Chapter 8, Li Dai

Is that so? I chuckled, "Then the fact that you often see me lost in thought suggests that you haven't been studying properly either"

"It's done, I've been caught." Yan'er stuck out her tongue and made a face, then turned around and pretended to read the bamboo slips.

Could it be that the Emperor discovered he had mistakenly favored Yan'er and thus decided to grant her his affection? That would indeed be a matter of great joy for all, as it would fulfill the wishes of the Empress Dowager and Princess Lu Yuan, while also aligning with my numerous attempts to evade responsibility

I hesitated and said, "What does Yan'er want to hear?" "Anything is fine, I just want to hear Sister Qingyi tell a story." "Alright then, I will tell Yan'er a story about a female hero." I pulled Yan'er close, letting her lie outside the bed so that I could wrap my right arm around her. "This female hero is Yan'er's royal grandmother, the current Empress Dowager. During the reign of the Former Qin, Gaozu was the chief of Dongsi Water Pavilion in Peixian. He was dissatisfied with the tyranny of the Qin king and rose up in rebellion, leading his brothers against Qin. When he left his hometown, he left behind his parents and wife. Not long after, the Qin king sent people to his hometown to capture his relatives and threaten him. During the reign of the Former Qin, Gaozu was the chief of Dongsi Water Pavilion in Peixian. He was dissatisfied with the tyranny of the Qin king and rose up in rebellion, leading his brothers against Qin. When he left his hometown, he left behind his parents and wife. Not long after, the Qin king sent people to his hometown to capture his relatives and threaten him. The Empress Dowager was both brave and wise; at a critical moment, she drove a carriage to escape with her in-laws. Although there were thousands of troops pursuing her from behind, she still managed to escape with great effort. Unfortunately, in the chaos, her mother-in-law was killed, and her father-in-law fell into the hands of Xiang Yu, who also harbored ambitions to seize the world, and became a hostage.

I felt the scorching heat wave enveloping me as I set down the bamboo slip and looked at her. Her round face was only a palm's distance away from me, and her large eyes were filled with anticipation, reflecting the flickering candlelight.

"Grandmother is so formidable," Yan'er exclaimed, speechless. "Alright, it's time to sleep," I said, smoothing her hair and tucking it into a hairnet. Wrapping hair in a net is a method favored by women in the palace to protect their hair, preventing it from breaking or falling out during sleep. Yan'er hesitantly lay down and soon fell into a deep sleep. I lay beside her, closing my eyes. In a daze, I heard the sound of the palace door opening, and feeling helpless, I could only wait quietly for them to come in. Unexpectedly, a white dragon-patterned cloth floated down and covered Yan'er's face. I panicked and grabbed the arm of the person in front of me who was trying to take Yan'er away. That arm was incredibly strong; with just one push, I was thrown aside with a low cry of pain. Yan'er seemed to wake up, but before she could struggle, that person covered her mouth, rendering her unable to make a sound. Two figures flashed and were already outside the hall door. I dared not call for help loudly, and due to my injuries, I could not chase after them. I couldn't even manage to stand up by holding onto the bedpost. I could only watch helplessly as they took Yan'er away. It's over; what should I do now? The secret that originally belonged only to me and the Emperor has been ruined by foolish servants.

Yan'er nodded vigorously, it seems that using the Empress Dowager to frighten her is the best method. The Emperor's words were cleverly phrased, but how much the Empress Dowager could comprehend remains unknown

Yan'er smiled and said, "It's good that you're not angry. Sister Qingyi, you should go to sleep first." I suddenly turned towards her and said, "But Yan'er, please don't mention what happened last night to anyone, lest the Empress Dowager finds out and blames us."

As I caress his spine, I ponder what kind of shadowy life has shaped the weak emperor before me. He is unable to realize his ambitions, unable to protect anything that the empress dowager disapproves of, and he cannot even govern his own consciousness. He is indeed a pitiable person. Yan'er’s voice pulls my awareness back. "Sister Qingyi, why have you been so distracted lately? You hold a book but do not read it, your eyes are fixed ahead."

Perhaps the position of emperors determines that they are destined to distribute their favor among the numerous beauties depicted in paintings and books. I thought I would become numb, but it turns out I cannot.

Whenever Xiang Yu faced defeat or misfortune, he would bring her out to humiliate her, subjecting her to beatings and insults as if it were a daily routine. Yet she never yielded, continuously shouting back in defiance, a spirit of iron and steel that even Xiang Yu, a man, greatly admired. Later, when Xiang Yu fled to the Wu River, he felt ashamed to face the elders of Jiangdong and took his own life. It was then that she and Emperor Gaozu ascended the throne together, enjoying the worship and offerings for generations to come. Yan'er listened intently; these were things she had never known. The historical records of great achievements never acknowledge the significant contributions of women, and the praises sung for emperors erase the figures of these powdered heroes. The story of Empress Lü was told to me by my grandfather, who once remarked that Empress Lü possessed the cunning of an emperor. Without her assistance, the Han dynasty might not have been established; she was indeed the greatest contributor to the Han.

For five consecutive nights, I was carried out from the Weiyang Palace at midnight and sent to the Lingxiao Hall, only to be brought back from the Lingxiao Hall in the early morning

Later, she endured countless hardships to escape to her husband's camp. At that time, Emperor Gao had already entered Guanzhong, but was relentlessly pursued by the Overlord Xiang Yu. It was at Hanwang Mountain that the two finally shouted to each other from a distance. Xiang Yu drew his bow and shot an arrow, which struck Emperor Gao in the chest with tremendous force, knocking him down. The Chu army erupted in cheers. At that moment, the Empress Dowager resolutely broke the arrowhead off Emperor Gao's chest in secret and with all her strength helped him up. Emperor Gao, in pain, could not speak, while she shouted encouragement, saying that no hero in the world could surpass the King of Chu, and she believed it too. However, the arrow was indeed very inaccurate, only hitting my husband's heel. The proud Overlord of Chu, naturally unwilling to investigate further, withdrew his troops in anger, temporarily relieving the siege.

I smile sadly, and though everything seems to go smoothly, why do I feel such sorrow in my heart? The nights spent in each other's embrace have already moved me somewhat. I would willingly be a flower that understands him, even if it means competing for his affection with countless other women throughout my life. Yet today’s situation makes me hesitate. The joys of morning and the rush of evening lie before me, seemingly weighing whether my sacrifice is worthwhile.

I lovingly caressed her hair, my thoughts drifting far away once again. It is indeed perilous to frequently receive summons to the emperor's bedchamber; although each time the path is unclear, merely a clandestine encounter in the dark, there are always concubines bribing those close to the emperor to inquire who is currently favored. The consequences of such information leaking are unimaginable. I furrowed my brows tightly, oh emperor, you have brought me to this plight. You only seek me to pour out your grievances, yet you push me into an irretrievable situation. The weight of my worries makes time feel exceedingly long; having just passed noon, I began to grow impatient, both hoping that tonight I would still be summoned to serve, allowing me to express my concerns and plead with the emperor to let me evade the dual pressures, yet deep down wishing that the emperor would not summon me to the Lingxiao Palace tonight, so that I might be forgotten. Caught in this dilemma, I tossed and turned, unable to find peace. As the time for lighting the lamps approached, Yan'er was already weary, having asked the palace maid to help her remove her hairpins, she climbed onto the bed in her simple undergarment, her hair cascading down.

Yan'er slept deeply, completely unaware. I still remember last night when the Emperor rested his head in my arms, resembling a young child, murmuring about how his mother had fought for the throne he now held, reflecting on the countless innocent lives sacrificed in what seemed like a calm struggle. The frail Emperor always looked up to his mother's resolute and steadfast figure, feeling immense sympathy for those who had been trampled underfoot by her, yet he could only timidly follow in her shadow. This placed the kind-hearted Emperor on the edge of internal conflict every day. Especially after he ascended the throne, his mother still refused to spare Liu Ruyi and Consort Qi. His repression reached an unprecedented level. He dared not resist or argue, and could only protect his younger brother in his naive way. Ultimately, the plan failed, and he fell ill. After recovering, he refused to concern himself with any internal or external affairs, spending his days in leisure and amusement.

"What does Yan'er want to do, does she want to scare the maid?" I poked her little nose. "Of course not, I just want Sister Qingyi to tell me a story." She had a very flattering expression. "Hmm, but what if the maid doesn't know how to tell stories?" I teased her on purpose. She looked at me with disbelief: "I don't believe it, Sister Qingyi knows everything, please tell me, Sister Qingyi."

In just a moment, several hypotheses and responses flashed through my mind. Everything can only be determined based on Yan'er’s return. Unable to light a lamp, I can only wait in the darkness. The night is so long, and my eyes strain to see, yet there is no end in sight. As dawn begins to break, a sliver of gray-white light filters through the window, causing my heart to tighten suddenly. Why has Yan'er not yet been returned, even though the hour has already passed?

Even so, it could not change the perilous situation of Emperor Gao being besieged. The Empress Dowager, dressed in Emperor Gao's clothing late at night, led a dozen guards to divert Xiang Yu's attention. When Xiang Yu pursued with all his might, Emperor Gao had already escaped with his men. When Xiang Yu captured the Empress Dowager, he realized he had been deceived, and in his rage, his blood surged in reverse; he could only use her as a hostage to threaten Emperor Gao.