Chapter 5, If I Say I Am Sorry

So no one has ever told me who truly has the right to forgive me

A spasm in my stomach, I took a deep breath, trying to restore the normal rhythm of my heartbeat

"Class is about to start, Lanxin, you don't need to go to this class. We will help you take a leave of absence. You should rest well in the dormitory, and we will come back after class." Liu Wen glanced at the time and said to me

"It will be noisy." He calmly placed the phone back in my hand, then turned and walked towards the computer, completely ignoring my angry gaze

Mo Yuchen, after seven years, I have finally seen you

I thought I might never see Xu Muchen again, just as I would never see Chen Ke and Mo Yuchen again

I returned Chen Ke's phone to her: "Do not go to remote places anymore, especially at night; it is very dangerous to be alone."

In the dream, there is me, there is Chen Ke, there is Mo Yuchen, whom I have always been unwilling to think about or confront, and there is Xu Muchan

"This assumption does not exist, Chen Ke." I smiled at her, "The fact is that I was there too, and we were saved."

In fact, your call came at just the right time. I silently added in my heart

Yes, I have liked Xu Muchen for many, many years

I close my eyes, and the face of Xu Muchan emerges in my mind

I cannot do it

Where have we gone, the ones we once were

I have never allowed anyone to come close to me, so no one knows what the deepest secret hidden in my heart truly is

"Lan Xin, do not push yourself too hard, and do not shut your heart away." Guo Jiani gently patted my head and whispered softly in my ear

I slept straight through to the next morning. When I opened my eyes, the sky was already bright, and the morning light was streaming in through the glass window

Well, at this point, I have already been brought here by him, and refusing is meaningless. Moreover, he has delayed quite a long time to save me. ... Most importantly ... my stomach is in excruciating pain, and in this condition, I truly cannot return to school

In any case, he will not harm me, so it does not matter where I am taken.

I have ruined Mo Yuchen's future

So, why have you brought me here again today? I asked in confusion

There is nothing to worry about for now. I briefly explained the situation, and Liu Wen let out a sigh of relief. After reminding me to be sure to pay attention to safety, she hung up the phone

When I came out of the inquiry room, I saw Chen Ke sitting on the long bench outside, clearly having finished the record.

Indeed, we have noticed it as well. Clearly, you and Xu Muchen have mutual feelings for each other, yet you always deny this fact. Xu Muchen is such a wonderful person, and you force yourself to let him go; there must be some underlying reason for that. Liu Wen sighed and wiped the tears from my face with a tissue, saying, "Don't cry, it's alright."

I do not want to become like that

I once resolved fiercely to spend my entire life without making friends, to dislike anyone, to be unable to enjoy happiness, and to live on in perpetual sadness

I found myself momentarily at a loss for words to refute.

He stared at me blankly

I know what I was thinking at that time

I remember that Song Yanyi, your school is very close to Chen Ke's school. Why don't you walk together? Song Yanyi, could you please help me deliver this to Chen Ke? I said, "I'll treat you to a meal another day"

I sat up from the sofa, trying to minimize my presence so as not to disturb Xu Muchen

Lu Lanxin, it is time to go home, the little girl who used to laugh, I will definitely take you home, I will let you reside in my heart again, occupy my soul once more, and embrace this world with the greatest kindness while smiling again

It can't be, I can't possibly be that lucky one every time. Taking good care of oneself is a responsibility to oneself

What answers am I expecting from them? At this point, do I still want others to forgive me? Because I am unable to forgive myself, I seek different answers from others; how cunning I truly am!

I held Liu Wen, crying so hard that I couldn't say a word. What should I say? Should I say that I rejected Xu Muchen, or that I clearly like Xu Muchen but deliberately said I didn't like him?

It seemed that I was afraid of waking him, and even my heartbeat became extremely faint. As if compelled by some unseen force, I reached out a hand, wanting to touch his soft hair. However, just as I was about to make contact, a hand firmly grasped my wrist, and those closed eyes opened.

So many years have passed, and out of fear, I have dared not to recall. I have been a coward for so many years, and I do not wish to continue like this.

"It's nothing, I'm fine." I asked softly, "What about you? You must have been scared yesterday."

Whoosh

Even as time flows by, we are no longer the same as we were in our childhood, yet I still wish to protect her

"Lan Xin, ever since the day I said goodbye to you, I felt that you have hidden yourself away." Chen Ke continued softly, "Lan Xin, where have you hidden the former Lan Xin? The one who used to laugh, was kind, intelligent, courageous, and a bit stubborn... where have you hidden her?"

Not deserving at all

I turned my head away, not daring to let him see my eyes. The gaze is the easiest way to reveal a person's inner thoughts, and I did not wish for him to see the deeply hidden past that I kept buried in my heart

I understand, Chen Ke, I have already comprehended it

I do not know what? He pressed on step by step, questioning, "If you say nothing, no one will ever know what you are thinking."

He took a step closer to me, and I took a step back.

A sound came from somewhere, and I opened my eyes to see Chen Ke. She was being very cautious and appeared quite nervous. After glancing around and confirming that no one was present, she finally mustered the courage to open the locker door

However, you have work to do, right? Although I do not know exactly what Xu Muchen is doing, it is clear that he is very busy

I halted in my steps, my entire being frozen in place. I stared at Xu Muchan in astonishment, believing that he would never say such words to me.

I flipped through that book, which is a science fiction novel, and I was just about to read it seriously when my phone rang

I stubbornly refuse to let anyone get close, as I do not wish to allow myself to be happy, always feeling that if I were to live happily, it would be too excessive

How wonderful it would be if that incident had never occurred

I quietly gaze, as if neither heaven nor earth exists, my heart and eyes filled, only able to see that pure boy.

"We have always felt that you, Lanxin, must be harboring some secret in your heart." Guo Jiani poured a glass of water and handed it to me, "Of course, we do not wish to know what that secret is; everyone has secrets, and we have them too. However, Lanxin, I want to tell you one thing: never let the past affect your present life"

I have forgotten when I last allowed myself to cry freely, but at this very moment, I am sobbing uncontrollably. It feels as if I want to wash away all my unhappiness, all my past, with tears.

A boy, dressed in a white school uniform shirt with a beautiful bow tie, walks over like a little gentleman

The door was opened from the inside, I picked up the key from the ground, and when I looked up, I saw Liu Wen standing at the doorway

Speaking of which, I never thought that one day I would return to a good friendship with Chen Ke, nor did I expect that one day, my heart would be opened by someone

When did it all begin? Xu Muchan has planted such a vast root system in my heart. They intertwine and entangle, gradually consuming my heart, and the walls I have guarded at the gate of my heart have long since collapsed

At this moment, Song Yanyi and Xu Muchen also came out of the inquiry room. Xu Muchen walked over to my side, and I couldn't help but feel that he intentionally separated me from Song Yanyi, though I wasn't sure if I was overthinking it

The phone rang; it was a call from Chen Ke

Liu Wen and Guo Jiani exchanged a glance, then fell silent, remaining quiet for quite some time.

The corners of his mouth twitched slightly as he replied in a low voice, "Mm."

Chen Ke and Song Yanyi's school is close to each other, and the bus they need to take home is the same one. Their bus arrived first. I watched them board the bus, and only Xu Muchan and I were left at the bus stop

Indeed, it was quite shocking, and after returning, I thought a lot about it. Lan Xin, I still believe that you should be with Xu Mu Chen. " Chen Ke suddenly brought up the matter of Xu Mu Chen, " Lan Xin, in this world, encountering someone you like and being liked by someone else is already quite rare. And the fact that the person you like happens to like you back, the probability of that is too small. Therefore, Lan Xin, do not let go.

"Have you finished eating?" Xu Muchen asked me.

"Well, I was worried that I might disturb you during class," Chen Ke sighed in relief, "I just wanted to ask if you are okay, were you scared yesterday?"

I ran to the school gate and boarded the bus heading to the city center

I am looking for a reason for myself, a reason to approach Xu Muchen

Xu Muchen. When I arrived at school, I did not know where I found the courage, "You really don't have to be so nice to me, truly."

I looked at the bowl of porridge in front of me and felt a deep warmth in my heart. It turns out that I have always been cared for and watched over by others

I shook my head, trying to shake his image from my mind. I was clearly already timid, instinctively wanting to run away, so why did I still think of Xu Muchan

Once flamboyant, Chen Ke, when looking at me, seemed to possess a rather arrogant gaze, and before calling out to me, would certainly raise one eyebrow first

At that time, we were so happy as if we would never encounter gloom and separation

01

No one moved first, everything seemed to be frozen in time

The sense of guilt has been following me since that time, and over the years, it has continuously expanded, to the point where it is nearly overwhelming me now

Many years ago, that extremely terrible emotion engulfed me once again. I wanted to escape from here; I no longer wanted to think about these matters!

I suddenly had this thought, that time should come to a halt, that everything should freeze at this very second, how wonderful that would be

I know. No one would doubt that she did it intentionally. I do not blame you, nor will I blame you. It was my decision to go with you, and it is also my fault for getting caught up in that kind of place. My mistake was not stopping you.

I truly find myself unable to confront that matter; I am indeed an incorrigible coward, allowing the past to dominate the present. All that I yearn for and cherish has been entirely forsaken by me

No. 68 Wutong Street. Chen Ke said, "Lan Xin, she has been there, always there."

Under Liu Wen's concerned greeting, the tension that had been tightly wound in my heart suddenly snapped. I rushed over to embrace her and could no longer hold back my tears

At this moment, Xu Muchan had already hailed a taxi. He pushed me into the car and provided the address of his home

He glanced at me inadvertently, and I awkwardly turned my head away, as if a small secret that should not be discovered had been exposed.

I sit quietly with my knees hugged, yet my gaze inevitably drifts towards Xu Muchen

"Shut up! Is your stomach no longer hurting?" He shot me a cold glare.

"Let's go, we can return now," Xu Muchen said

I stood up and walked over quietly. The sunlight enveloped him entirely, casting a gentle glow on his fair profile and the fine hairs on his skin, creating a soft radiance under the sunlight

However, on the first day of the first year of high school, amidst the sea of people, I recognized Xu Muchen with just a glance. The little boy of yesteryear had grown into a handsome young man, and just by standing there, he could attract the attention of many girls.

I thought I was disguising my discomfort well, and Xu Muchen should not have noticed my stomach pain. To my surprise, at that moment, he asked me in a tone that was both frustrated and anxious, yet filled with concern, "Has your stomach stopped hurting?"

"Let it be hidden in memories." The corners of my mouth curved downwards, and hot tears rolled down my cheeks. "Chen Ke, I miss her so much, I miss the past me, and the past you. I really, really... miss them!"

Guo Jiani's voice seemed to still echo in my ears, but that feeling of fear completely shattered the courage I had managed to muster

From now on, I and Xu Muchan will each be well on our respective sides of the Tianhe River

I was frozen in place.

In fact, I can go back by myself. It is no longer an issue now, and I believe there is no problem with me returning to school.

I grabbed a tissue and hastily wiped my face, then quickly ran out of the dormitory

Xu Muchen came out quickly; he simply washed up and changed into a clean set of clothes. A few droplets of water still clung to his bangs, sparkling under the sunlight

I cannot stop, I have come with reckless courage, and I must make a proper break with the past. Hidden in the crevices of time is a secret garden, where the past of Chen Ke and I resides, something that needs to be reclaimed, perhaps along with the hearts we have already lost.

03

It no longer hurts. I originally had many things to say, but in the end, I said nothing and quietly walked out.

"Do you want to know why I have stomach medicine?" Xu Muchen easily saw through my confusion

I am connected

Hmm, I said, "I am going back."

"Lan Xin." Liu Wen gently patted my back, slightly pulling me away, and upon seeing my tear-streaked face, her expression grew even more worried. "Has someone been bullying you? What exactly happened yesterday? Both Jia Ni and I are very concerned about you."

There is no need to trouble you with this. At this moment, Xu Muchen spoke up, saying, "I attend the same school as Lan Xin, so since you have the time, please take Chen Ke along the way."

The scene of that summer emerges in my mind, with the cicadas chirping in waves, the birds singing cheerfully, and the dense shade of the camphor trees casting large patches on the ground, as I fell asleep on the bench in the changing room

Upon arriving at the police station, while assisting the police in recording my statement, I presented that photograph as evidence, only to find that it became a clue and evidence for another case

A gust of wind swept through the treetops, lifting the loose strands of hair by my ear, while the sunlight filtering through the leaves rendered everything blurry, transporting my memories back to a time long, long ago

I pulled Chen Ke up from the chair; she is still in a very bad mood. We walked out of the police station and headed towards the bus stop.

My emotions have been pushed to the limit, and I almost blurted out: "I don't like you, not at all!"

How should I approach Xu Muchen in this state?

I touched my phone and checked the time, only to realize it was already 3 AM. Did I accidentally fall asleep for such a long time?

All the images in my mind shattered in that instant, darkness enveloped me, fragmented memories flickered continuously in my mind, and my stomach began to ache sharply.

I once destroyed a girl's most beautiful and splendid future

I blinked my eyes, not allowing myself to cry

"It’s all right now." I walked over and squatted in front of her, gently holding her hand, trying to help her relax a bit, "It’s all right now, Chen Ke, don’t be afraid."

He walked over, took the empty bowl to the sink to wash it clean, and when he returned, he pulled a book from the bookshelf and placed it in front of me, then continued with his tasks.

Little did I know that with just a turn, our relationship shattered like a mirror that could never be pieced back together, unable to reflect the same scenery again. From that moment on, the world we saw and everything we touched would never be the same again

No, if I had held onto Yuchen at that time, if I had not hesitated due to a bit of selfishness, then everything would not have turned out this way, and Yuchen would not have had to leave that stage, it is my fault

With his eyes closed, beneath his long eyelashes, there lies a small fan-shaped shadow that makes one unable to resist the urge to reach out and touch it

"Lan Xin, what are you looking at?" Chen Ke smiled at me, her eyes filled with understanding. "Lan Xin, you really do like Xu Mu Chen, don't you? You've liked him for many, many years."

"I will take you back to school," Song Yanyi said

Chen Ke was quite frightened; I comforted her for a while before she finally stopped trembling

You should respond that you will no longer encounter danger. For an interview location that clearly raises concerns, you should have figured out what kind of place it is before going. Xu Muchen said with exasperation, "Not smart, yet insists on being clever."

I do not want it this way

clang

The sunlight fell into his eyes, as if the finest glass was illuminated, astonishingly beautiful

Although I do not know what you are hiding in your heart that makes you constantly evade me, I once decided to wait for you patiently. However, I no longer wish to do so. His intense gaze fixed on me, his tone imbued with an undeniable firmness, "Because I believe that if I do nothing, you will not come to me. You are evading me, evading your own heart."

"It is not like that." After a long time, Guo Jiani slowly said to me, "Forgiveness or lack of forgiveness is not something we can decide. How can we determine if we are worthy of forgiveness without meeting the person we once hurt? Lan Xin, don't you understand? The ones who have the right to forgive you are the people you have hurt, as well as yourself for having hurt others!"

After a little over ten minutes, he brought me a bowl of century egg and lean meat congee, handed me the chopsticks, and said, "It's a bit hot, take your time eating," before returning to his work at the computer

I was suddenly taken aback, and Guo Jiani's words caused a violent tremor in my heart

Standing under the dense shade of the trees, one can see that No. 68 Wutong Street is a very beautiful boutique, with spotless glass windows and neatly arranged, stylish little items... Just by looking at it, one can sense that the owner of this shop must be a person who is very clean, has taste, and is gentle

Hey! I was immediately annoyed, "How can you be like this!"

As I look back once more, that white skirt has danced everything into the present day

Click

05

I am unable to approach him

I just feel particularly sad

The girl who was supposed to shine on the ballet stage, her life changed because of me, it is my fault

Xu Muchan glanced back at me and coldly uttered two words: "Shut up!"

"I won't go anymore, I will never go again." She nodded quickly, looking somewhat fearful, "If it weren't for you, I fear I would have already..."

I slowly sank back into a dream once again

I said: "Xu Muchen, do not waste your time on me, it is not worth it"

"Wait for me to finish my tasks, and we will go together," Xu Muchen said slowly

His footsteps paused slightly: "Is it the responsibility of a boy to let a girl go home alone, especially after encountering danger? Moreover, are you sure that in your current state, you can return to the dormitory?"

I walked forward along that ancient street. I could hear the pounding of my own heartbeat, and I could hear my hurried breaths. A wave of pain surged in my stomach, and I reached out to hold my abdomen, taking one step at a time.

I stared blankly at the stomach medicine in my palm

My stomach is still hurting, of course. My throat felt tight, and I quickly turned my head away, not wanting him to see my eyes, which had rapidly turned red.

"Let's go together," he said, closing the laptop. "Please wait for me for a moment."

I do not. I replied softly, "Xu Muchen, you are not me, you do not know..."

"Are you planning to get into danger again?" He shot me a cold glance

It was Song Yanyi who called.

It is likely that the recent deadline is approaching, hence they are rushing to complete their submissions

Oh, I will definitely pay attention next time I said in a low voice, desperately suppressing the sob in my tone

At that time, Chen Ke, Mo Yuchen, and I were very close friends, even closer than I am now with Liu Wen and Guo Jiani. The friendship among children is always so pure and simple, as a shared interest can foster a deep connection. Back then, after school, we would practice dance together, listen to our dance teacher's lectures together, skip classes to go shopping together, and hold large cups of milk tea while chatting as we walked on the crosswalk.

After about ten minutes, the taxi stopped downstairs at the residential complex. Xu Muchen paid the fare and pulled me out of the car

Xu Muchan closed the door and walked forward behind me

A hand took the phone from my hand, and I saw Xu Muchan, who had just been sitting in front of the computer working diligently, now standing in front of me. He took my phone and said calmly, "Lan Xin is with me now. If there's nothing else, I'll hang up first." After he finished speaking, he hung up the phone without waiting for me to grab it back.

He is truly handsome. When he puts on his glasses, he exudes a certain aloofness. In my memories, he was just a cheerful little boy. I do not know when he developed such a personality

Because I know, because I remember it deeply, I cannot forgive myself for making a grave mistake due to that little bit of selfishness

I must do something; if this continues, I will lose Xu Muchen, and even Liu Wen and Guo Jiani. I will return to a state of being alone, attending classes alone, eating alone, listening to music alone, and shedding tears alone

I ran back to my dormitory in one breath, and several times the key slipped from my hand while I was opening the door. It was only at that moment that I realized my hands were shaking violently; not just my hands, but my entire body was trembling.

I had not yet had the chance to delete the request for help and publish the current situation when Liu Wen's call came in

Song Yanyi glanced at me, then at Xu Muchen, who was standing beside me with an extremely calm expression. In the end, he relented: "Alright then, give me a call when you get to the dormitory, and we will meet another day"

However, it seems that I have gone back on my word. Liu Wen and Guo Jiani have touched me with their sincerity; they genuinely care about me, get upset over my matters, worry about me, and take me to heart. And Chen Ke, whom I thought I would never meet again, has once again crossed paths with me after so many years

He did not know that, in fact, I had known him for many years. There were many students in the dance class, and he rarely spoke to us. He would come to pick up his sister from class almost every day, and this continued for several years.

However, Xu Muchen probably no longer remembers this matter; perhaps in his memory, I am just a high school classmate of his

She is just ten meters away from me

Lan Xin, have you arrived at school

"Lan Xin?" Guo Jiani hurriedly ran out, closed the door behind her, and asked me in a worried tone, "What on earth happened? Please don't cry!"

Wutong Street is an ancient and quaint old street, located in the central area of Qing City. Amidst the bustling metropolis, Wutong Street stands as a silhouette of history, existing with a resilient demeanor.

It was not until I graduated from elementary school and entered middle school, after leaving the dance class, that I encountered Xu Muchen again.

Oh, I have arrived at school. For some reason, I instinctively lied to Song Yanyi; I did not want Song Yanyi to know that I am currently at Xu Muchan's house

I do not know if it is because of the thoughts of the day that manifest in dreams at night, but I had an exceedingly long dream

No, I said softly

Where are you taking me? I want to go back to school. I hurriedly shouted, "The bus is here!"

Are you saying that Mo Yuchen is in this city

04

How can someone like me be worthy of such a wonderful Xu Muchen? How can I attain happiness and joy? I have ruined the future of others; if I live happily without facing even the slightest punishment, that would be utterly unfair

I answered the call, and she said: "Lan Xin, I hope I am not disturbing you"

Like Chen Ke and me, that little girl who wore a ballet skirt and loved to dance has grown into a graceful young woman. She has long, shiny black hair, and her fair face reflects the tranquility of time. She is wearing a white dress that reaches her ankles, and her whole being is as gentle as a daffodil blooming in the water

A few days ago, a female university student went missing in Qingcheng, and no clues have been found to date. Coincidentally, that student is the girl in the photo

I said such things to him, and he surely will not waste any more time on me, right? In the future, when he sees me at school, he will no longer smile and greet me, will not come over to talk to me, will not give me those warm affections, and will not create the illusion among all the girls in the school—that the relationship between Xu Muchan and me is not purely platonic.

As I walked, I suddenly remembered that my phone was still turned off. I reached out with my other hand and took the phone out of my small bag. After turning on the phone, it displayed many missed calls, and friends in my social circle saw my plea for help and were inquiring about the authenticity of the information.

I became anxious; the moment I thought about the future being like that, I was completely overwhelmed with fear

I pushed him away with force and fled in a disheveled manner

I close my eyes, my heart feels heavy, as if someone has filled it with many stones

I did not turn back to look at Xu Muchen, for I feared that a single glance would compel me to reveal the overflowing longing and emotions I felt at that moment. I was afraid I would be unable to restrain myself from telling him that I liked him

If only that incident had not happened back then, I would have certainly held tightly onto the hand that Xu Muchen extended to me

Although it was merely a hurried glance, it was sufficient for me to see her appearance clearly

I nodded gently

I quietly watched as a girl with long hair walked to the window. I suppressed the urge to flee in panic and simply continued to watch in silence

Xu Muchan has returned to the computer as if nothing happened, his fingers nimbly dancing on the keyboard. He must be truly very busy. Yet even so, he still set aside his work and rushed to save me

My mood suddenly turned very bad, a sense of exhaustion washed over me. I held the book in my arms and fell into a deep sleep without realizing when it happened

I did not speak again, as I did not want to disturb him. I lowered my head and continued to read the book in my hands. After reading a page or two, I realized that I could not concentrate and kept getting distracted. I simply picked up my phone and sent a text message to Chen Ke, asking her if she had arrived at school safely. Chen Ke replied quickly, informing me that she had already reached the dormitory and urged me not to worry.

I suddenly woke up, exerted a little force, and pulled out the hand that he had grabbed. I said somewhat awkwardly: "I, I just wanted to wake you up."

Upon discovering that the interview location was quite remote, after walking a stretch of deserted night road, I should have felt a sense of caution and hurriedly left with Chen Ke, but ultimately, I was unable to do so

Pure and elegant ... It seems that every word in this world used to describe beauty is not excessive when applied to her

"Well, see you another day," I said

I am sorry, Xu Muchan, please forgive my insincerity, do not waste any more time on me, I am unworthy

I woke from my slumber to the sound of keyboard tapping. The surroundings were dim, with the only source of light being the small desk lamp not far away, along with the glowing computer screen.

How long have I been suppressing myself? How long have I been walking alone on that dark road?

"Let us go," he said

I slowly finished the bowl of congee, which was very delicious; it was the best century egg and lean meat congee I have ever had

I was also taken aback by his sudden awakening

I am fine!" Chen Ke quickly said, "You all go and see Lan Xin off, I can go back by myself.

I deleted the request for help and then posted a message indicating that I am safe

In the darkness, he is the only source of light

If there is a person who, without intention, made a mistake that resulted in terrible consequences, can that person be forgiven? I asked softly, "Are they qualified to be forgiven?"

I am going to meet Mo Yuchen. If that is the only way for me to reach those who love me, then no matter how difficult it may be, I must go to see her

"I am a bit busy today," he said lightly. "I was originally here and only went to report to the police after seeing your request for help."

Time, in this very second, completely smooths out the boundaries between reality and the past. I seem to see that year, when Mo Yuchen, dressed in a white ballet dress, gracefully twirled like a nimble swan on a stage illuminated by lights as white as snow

Once, Lu Lanxin seemed to live each day carefree, as if there were no darkness in this world that could harm her. She loved to laugh and play, and was very friendly to strangers

I miss them so much too! Chen Ke, like me, finally could no longer hold back her emotions; her cries came through the phone into my ears. We both started to sob uncontrollably, separated only by the phone.

The first time I met Xu Muchan was in the year I turned eight. On that day, a new partner joined the dance class, and that was Xu You'er. When she arrived, there was a boy accompanying her. That boy was Xu Muchan

With less than ten meters separating us, if I walk in now, I should be able to see Mo Yuchen.

Do not let those who love you and those you love show a sad expression because of your matters

Lan Xin, do you not understand? The ones who have the right to forgive you are those whom you have hurt, as well as the you who has hurt others

Even if seeing her causes me excruciating pain, akin to a perforated stomach, it does not matter. In this moment, an infinite strength surges within my heart

No one has ever told me these words. For so many years, besides myself, only Chen Ke knew that secret. Later, we attended different junior high schools, thinking we would never have any contact again, yet little did we expect that many years later, we would meet again.

I was momentarily at a loss for words. Who exactly was the person that just told Song Yanyi they would return to school with me!

I nodded gently

In fact, I am not completely unaware of what Xu Muchen is doing. Although it was quite rushed last time, I still saw his computer screen, and he should be writing a novel

How can I still hope to attain joy and happiness after having destroyed someone's future

I followed Xu Muchen upstairs, where he poured a glass of warm water and handed me some stomach medicine.

The campus is very quiet, as it is still early. Those with classes have gone to attend them, while most without classes are sleeping in. Therefore, I ran out and hardly encountered anyone.

"It is Lan Xin." Xu Mu Chen let out a sigh of relief

It was the dusk of midsummer, and the afterglow of the setting sun enveloped the entire world. Chen Ke and Mo Yuchen were practicing ballet, but my gaze fell outside the window. A bird flew by outside, and with a whoosh, the sound of its wings fluttering was distinctly audible

In the future, if you encounter danger, you must be the first to tell me, do you understand? He was rambling on, like an old woman who talks too much, "As long as you call me, there is no situation in which I cannot receive your call"

After Liu Wen and Guo Jiani left, the dormitory suddenly fell silent, as if all the sounds between heaven and earth had vanished in an instant, leaving me with a sense of deafness

Although I still wanted to say something, looking at Xu Muchan, who was emanating a chilling aura, I found myself unable to utter a single word

Looking back now, I still feel a bit fearful. This time Xu Muchen was there, but what about next time? If I encounter danger again, can I still rely on luck like this?

Throughout the journey, Xu Muchen consistently shielded me quietly, whether in the crowded subway or on the asphalt road bustling with pedestrians

"I have finished my work for now," he said as he walked to the door and opened it, quietly waiting for me to pass by. "Does your stomach still hurt?"

Hmm? I turned around and looked at him in confusion

Let’s go. Xu Muchen grabbed my wrist and pulled me forward

Xu Muchen. I reached out and grabbed the hem of his clothes. He turned around, and I smiled at him, saying, "I won't do this again in the future. Also, thank you for coming to save me."

Who would have thought they were so malicious, I cannot harbor animosity towards everyone. I am somewhat unconvinced, however, I will definitely not act recklessly again, next time I will certainly stop others and will not put myself in danger again

Ah, this is truly unfortunate, my eyes have become moist

Chen Ke cried as she spoke: "The one who is truly at fault is me! Lan Xin, it was my mistake from the very beginning! It is all my fault, Lan Xin!"

Having taken the medicine and consumed a bowl of hot porridge, the stomach pain has alleviated significantly, and the intense pain that had caused me to break out in a cold sweat has now become faint and intermittent

Perhaps I am a bit cunning, perhaps I have gained Mo Yuchen's forgiveness, yet I may never forgive myself. However, I can no longer afford to think so much. Even if I am cunning, even if I am excessive, I must return to the past and confront that buried memory that I have never mentioned to anyone.

I am going to see her and check how she looks now

She slightly furrowed her brows, looking at me in surprise. After noticing my complexion, a hint of concern subtly appeared in her eyes: "What’s the matter? Lanxin, what happened? Why do you look so unwell?"

My heart gradually lifted again. In the face of those brutish thugs, I could remain calm, but when confronted with Xu Muchen, I couldn't help but feel tense.

It is no wonder that Liu Wen and Guo Jiani always associate me with Xu Muchan. Because even I can feel that Xu Muchan must like me; otherwise, no one would treat another person so well. Even as friends, it would not be this good.

I am going to see her, I am going to meet that girl whom I have not dared to recall for so many years

I held the book, staring blankly at the words on it

If I say such things, they will definitely get angry and think I am being pretentious. However, I truly have no choice; there is a knot in my heart that has existed for many years. I dare not think about it, fearing that it will cause me stomach pain, and when I do think about it, I cannot even maintain a smile.

"What happened?" Liu Wen asked abruptly, "Lan Xin, how are you? Where are you now? I have called the police, and they said they have received the report."

No need, I can go back by myself. My heart is racing, and it seems that the warmth from where he held my wrist still lingers, as if a fire is burning there, making it feel hot. I fear that if I stay any longer, I will completely lose my composure and be utterly defeated

Xu Muchan fell asleep in front of the computer

"Whether it is worth it is for me to decide, not you," he said. "Do you really want to keep avoiding this? I don't believe you don't like me."

Xu Muchan glanced back at me, and the depths of his dark eyes seemed to conceal an emotion I could not comprehend: "What is wrong with being good to someone you like?"

02

I do not want to become like this

"Isn't it surprising?" He chuckled, "It shouldn't be surprising, Lanxin. The whole world can see that I like you, I don't believe you don't know."

It is indeed unforgivable, isn't it? Whether intentional or unintentional, a mistake is still a mistake, and the harm caused will not disappear simply because it was unintentional

This reason is indeed ... ...

No. 30 Wutong Street ... ... No. 40 ... ... ... No. 50 ... . ... It is getting closer, No. 68 Wutong Street seems to be within reach, the person I fear facing, the memories of the past I dread, are just a few steps away from where I stand.

"I didn't throw away what the doctor prescribed last time," he explained to himself, and then, while I was still in a daze, he walked into the kitchen

He nodded slightly and said, "I remember you have a class in the morning"

I am sorry. She suddenly burst into tears, "I am truly sorry for putting you in such a dangerous situation, I... I did not mean to."

"Just five minutes." He did not comply with my wishes, but instead strode into the bathroom. After a sound of running water, there was a brief silence

I raised my hand and found that a thin blanket was covering me

Regardless of what has happened or what she has experienced, those things seem to have left no negative marks on her. She remains as wonderful as ever, as if untouched by the mundane world.

Guo Jiani, Liu Wen, thank you for inspiring me to strive and to fight for my goals

I can go back by myself I said softly

I pressed my mouth tightly, as if the sadness in my heart had opened a breach, surging out in a rush. I choked back my sobs, allowing the tears to flow freely.

Tonight is truly long