Chapter 1
Aunt chuckled softly and said: You are now at a stage where you have to raise children by yourself, and the situation at home is just so-so. Approaching thirty, you should stop being so picky. When looking for a man, you need to find someone who can provide for a life together. You have been married before, so surely you understand this principle. Nowadays, even men in their seventies or eighties, as long as they can still move, want to find a young girl in her twenties.
She had long since distanced herself from the budding feelings of love. Ever since she became involved with Tong Ruian, she had resolutely blocked any fantasies from the opposite sex for many years, like a joyful ascetic. But now, she is free, at least able to freely savor the memories in her dreams.
Su Mo's new life was forced to begin, and it was then that she realized her predicament. With elderly parents above and young children below, her monthly salary of just over 1,000 could hardly make ends meet
The person had no choice but to raise their voice and say: "Elder sister." Locals refer to women of different ages in this way; those who are middle-aged to elderly, around fifty to eighty years old, are called "Elder sister," while the younger and more youthful ones are referred to as "Little sister" or "Sister."
In earlier years, a distant relative in the clan suddenly had an epiphany one day upon seeing a cockroach fall into a pot of oil. He abandoned his wife and children and went to a local ancient temple to shave his head and become a monk. Unexpectedly, his path to Buddhism was quite smooth, and he became the abbot of the temple. Furthermore, due to his expertise in fortune-telling, he gained considerable fame. It is said that in this province, from high-ranking government officials to top leaders in the business community, many sought his counsel, while ordinary people rarely had the opportunity to step over the threshold of his inner sanctum.
In the third year of marriage, Tong Ruian also grew weary and resolutely severed the unfulfilling marriage, beginning to embrace a new life
Su Mo felt dizzy from the glaring sun, but she couldn't care less. She picked up a step nearby and sat down, tentatively saying: "Mom, how about I send some money back at the end of the month"
Therefore, when someone calls her from behind, she remains completely unaware
She is the only daughter in her family, born into a humble background, yet she was raised by her parents with great care. Her path has been smooth until marriage, having never touched the hardships of life, never stumbling or suffering. She enjoys good health and academic success, and in her youth, she remains unaware of the taste of sorrow
Upon hearing this, Mother Su paused: "We still have some money, your father and I, but... I heard someone say that that man with the surname Tong got married yesterday... After you two separated, he hasn't come to see the child again," she sighed, "Su Mo, you must stand your ground this time. If he doesn't take you and your child seriously, then you must live your life with dignity..."
The old monk observed that the family of three was all clean and kind-hearted, which pleased him. He immediately took out several rolls of ancient books with tattered edges and asked the little girl for her birth date and time, carefully flipping through the pages. The pages were filled with archaic texts written from right to left, and the old monk only picked out auspicious phrases to read aloud, omitting the rest for propriety. Su Mo still remembered two phrases— "the spirit of a manly husband" and "the harmony of three brings prosperity, the favored consort is lustful"
The piled-up clothes were covered in choking dust. Su Mo wrapped a scarf around her head and wore a mask, donning a loose old long-sleeve shirt. The cat rummaged through a pile of plastic bags while she asked about Qingquan's recent situation, holding the phone between her shoulder and neck.
Passionate love, mutual commitment, marriage, giving birth to a daughter, and everything falling into place naturally
Su's mother could not help but choke with emotion: "She is a mother... It does not matter how we old folks live, but Qingquan has already lost her father, and we cannot continue to impose such suffering on this little one. She still has a long road ahead of her..."
The young man who was speaking to her glanced at her again and said: "No need, we are familiar with Boss Zhong, we have been here a few times, so we know the way. You carry on with your work."
Six months after the divorce, as she was exhausted from the struggles of life, news arrived from afar that Tong Ruian had remarried
Su Mo pressed her lips together and remained silent, holding back her tears for a long while. After softly comforting a few words, she could not wait any longer and hung up the phone. After a moment of daze, she began to calculate her expenses for early next month. In recent days, she had received sporadic responses to the job applications she sent out, and she had attended several interviews one after another. Either the requirements for professional skills and years of experience were exceedingly high, or after deducting rent, utilities, and living expenses, there was hardly any income left each month, leaving no spare money to send back home.
On the way back, her aunt asked Su Mo about her meaning. She hurriedly evaded the question by citing work as an excuse, and when further pressed, she remained tight-lipped. Su Mo, who used to be straightforward and candid, had learned to be more cautious in recent years due to various experiences: silence is golden, and saying too much is of no benefit. She was not good with words, had a long reflex arc, and could not accurately gauge the other person's intentions, so she could only try to speak as little as possible to avoid exposing her shortcomings. This way, at least she could keep the other person at ease.
Su Mo nodded slightly, knowing they had come to look for her uncle. She raised her eyes and happened to see her cousin Zhong Ming peeking out from the second-floor window with half of her face visible. Su Mo estimated that these two individuals seemed to have some background, so she waved her hand upwards, signaling Zhong Ming to bring them up. However, as soon as the girl met her gaze, she turned her face away, and after a few seconds, she lowered half of the blinds.
The young man hastily kicked aside the plastic packaging bag on the ground and tiptoed inside, only to be met with a cloud of dust, prompting him to instinctively cover his nose with his hand. The person following him remained silent, appearing more composed and not engaging in such trivial gestures. At the moment of entering, he slowed his pace, slightly turned his face, and cast a glance at her, devoid of disdain or curiosity; that glance was quite indifferent, lacking in meaning. The person following him remained silent, appearing more composed and not engaging in such trivial gestures. At the moment of entering, he slowed his pace, slightly turned his face, and cast a glance at her, devoid of disdain or curiosity; that glance was quite indifferent, lacking in meaning.
Su's mother sighed after saying only a few words, lamenting the recent string of misfortunes: the so-called wild and pollution-free yellow croaker in the supermarket has increased in price significantly, just one dose of the imported vaccine costs several hundred, at the beginning of the month, the child's bronchitis required a few days of hospitalization costing one to two thousand, while other people's children are already attending such prestigious kindergartens, and the extracurricular classes are too far away, with transportation provided for pick-up and drop-off
Su Mo has believed in fate since childhood, influenced by the psychological suggestions in her parents' words
After finishing work in the evening, as usual, I went to buy groceries and cook dinner. After the family had finished eating, my uncle and aunt went out for a walk. I shared a hot pot with Zhong Ming, and only then did Su Mo return to her room. She turned on the desk lamp and stared at the rapidly changing professional knowledge in the book for a few pages. Her eyes were focused on the data codes, but her mind was thinking about going to the city over the weekend to see if she could find one or two part-time jobs.
She lowered her head to glance at her dusty clothes, bent down again to tidy up the inventory. Last month, the garment factory at her uncle's place dismissed two helpers, and now, with the increased workload, she had even less time to spare.
Tong Ruian should not have been so wrong, yet at least there was something good; he made Su Mo willingly submit, submitting in love and continuing to submit in marriage. They once possessed each other's most youthful and brilliant years and bodies, and in this regard, neither of them owed anything to the other. She had once been willing to spend a lifetime slowly accepting his gradually aging scent, and she would have relished it, but unfortunately, this willingness was cut short too soon
The midday heat was even more intense, and Su Mo felt quite stifled, momentarily at a loss for words. Through the telephone line, she heard her father softly say, "You should say less; she has remarried, what can she do?"
She vaguely remembered that the person's eyes were deep black, possessing a quality akin to the hidden rocks at the bottom of a river.
In just a moment, the heavy burden of life was placed upon her shoulders. Feeling at a loss and terrified, Su Mo increasingly believed in fate, yet grew more skeptical of human predictions. Fate is a vast river, with no one coming from behind, no shallows visible ahead. Close by, there are layers of hidden reefs, while in the distance, turbulent waves are faintly discernible. People are like grains of sand trapped within it, unable to exert control. The only thing she can do is to struggle desperately, trying to avoid being overturned by a sudden wave while drifting downstream, or to protect her bare feet from being cut by the rocky bottom of the murky river, resulting in a profusion of blood. Fate is a vast river, with no one coming from behind, no shallows visible ahead. Close by, there are layers of hidden reefs, while in the distance, turbulent waves are faintly discernible. People are like grains of sand trapped within it, unable to exert control. The only thing she can do is to struggle desperately, trying to avoid being overturned by a sudden wave while drifting downstream, or to protect her bare feet from being cut by the rocky bottom of the murky river, resulting in a profusion of blood.
Last night, my aunt took Su Mo to a blind date
Su Mo, female, aged twenty-eight, approaching thirty, divorced, with one daughter
Aunt is warm-hearted and straightforward. The man she introduced has some wealth; while he may not be extremely rich, he can at least attract envy when he returns to his hometown. He does not mind that Su Mo has a daughter, as he is a widower with a son who is taking the college entrance examination this year. Indeed, he is a bit older, having had a child at nearly forty, and is now in his fifties.
Only when he moved a little closer did Su Mo catch a whiff of a nearly decayed odor emanating from the oily, contaminated roots of his hair, lingering in his breath, in his every gesture, and among the books.
She felt anxious and fatigued, gradually unable to keep her eyes open. After pushing aside a pile of dust-covered clothes, the cries and laughter of children, and the chaotic numbers on her bankbook, the image of that young man's glance suddenly surfaced in her mind. Rather than thinking of the man himself, it was more about his gesture, and she would recall such a gesture on any man of a similar age who appeared pleasing to her.
Hearing this too often makes it truly commonplace
Su Mo let out a silent sigh, maintaining a calm exterior while feeling a tumult of despair within. She could not express it directly—she could not stand the scent of older men. Just sharing a meal with him left her feeling resentful. If they were to truly be together and fulfill the duties of a married couple, how could she possibly endure that?
Love at first sight, infatuation upon the second meeting, and by the third encounter, the world is thrown into chaos and darkness.
Su Mo observed his expression, which suggested that he disliked the dust on his clothes and was unwilling to get too close. Therefore, he stepped aside to allow the two individuals to pass.
the implication
Of course, she had no way of knowing that the old monk had a phrase he pondered over but did not speak that day: "A first marriage lasts no more than three autumns"
On the day Su Mo turned ten, her parents took her to pay respects in order to seek good fortune
Su Mo had no choice but to give up and turned to the newcomer, saying: "Yes, I will take you to the office upstairs"
Between men and women, body scent is an external manifestation of hormones. The more essential and pure it is, the more one tends to align with animalistic behavior. When I was with Tong Ruian, it was the scent in his breath that captivated Su Mo to the point of distraction. It was like this during kisses, and even more so during passionate encounters—young, vigorous, ambiguous, and exhilarating in every way.
He is truly a handsome man
Su Mo used to be quite stubborn, wholeheartedly devoted to men without reservation. The not-so-long years of marriage etched this stubbornness into her bones. Now that she is without a man, she dedicates herself entirely to her work, and even if the tasks at hand are rough and tedious, she is not accustomed to being distracted by wandering thoughts.
In the second year of their marriage, Tong Ruian had an affair, finding a mistress who was younger than Su Mo and came from a better family background. This marked the beginning of emotional abuse within the marriage. Su Mo exhausted various methods, from crying and throwing tantrums to even contemplating suicide, discarding the pride and restraint she had cultivated over more than ten years of education, and created a tremendous uproar with him. Unfortunately, what was done could not be undone
Su Mo straightened up, her back aching. She couldn't help but press her hand against it and turned to look. Two men, appearing to be under thirty, looked like locals with slightly dark skin and tall, slender builds. The one who had just spoken seemed younger; he stared at her for a moment before asking, "Is your boss Zhong at home?"
Su Mo squatted down to continue sorting through the piles of clothes, the smell of formaldehyde was quite strong in the air. The man appeared to be a decent man, well-dressed, and his car parked by the roadside was worth over a million. This area is coastal, with many wealthy individuals, so driving such a car in and out is quite common, yet it does not belong to a woman like her, not even in her wildest dreams. A divorced woman approaching thirty, with a child, and no background from her family, if she were to consider a second marriage and a second man, her attitude should be humble, cautious, and even somewhat flattered. If she were to impose the arrogance and harshness of a young girl upon herself, it would indeed be a gross misunderstanding. A divorced woman approaching thirty, with a child, and no background from her family, if she were to consider a second marriage and a second man, her attitude should be humble, cautious, and even somewhat flattered. If she were to impose the arrogance and harshness of a young girl upon herself, it would indeed be a gross misunderstanding.
The child is obedient and well-behaved, making it easier to raise them. Thus, Su's parents often say: "Our Su Mo is truly fortunate, living a life free from worries about food and drink, without any storms or troubles; peace is a blessing"
She understood the previous sentence, but the latter part puzzled her. Was "lecherous" suggesting that she looked good, or that she liked good-looking people? It was not until eight years later, when she saw Tong Ruian, that she realized in an instant:
When the phone rang at home, the sunlight was just right. Su Mo was busy moving the stock outside to the platform, either to air it out and remove the mold or to sort it out for refurbishment. For the first twenty years, she had never done such work, nor had she dared to think about it, but now, in less than two months, she had become quite familiar and casual with it.
Su's mother was teaching her granddaughter to recite "Sympathy for Farmers" over the phone. After finishing, she asked her daughter why she was still busy at lunchtime. Su Mo quickly replied that business had been good recently. Hearing this, Su's mother was pleased and reminded her not to just stay in the office, advising that one should be more observant and diligent when under the same roof.