1. Welcoming people

Amber bowed her head: "Lord Fu Jun, Fu Da Ren."

The sound of Yin's breathing was heavy, and his sighs were even heavier. His chin pressed against the top of my head, and one of his hands grasped both of my wrists, forcefully pulling my hands down.

Since that is the case, why do you not come in person

The clan power that specifically existed during the Han Dynasty, to some extent, even surpassed that of certain small local regimes. These groups, bound by blood relations, exhibited greater cohesion than other scattered minor forces. Although the authority of the clan leader was not greater than that of government officials, within the family, they held absolute command.

Do you want to see him? What if he really comes?

A wave of sorrow surged within me, and I could no longer contain my emotions as I burst into tears. I turned and fell into the embrace of the shadowy figure, trembling as I wept.

She lowered her eyes and replied with a nasal tone: "The young master is in the hall"

The only thing I dislike is Deng Feng's infidelity; like most men of this era, he not only keeps beautiful wives and concubines at home but also maintains young male lovers and has a preference for male beauty

I do not want him to come, yet I fear that he might take it seriously and not come at all

Perhaps in the eyes of those ancient people, there was nothing inappropriate or strange about Deng Feng's behavior. The harmonious coexistence of his wives, concubines, and male lovers is evidence of this. In fact, the only person who truly finds this shocking and cannot come to terms with it is me alone. This is also the real reason why, despite the comforts of Deng Feng's household, I can never stay for long. To be honest, every time I see those wives and concubines chatting and laughing together with the male lovers, I cannot help but feel a wave of goosebumps rising on my skin.

"Not cleaned properly." In a blunt tone, filled with a sense of dissatisfaction, the cloth in my hand was suddenly snatched away. Just as I was momentarily taken aback, a long-fingered hand took the cloth and directly wiped the corner of my eye.

At that moment, I suddenly had an epiphany

Amber

Are you afraid that I will continue to evade and refuse to obediently return to Luoyang with Fu Jun, so you are preparing to play the family card and gather all my relatives to persuade me to change my mind?

Where do you come from

Amber hesitated to speak, ultimately leaving silently after attending to my washing up.

A tall figure slowly approached in the copper mirror, eventually stopping behind me. My nose suddenly felt a sharp pang, and tears uncontrollably fell, splashing onto the powdered hem of my skirt

I swallowed a mouthful of dry foam with difficulty, my sensitive nerves tensed, and I could almost guess what he was about to say

Can I go back with him

I covered my eyes with my hand, pressing my fingers firmly against my eyelids. However, even without opening my eyes, a sob unexpectedly escaped from deep within my throat. A wave of heaviness and soreness surged in my chest, as the emotions that had been suppressed for so long suddenly found a release, spilling out all at once.

Thus, having escaped back from Chang'an, unwilling to return to my old home in Xinye, I inevitably had to face the entire family of Deng Feng in Yuyang

The servant's heart was filled with joy... naturally, she was smiling. Yet, despite the laughter on her lips, tears continued to flow down her cheeks.

Biting my chapped lower lip, I stared blankly at myself in the mirror, contemplating whether to apply some lead powder to make my complexion appear somewhat presentable, so as not to look as frightening as I do now. However, this makeup known as lead powder is essentially lead, and excessive use is indeed harmful to the body. Women in this era love beauty and often use lead powder on their faces, but I am well aware of its toxicity and would rather go bare-faced than use it.

Well... how ruthless! There is not even a trace of compassion for the fairer sex. I stopped crying and instinctively bared my teeth at him

Regardless of whether I am Guan Lihua or Yin Lihua, they are all my relatives

No one knows how much suffering I have endured in Chang'an over the past year, the trials I have faced, and the immense pressure I have borne. With no one to confide in, I can only swallow all my grievances and silently endure them alone

A sudden feeling of contradictory unease filled my heart; although I felt somewhat like an ostrich, I still couldn't help but wonder if he would come after receiving the news

Crouching on the shoulder of the shadowy consciousness, I was crying uncontrollably when suddenly a hand extended a handkerchief in front of me. Without hesitation, I took the handkerchief and wiped my face.

This is no longer a personal issue of my evasion of emotions; as long as I am Yin Lihua, the wife of Liu Xiu, I cannot truly escape. I have family, and I am not genuinely alone. Whatever I do may implicate the honor and disgrace of the Yin clan.

These words can be regarded both as his encouragement and comfort to me, as well as a reminder and warning.

"Do not be afraid," he said, smiling gently at me with a tender, affectionate look, as he softly brushed aside the stray hair from my forehead. "Brother will be with you..."

As thoughts arise, they are suddenly dispelled. What does it matter if Liu Xiu comes in person? Given my current state of mind, I fear that upon hearing of his arrival, I would immediately pack my belongings and flee at the first sign of danger

I had only just settled in Yuyang for less than two days when I began to feel deep regret

At first, I did not pay much attention, but that person stopped behind me and said: "The servant is here to assist the lady with her grooming."

After the massacre of the Xin Mang regime, the majority of the surviving members of the Xin Ye Deng clan fled to Yu Yang, seeking refuge with Deng Feng, whom they revered as their ancestor and followed with great loyalty

No

Deng Feng is not at home; at this moment, he is following Liu Xiu in battles across the north and south. All the retainers and able-bodied men in the household have been taken away, leaving behind only those family members who are unable to adapt to the tumultuous life of the military

Analyzing the current situation, avoiding Yang Dengfeng is truly a poor move. The bustling commotion of the past few days has not only allowed Yin Shi, who is close in Xinye, to investigate my background thoroughly, but it is likely that even Liu Xiu, far away in Luoyang, will soon receive the news

Her crying unexpectedly stirred the sorrow deep within me, and with a pang in my nose, I almost wanted to pull her over and weep together. Just as this thought crossed my mind, I suddenly recalled something, and I couldn't help but freeze in place.

"We can understand your difficulties," he said with a knowing smile. "But I also believe that whatever you do, you will first consider it carefully and weigh the pros and cons. Now that you have arrived in Luoyang, feel free to boldly pursue what you wish to do; the rest can be left to your elder brother to handle. You need not hesitate; just remember that you are never alone. You have me, you have us, you have the Yin family behind you"

Yin Xing suddenly stopped, a faint blush appearing on his fair and handsome face. He stood up in frustration and said: "You haven't changed at all, still so heartless and foolish..."

With a sudden tremor of the hand holding the comb, I turned around and indeed saw Amber kneeling upright on the mat, gazing at me with tears in her eyes

"Xing'er... has grown up." I murmured with a choked voice

Compared to Yin Shi, Deng Feng does not present me with the authoritative face of a master, does not frequently lecture me with a plethora of grand principles, does not restrict my freedom of preference, and does not force me to learn the piano or practice calligraphy

She shivered slightly, her complexion gradually changing: "Your Majesty... although it has never been explicitly stated, this is the truth..."

"Do you know you did something wrong?" The voice of Yin Shi sounded very gentle, yet the subtle sense of oppression made me gasp for breath. As expected, he pushed me away, forcing me to look up and face him directly. Those enchanting eyes emitted a sharp light, "If you truly know you were wrong, then from now on, obediently listen to your brother's words"

The gaze wandered away, turning towards Yin Xing, only to find him standing behind Yin Shi with a cold expression, displaying a maturity that surpassed his age, unsmiling, serious, and indifferent, completely unlike a seventeen-year-old boy

Wiping the tears from the corners of my eyes, I cannot help but chuckle in silence. What am I feeling melancholic about? What am I anticipating? What kind of outcome is my heart truly waiting for and hoping to achieve?

If you see me looking so haggard and disheveled later, will the shadowy figure be even more enraged by my reckless behavior

"Princess Huayang..." I felt as if my head was swelling to twice its size, but in an instant, I completely understood what these two princesses were referring to. Not only that, but I also faintly sensed a hint of conspiracy in the air, and my tightly clenched palms suddenly became sticky and cold with sweat. "Which Lord Fu is it?"

"Let us go to Luoyang together," he said with a smile, his eyes narrowing slightly, a glint of sharpness flickering within them. This meaningful smile sent a shiver through my heart. From what I knew of him, it signified his unwavering determination and confidence in achieving his goal

The sobbing grew louder, tears streaming down my face, and the makeup on my hands, after being moistened by the tears, turned into a sticky mess clinging to my face

I spent the entire night dreaming, and the scenes in the dream were chaotic. I tried to grasp something within the dream to fill the void of my lost heart, yet dreams can only ever be dreams. When I awoke, as dawn broke the darkness of the night, I found myself still lying alone in bed, with traces of tears at the corners of my eyes.

After two years apart, Yin Shi's appearance has not changed much, but his temperament has become increasingly mature and composed. At this moment, his peach blossom eyes are slightly red, and there is a hint of tears glimmering in his gaze.

Seeing that the lady is well, the servant is very delighted... Amber said while bowing to me, and in her excitement, she even shed tears

When Deng Chen followed the Liu Yan brothers in rebellion, the Deng clan of Xinye was implicated, with even the ancestral graves being excavated and thoroughly disturbed, not to mention the ancestral halls and temples. As a result, Deng Chen was scorned by his relatives, who claimed that the Deng family was originally prosperous, and that he was bewitched by his wife, following a few of his brothers-in-law into madness, thereby implicating the entire clan

Guo ... ... Madam Guo she ... ...

I smiled faintly: "Is this Your Majesty's intention?"

Upon arriving in Yuyang, I learned that Liu Xiu, in response to the command of the "Red Talisman," whimsically altered the phrase "At the juncture of four and seven, fire is the principal element," changing Luoyang to Luoyang. The intention was to signify that the newly established Han dynasty belonged to the element of fire. Since fire encountering water is inauspicious, the three dots of water in the character "洛" were removed, and the character "佳" was added, thus transforming it into "雒"阳.

I shook my head to interrupt her, saying: "Don't say anything more. In a moment, you quietly go and bring the eldest son in, without alarming Fu Jun and the others."

You ... ... how ... ... '' My gaze unconsciously drifted towards the door, and my heart raced, `` Brother, he ... ... ''

Although I act with utmost discretion, I wish I could hide in my room for twelve hours and never come out. Unfortunately, my current status does not allow me the luxury of such thoughts. Times have changed; who am I? I am Yin Lihua, the wife of Emperor Liu Xiu of the Han Dynasty! Perhaps I am destined to become a queen, revered by all under heaven.

Bisexuality was already prevalent during the Han Dynasty. Not to mention the common people, even among the upper class, the practice of keeping young male companions was quite widespread. In this era, the appeal of male beauty was sometimes not inferior to that of female beauty

I cried so hard that I could hardly catch my breath, stifling my sobs in my chest, with tears blurring my vision as I turned my head in a somewhat awkward manner

Yin Xing! Yin Shi unreservedly reprimanded his younger brother by name.

This is the power of the clan, where prosperity is shared and misfortune is shared.

To this day, I must bear the future of my entire family for the decision I made years ago

I chuckled softly, and Yin Xing shot me a glare, mockingly saying, "Aren't you supposed to be good at crying? Why have you stopped?"

I squint my eyes and can fully imagine the lively scene outside the door at this moment. Well, not only have I attracted Yin Shi, but I have also drawn in the two sisters, Liu Huang and Liu Boji.

With my fingers intertwined, I bit my lip, and the pain brought a slight clarity to my muddled mind: "Yes, elder brother, I understand... but please, do not have too many expectations of me." I sorrowfully lifted my head, gazing at him with a heart-wrenching look, "I fear I may lose control, I cannot face this calmly... I am afraid that when we reach Luoyang... I will ultimately disappoint you all..."

Liu Xiu, what is this...? Are you really forcing me into a situation with no way out at all?

Madam!" she exclaimed, "How can a lady not care? One must know...

In my childhood, I often went to Yuyang, spending my days idling at the home of Deng Feng. His family had a large place and many people. Although having a vast area and numerous servants was not a rare occurrence in the Yin family, Deng Feng was different from Yin Shi. Perhaps it was because he saw that I was younger than him, or perhaps because he recognized my higher status; Deng Feng often displayed a tone of indulgence and flattery when facing me, allowing me to act recklessly in his home as if there were no rules.

Although Yin Shi does not force me to do things I dislike, it was I who chose to marry Liu Xiu. At that time, he offered me a choice, but I stubbornly chose this thorny path. Now, this choice has also determined the fate of the Yin clan.

I am filled with emotion; if there is anyone in this world whose care for me is sincere and beyond doubt, it must be the three brothers of the Yin family. Not only these three brothers, but the entire Yin family are my relatives, who genuinely care for me, love me, and are concerned for my well-being.

While I am not particularly opposed to same-sex relationships between men, I still find it difficult to fully accept and agree with bisexual individuals who are attracted to both men and women. In fact, in a certain sense, my modern views on sexual orientation may be less open than those of people from the Han Dynasty two thousand years ago

Now that this has happened, I fear that we truly must proceed with utmost caution at every step

He was focused on wiping, and I stared at him in a daze. In an instant, my expression became somewhat absent-minded. The young man before me gave a sense of familiarity and warmth, yet mingled with a hint of strangeness. After two years apart, the childish softness had faded from his face, replaced by a calm and reserved demeanor reminiscent of maturity, making him appear even more handsome. However, compared to his maturity, his brows and eyes lacked a certain charm and softness, instead possessing a sharp and cold intensity.

Elder brother

Closing my eyes, my mind is in a state of chaos, as if it is filled with a tangled mess that cannot be unraveled. Frustrated, I get dressed and get out of bed, just as I intend to find a comb to tidy my hair, a series of soft, stealthy footsteps sound behind me.

A buzzing sound echoed in my head, and before my eyes, it seemed as if a horrific illusion of the devastation left by a typhoon and tsunami flashed by, causing me to shudder involuntarily

I wearily closed my eyes and nodded heavily

Yin Xing half-squatted and half-knelt behind Yin Shi, completely ignoring my warnings to him, indifferently and stubbornly wiping my tear-streaked face thoroughly.

"Hey, are you crying or laughing?" I hurriedly pulled her up from her seat and casually tugged at her sleeve to wipe her tears.

I suddenly stiffened while kneeling on the mat, my back straightened, the powder box slipped from my hand, and the white powder dusted the deep purple hem of my skirt, making it particularly eye-catching

Just as he was hesitating, a soft sound suddenly came from the door, and it opened

He pressed his lips together and gently patted my cheek, saying, "It's good that you are back." The four words, spoken calmly, carried a sense of suppressed hoarseness.

The words of Yin Shi are double-edged; they seem to touch upon the surface yet every word and phrase strikes at the heart of the matter

In the past two years, I have remained in Luoyang and have not served in front of you, my lady. I miss you dearly and often wash my face with tears. Lord Fu, the Minister of Attendant, has shown compassion for my loyal heart, which is why he brought me along to Nanyang County to welcome you back to the capital. However, His Majesty has issued an order for Lord Fu to first go to Caiyang to receive Princess Huyang, and then to take a detour to pick up Princess Ningping, which has delayed our meeting with you for some time

Taking a deep breath, my ten fingers involuntarily trembled slightly. I interlaced my hands and pressed down on my fingers with all my strength, forcing myself to remain calm

Elder brother... a thousand words and ten thousand words are condensed at the edge of my lips

A long sigh echoed from behind, and Yin Shi wrapped his arms around me from behind, embracing me as one would a child, his arms tightening as if he wanted to press me into his chest

I pouted and remained silent, while the shadowy figure embraced me. My peach blossom eyes shot a glance at Yin Xing like a spark, and though my voice was not loud, it was quite suppressive: "Is this ever going to end? So long-winded. Why is it that when I let the child come along, you insist on saying that it must be you who follows?"

I detected the tremor in her voice and could no longer bear to make things difficult for her. I gently patted her shoulder and said with a smile, "It's alright. I have never cared about these empty titles."

Although Deng Feng soon raised an army to follow Liu Xiu, the Deng clan of Nanyang Commandery did not change as a result and continued to regard Deng Feng as their leader

Brother

Deng Feng is the son of Deng Chen's paternal cousin, which makes him a distant nephew within the clan. According to the generational hierarchy from my "mother" of the Deng family, he can also be considered my nephew, even though he is merely of a similar age to Yin Shi.

Amber is indeed the handmaiden taught by Yin Shi. Before I could even begin to speak, she readily replied: "Madam, please do not worry. Even if Madam Guo has a child, she is still a concubine. You are the legitimate wife of His Majesty, and the position of Empress belongs solely to you."

I am sorry... With my head bowed and my heart heavy, I feel like a child who has done something wrong, filled with guilt. My stubbornness and willfulness have caused them to worry and be concerned for my safety all along. I truly do not deserve to be their family, nor do I deserve the kindness they have shown me.

I ... ... '' Yin Xingjun's face turned red, and it was clear that Yin Shi was deliberately trying to undermine him, causing him to be embarrassed.

As soon as Deng Feng's family heard that I had arrived, they were like bees drawn to nectar, each one eager to curry favor with me, leaving me no opportunity to catch my breath or have even a moment of personal space

The face in the bronze mirror, though its features are not distinctly defined, has exceptionally clear contours. Having endured the exhausting and precarious calamity in Chang'an, I have noticeably lost much weight; my eye sockets are hollowed, and my chin is sharp. As I touch my slightly rough skin, I cannot help but feel a sense of tension

Amber is my maid of honor, and logically, she should not appear here together with Yin Shi. As a maid of honor, from the day she accompanied me in marriage, she is no longer a servant of the Yin family. Her master, apart from me, is no longer Yin Shi.

Lihua, you are an understanding person. Yin Shi smiled

He has long seen through me completely, even more clearly than I see myself

With a faint sigh, I find it impossible to convey this convoluted sentiment to the little girl before me. I gaze at her weak smile, yet my heart is filled with an indescribable sense of uncertainty and bitterness