Chapter 5: Self-Esteem and Inferiority

After this, when we meet again, we will be like strangers, as if we never knew each other, not even exchanging greetings. This should be the outcome I desired, yet why does it truly feel this way? I am filled with such heartache, such emptiness.

That day, I was just coming out of the library, walking alone on a path. In the distance, I saw a group of people gathered together. As I got closer, I realized that a familiar scene was unfolding again: it was Xiao Yue being harassed. The group harassing her was, coincidentally, the same bunch of delinquents led by the one with long bangs. They had actually come to the school. My heart skipped a beat, and I instinctively hid behind a tree.

I cannot give up on myself, no matter how rugged the road ahead may be. I must do my utmost to live a meaningful life. If I wish to change this frustrating fate, there is only one choice: to attend university

These three individuals, each with their own distinct characteristics, share a frustrating commonality: they treat me as if I were invisible. I don't even need to introduce myself to them; I simply retreated to my bed in solitude and began to pack my things

The next day, I got a haircut, bought a set of inexpensive clothes, and made myself look somewhat presentable before heading straight to school

Although I do not feel any warmth, I will not give up on myself. I have no home, no relatives or friends; everything relies solely on me. I must work a thousand times harder than others to survive in this indifferent world. I attentively listen to every class, read many books in the library, and take part-time jobs whenever I have the chance, striving to save for next year's tuition and to make a living.

Xiao Hei does not know, but I do. Xiao Yue has already become speechless towards me. Regardless of what kind of person I am in her heart, at the very least, Xiao Yue has sensed my indifference and deliberate avoidance. She wisely chose to no longer have any connection with me.

I thought that no matter how unruly that group of troublemakers was, they wouldn't dare to act recklessly in school. After taking this reassuring pill, I became more resolute in my decision not to stick my neck out. However, this resolve wavered once again when I saw Xiaoyue's helpless and pitiful gaze. To be honest, I truly have no immunity when it comes to Xiaoyue. No matter how rational or calm I try to be, once I encounter Xiaoyue's eyes, I easily become dazed and moved.

To others, I may just be air, or perhaps a bothersome thorn. The environment has made me feel as if I have autism; my sensitive heart can sense that many people reject me. To avoid being an eyesore to others, I always hide in the most secluded corners, whether in class or while eating. Even when walking, I choose the quietest paths.

I can no longer bear that kind of cost. It is so difficult for me to study at this university, and I cannot ruin my future any further. I also do not want to have my other leg crippled by them. After much inner turmoil, I chose to hide behind the tree and quietly watch.

I cannot understand why I have to demean myself so much. Is it because I am angry with her, or am I afraid she will cause me trouble? Or is it that I want to completely forget her?

The days of solitary effort have gone on for too long, and I have gradually adapted. However, there remains an inescapable feeling in my heart and a connection to books, which is the fear of encountering Xiao Yue

After realizing this fact, I often find myself unintentionally wandering to the playground, hiding in a secluded corner, wanting to secretly observe Xiao Yue. However, while I inadvertently nurture willows, my intentional efforts to cultivate flowers yield no blooms. Some things, once pursued deliberately, become difficult to achieve. Whenever I wish to see her, I always fail to catch a glimpse. Perhaps, some things, once lost, can never be reclaimed, including fate.

In the past, due to a lack of money, power, and courage, I lost the opportunity to attend university. Now, with 10,000 yuan in my pocket, I believe that as long as there is a glimmer of hope, I must seize this unique opportunity to change my fate. With this thought in mind, I raised my glass and drank it all in one go

I faintly heard the ruffians calling for Xiao Yue to pay compensation, referring to the incident when they were injured last time. They also mentioned that their big brother nearly lost his life, and they included all my debts in the calculations against Xiao Yue. Clearly, they came prepared. I do not know whether I am inherently lucky or unlucky; every time there is a melodramatic scene requiring a hero to save a damsel in distress, I always seem to be caught up in it. However, having learned my lesson twice and tasted the serious consequences, I truly dare not act recklessly again. I do not know whether I am inherently lucky or unlucky; every time there is a melodramatic scene requiring a hero to save a damsel in distress, I always seem to be caught up in it. However, having learned my lesson twice and tasted the serious consequences, I truly dare not act recklessly again

It was only when I truly immersed myself that I realized university life was not as beautiful as I had imagined. The people here are not as simple and genuine as my classmates from the countryside. Everyone seems to have a pair of calculating eyes, and those who are rich and handsome are particularly popular. For someone like me, who has nothing to offer, making friends is more difficult than ascending to the heavens. While others always gather in groups for meals and classes, I am always alone.

I nodded slightly under the book and softly said, "Well, I will take my leave now." After saying this, I walked away without looking back

After the procedures were completed, I immediately went to the assigned dormitory. It is a four-person room, and when I arrived, the other three were already there. One was playing a game, which I didn't understand, but I heard him shouting to hurry to Area A to drop the package or something like that. Another was watching a movie on the computer, and the woman on the screen was not wearing any clothes, which made me, someone who had never seen much of the world, blush. Compared to these two losers, the other one was much more sophisticated. He was dressed very fashionably, and at that moment, he was shouting into his phone, saying he didn't want to live in this terrible place and wanted to apply to the school to rent a place outside.

The people in the dance floor are dancing more joyfully, surrounded by numerous enchanting beauties, like serpentine spirits, who are indulging in their movements around an arrogant young gentleman. Looking at others, then at oneself, it feels as if one does not belong to this world. Why can others live so confidently while I must live so constrained? The road ahead is so long; how should I navigate it? Am I destined to live in such a submissive manner for a lifetime? Why can others live so confidently while I must live so constrained? The road ahead is so long; how should I navigate it? Am I destined to live in such a submissive manner for a lifetime?

After walking for a while, I finally heard the curious voice of that little black girl: "Yueyue, isn't he the lame man who risked his life to save you last time? Why don't you thank him?"

Xiao Yue stared at my student ID, even more surprised, and exclaimed, "What a coincidence!"

Thus, we stared at each other for a long time. With a look of astonishment, Xiao Yue slowly removed her headphones while gazing at me, appearing as if she wanted to say something but hesitated.

However, my bear has not yet drawn its sword to assist, while the true hero appears at the critical moment

Until the end of October www.hetushu.com, my life remained solitary and busy, without seeing Xiao Yue again, nor did anything particularly special happen. I have somewhat resigned myself to this, and I have indeed let go to some extent. However, events tend to strike when you least expect them, especially when you change your mindset.

After thinking all night, I suddenly became enlightened and finally understood that the reason I dare not face her again is not because I am unhappy with her giving me money, nor because I often say things that are insincere, but rather due to the two words: inferiority complex

Her beauty captivates me, her expression entices me, my heart sways incessantly. Just as I am hesitating, Xiao Yue, who is confronting the troublemaker, suddenly catches sight of me hiding behind the tree. In that moment of our eyes meeting, I can no longer contain myself. No matter how timid or thick-skinned I am, I cannot hide any longer. Thus, I slowly move my feet, preparing to walk towards them.

On an evening after National Day, I was walking alone on a quiet path, as usual, with my head down. Suddenly, a refreshing fragrance wafted into my nose, prompting me to slightly raise my head. A striking figure immediately caught my eye. She was dressed in a white casual outfit, with headphones dangling from her ears, exuding a youthful and fashionable vibe. Accompanying her was the little black girl from the restaurant last time. The two of them stood together, still presenting a stark contrast, yet at that moment, both the beautiful and the plain widened their eyes in unison, revealing expressions of surprise.

Dragging my weary body, I stepped into a bar that was utterly unfamiliar to me. The flickering lights, the pulsating music, the dancing crowd, the frenzied excitement—I was engulfed in the throng, drinking alone, one glass after another. I had heard that alcohol could numb the nerves, making the suffering feel joy, but why, after consuming so much, did I only feel dizzy and nauseous, with none of the troubles in my heart alleviated?

There is only a fine line between inferiority and self-esteem. A strong sense of inferiority stems from an overly strong sense of self-esteem. I desperately want to maintain my damned pride in front of Xiao Yue, simply because, from the first time I met her, her status as a goddess in my heart has never changed. I just, I just do not want to be looked down upon by the goddess.

Looking back, I realize I was truly foolish, constantly evading and putting on a facade. She wanted to say something to me, but I ignored her, either responding with damn lies or simply avoiding her. At that time, I just wanted to have nothing to do with her, to escape her gaze as quickly as possible. Now, we really have no connection at all, yet I feel even worse than I did back then

I knew what she wanted to ask, so I directly took out my student ID that I carried with me and held it out in front of her, saying with pursed lips: "I also study here"

Ten thousand yuan allowed me to completely sever ties with her. I originally planned to distance myself from her world, hoping that there would be no possibility of encountering her again. However, no matter how entangled I feel or how much I want to distance myself from her, I cannot give up my opportunity to attend university because of this. Now, I only hope that in this vast campus, she and I can become two parallel lines, never to cross paths. Yet, fate does not easily grant your wishes, and it seems that another meeting is inevitable. I cannot give up my opportunity to attend university because of this. Now, I only hope that in this vast campus, she and I can become two parallel lines, never to cross paths. Yet, fate does not easily grant your wishes, and it seems that another meeting is inevitable.

With the admission notice in hand, I rushed around the school, seeking help from everyone, using both soft and hard tactics. In the end, the school agreed to accept me, this latecomer and little disabled person