore, in my later impressions, I often envisioned a scene: my father rarely initiated conversations with my grandfather; my grandfather, as if he had done something wrong, often liked to mutter to himself or would hold me on his lap, gently touching a part of his body and telling me what it was called, what it looked like inside, what it would turn into, and how to open it to see. Thus, in my later impressions, I often envisioned a scene: my father rarely initiated conversations with my grandfather; my grandfather, as if he had done something wrong, often liked to mutter to himself or would hold me on his lap, gently touching a part of his body and telling me what it was called, what it looked like inside, what it would turn into, and how to open it to see.

Upon reflection, perhaps my medical talent is inherited from the genetic legacy of my ancestors

After entering school, I was not interested in the so-called core subjects of language and mathematics; instead, I really enjoyed the "non-core" subject of health education. I consistently ranked first in the class on every test and could even draw the entire structure of the human body with my eyes closed. The term "non-core" was used by my homeroom teacher, who was quite surprised that I could excel in a subject like health education, which does not count towards academic performance. He often implied in class that one should focus on core subjects, as future examinations will consider the overall scores of these subjects rather than how well one performs in non-examined courses. He emphasized that it is not useful to be like some classmates who excel in health education but rank low in core subjects. What is the point of that? Is school for studying the human body or for academic achievement?

What kind of profession could influence a person's existence? When I later learned that my grandfather was a coroner in the old police station, I couldn't help but feel quite curious

Later, I thought that the reason I chose the profession of forensic science might be related to my family. My grandfather worked at the police station during the old society, and my uncle was a police officer in the new China. The unintentional conversations of the previous generation had a subtle influence on me, perhaps making this profession of upholding justice an inseparable part of my life in my subconscious.

There are always people who like to ask me such questions, because as a former controversial figure in medical school, I caused quite a stir during my time there. Some of my professors held me in high regard, believing I was a student with great potential, while others considered me a complete failure, beyond redemption

Then, I returned to that familiar city and became a forensic doctor

"That is your occupational flaw!" The father finally became somewhat agitated, "It is your profession that has caused you pain, not others! When you cut into someone else's flesh, you have long since lost your emotions, becoming indifferent, devoid of love! As a result, when you later saw your mentally disturbed mother, you actually did not bring her back!"

On the day I was born, my father was performing a suturing operation on a patient who had suffered internal bleeding from a fall, using a scalpel. My pregnant mother was assisting him by sterilizing the instruments nearby. Such surgeries were rare at that time, and officials from the medical regulatory department, upon hearing the news, demanded that my father immediately cease the operation and transfer the patient to a proper hospital for treatment. My father did not comply; instead, he proceeded to open the patient's abdominal cavity in front of them. The medical regulators were at a loss, watching helplessly as he extracted the blood that was spilling from the internal organs and used primitive suturing methods to stitch up the damaged organs. My father did not comply; instead, he proceeded to open the patient's abdominal cavity in front of them. The medical regulators were at a loss, watching helplessly as he extracted the blood that was spilling from the internal organs and used primitive suturing methods to stitch up the damaged organs.

Regrettably, I have never unraveled the mystery surrounding my grandfather. At that time, my father and the others were still young and unable to accurately describe the circumstances, which has led to a loss of objective basis for analyzing certain matters concerning him and my grandmother. Detached from reality, subjective conjecture is a major taboo in analysis and reasoning. Some matters must inevitably be abandoned by time, sinking forever into the river of history.

Now, I am increasingly fascinated by forensic work, a profession that places medicine within the realm of intricate reasoning. Everyone finds themselves in a maze; when we are immersed in it, we discover many convoluted exits, most of which are illusory, born from the mind, a blend of reality and illusion, shrouded in mystery, with hidden complexities at every turn. There is only one true conclusion, which can only be reached by calming the mind, eliminating distractions, and continuously hypothesizing—reasoning—eliminating—determining, until the real answer is uncovered. Each time a truth is discovered, it brings a moment of enlightenment, akin to a new metamorphosis from cocoon to butterfly, a feeling that is addictive. The true conclusion remains singular; only by calming the mind, eliminating distractions, and persistently hypothesizing—reasoning—eliminating—determining can the genuine answer be revealed. Each revelation of truth brings a moment of clarity, reminiscent of a fresh transformation from cocoon to butterfly, a sensation that is captivating. Now, seeking answers through the bodies of others is even more enthralling—though sometimes it reveals a bloody truth.

After being admitted to medical school, my mother repeatedly asked me what major I had chosen. She had heard from others that there was a forensic science major at the university and was worried that I would study something she deemed to have no future. My father also firmly supported my mother's opinion, saying, "Listen to your mother, study clinical medicine." However, his subsequent remark angered my mother: "No matter what you do in the future, this major truly lays the foundation for medicine!" — Thus, I chose to study clinical medicine