Chapter 9, The True Face of Procrastination
Ye Zilu demonstrated to Yan Ke through her actions what it means: plans cannot keep up with changes
Procrastination is the act of avoiding certain tasks, an inability to begin working... In a video lasting over four minutes, Ye Zilu saw the coffin in the short film close with a "bang," as if a lifetime from birth to death had passed in a haze, leaving nothing behind; she observed the little figure in the video continuously making lists, constantly editing them, and then making lists again, endlessly repeating the cycle without starting any task... Ye Zilu saw the coffin in the short film close with a "bang," as if a lifetime from birth to death had passed in a haze, leaving nothing behind; she observed the little figure in the video continuously making lists, constantly editing them, and then making lists again, endlessly repeating the cycle without starting any task... Her tears fell down with a "pitter-patter" sound.
Yan Ke finally realized that something seemed to have gone wrong
Ye Zilu's originally playful expression suddenly seemed to be covered with a layer of dust, as if the softest part of her heart had been pinched by someone's fingernail, causing a dull, aching pain
Ye Zilu can imagine how others might discuss her behind her back
He believes that if a person truly wants to accomplish something, even when faced with tremendous difficulties, they will exhaust their minds and employ every possible means to find a solution. ... He cannot see at all the conviction that Ye Zilu wishes to correct ... . ... In fact, he sees no trace of such a thing as "conviction" in her at all.
However, these seem to be merely a form of habitual complaint. Although the speaker is unlikely to take pride in it, there is certainly a somewhat nonchalant attitude involved, which allows for such easy self-deprecation
Yan Ke was practicing how to control this soft, fabric-like body. Hearing this, Wen Yan glanced at Ye Zilu with a blank expression and said, "You didn't give me a microphone, how can I wake anyone up?"
I see you should stop reviewing. Yan Ke snorted coldly, lowered his head, and continued his training, straining to twist his short neck, which was hardly noticeable. He found that his synchronization with this cloth bear's body was increasing, to the point where these movements seemed much easier than before. Although he found it difficult to determine whether this change was good or bad, he continued to train in order to gain a bit more autonomy.
Note: Students interested in this video, please search using the keyword "procrastination video". You can find it on Tudou, and the title of the short film is "procrastination (拖延症)"
Ye Zilu spent her first day of unemployment in this manner: utterly unproductive and filled with regret
What happened? Yan Ke asked
"You only mentioned yesterday that there wasn't enough time," Yan Ke pointed out incisively, "and today you are conveniently claiming that there is no pressure. From you, I have finally sensed a rare feminine trait: women are all changeable."
Ye Zilu was about to refute, when at that moment, the message notification from her phone, which had been set aside, rang out. She picked it up to see that it was a notification of a change in her bank account—someone had deposited 8,000 yuan into her account
Yan Ke was at a loss whether to laugh or cry: "How do you know you can finish in two hours? What if you fall asleep again? Moreover, even if you could, why not finish it first and then take a break?"
Yan Ke believes that someone like Ye Zilu is simply asking for it, so she decides to abandon this person who constantly claims to want to turn over a new leaf but shows no sign of sincerity whatsoever
However, it was not until this moment that she realized she was unwell
She found that this feeling could not be expressed to anyone
When she woke up from the table, she realized that the planned time for doing the exam papers had long passed. Ye Zilu looked at the suspicious liquid on the past exam paper collection, and her first reaction was to angrily question Yan Ke: "Why didn't you wake me up?"
She is unable to describe them, nor can she gain the trust of others
In the end, Mentor Yan, who was in a state of hemiplegia, felt powerless and was unable to restrain Ye Zilu. He could only watch as she spent half an hour idly browsing the web. The result of her web browsing was that she found a video that piqued her interest. She glanced at the duration and discovered that the video was only half an hour long. Without a second thought, she pulled out her schedule and postponed all her plans by half an hour, sitting there contentedly to watch the video.
In this complex emotional state, Ye Zilu began to do one thing—revise her plans
This time she was almost in tears, yet Yan Ke did not comfort her, and it seemed that the little sympathy he once had had already been worn away.
However, she considers herself not to be the kind of person with a parasitic personality; she does not identify with that lifestyle, yet she possesses a very fragile sense of self-esteem. This internal conflict causes her immense suffering
"So you are attending a special education center for children?" Yan Ke scoffed coldly.
Her feelings at this moment are very complex. On one hand, both Yan Ke's sarcastic remarks and the situation itself make her feel very sad. She has already graduated from university for a year and a half, and by now, she should have achieved financial independence, yet she is still relying on her parents for support, which is truly a source of embarrassment for her
Ye Zilu fell silent
My parents have sent me my living expenses, " Ye Zilu said gloomily
Losers, NEETs, those without prospects, those without a way out... Even if she happens to marry a wealthy man by sheer luck, there will still be people calculating when she will be abandoned.
The "friend" who had always been by her side, occasionally mischievous yet harmless, has finally transformed into a monstrous figure with a fearsome visage, revealing its sharp fangs to her...
I ... ...
Yan Ke: "Why are you online again? Aren't you supposed to be working on the real exam questions?"
Ye Zilu sat on the bed like a little ghost, her eyes wide open, devoid of any spirit, silently crying for an unknown duration.
Sadly, if it were not for her unexpected unemployment, Ye Zilu would not have realized it
Just yesterday, she called to complain about being unemployed, and today her living expenses have been credited. Ye Zilu thought that her mother must have taken a day off this morning to transfer money to her at the bank, as if she would start starving if it were delayed by even a day
It is only because the exam is not approaching yet that I do not feel the pressure, which results in a lack of motivation. Every time the pressure of the exam arrives, my potential bursts forth all at once!
Up to this point, Yan Ke no longer spoke—because she felt that she was beyond saving
It is easy to imagine that the fate of the second plan will be the same as that of its predecessor—being rolled up and thrown into the trash bin
Yan Ke was practicing the coordination of his limbs, attempting to "pick up" something. Unfortunately, his "hands" were too soft, and he kept dropping it. He tried many times but could not find the trick, feeling somewhat frustrated. However, he remained undeterred. When he finally felt tired and planned to take a break and continue tomorrow, he realized it was already 1:00 AM.
Remove those trivial matters from the schedule, and reduce some of the day's arrangements, allowing a bit more time for each task. Once again, I presented it to Teacher Yan, and this time I received his approval. He said, "It's about right."
It was as if someone were choking her by the neck, blocking her chest, and constricting her trachea. It felt as though her entire being was submerged in mud, the viscous liquid rendering her unable to breathe or escape; the more she struggled, the deeper she sank.
Yan Ke probably felt that Ye Zilu was indeed unreliable, so he prepared to leave himself a way out. If it really came to that, he could still take matters into his own hands to secure his livelihood and find a way to "get to" the hospital
Of course, Yan Ke did not forget to take a moment out of her busy schedule to mock Ye Zilu: "You might as well stop reading; if someone like you can get accepted, even a sow could climb a tree."
On the other hand, she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her heart—she had money again and could live carefree for a while, as if the pressures of unemployment and the impending exams were not so overwhelming anymore. She felt like an overage child, sensing that she had support once more
Ye Zilu feels somewhat guilty
Unfortunately, the phrase "almost" is based on the judgment standards of a normal person. In a certain sense, Ye Zilu cannot be considered very normal— for instance, she is a very severe procrastinator
Ye Zilu exclaimed: "I was always the top student in my class during high school, okay? I have a high IQ!"
Yan Ke scornfully remarked, "I have never seen someone as useless as you. When I was in university, I earned my own tuition and living expenses."
Ye Zilu: "I allocated three hours for the actual exam questions, I can complete them in two hours, and the remaining half hour is sufficient for corrections. I still have half an hour left, so I can take some time to relax."
Ye Zilu inadvertently searched for the term "procrastination" online, and a video about procrastination immediately appeared.
Whether to rest first or tackle the questions is likely the main divergence between individuals with procrastination tendencies and those without such tendencies
What kind of outrageous thing have you done?" Ye Zilu asked casually, feeling down, "Did your parents cut off your financial support?"
Long ago, Ye Zilu was already aware of the term "procrastination." Many of her online friends seem to have this issue, as every day there are people on Weibo lamenting their lack of motivation, procrastination, and the tasks they have yet to complete.
No one would believe it—such as Yan Ke. Ye Zilu could tell that Yan Ke no longer wanted to pay her any attention. Perhaps in his heart, in their hearts, she had already become a lazy and aimless person.
Yan Ke discovered that having ample time did not lead her to diligently and methodically complete her plans, but rather prompted her to open her computer and browse her "four small items"
Yan Ke maneuvered the heavy body of the little cloth bear—after a whole day of exercise, he was already able to control its limbs to perform some simple movements, able to walk a short distance—such as around Ye Zilu's bedside table. Although it was tiring, the results seemed quite satisfactory.
Her regret is genuine regret, and her anxiety is true anxiety; however, this anxiety and regret only erupted close to midnight—when Ye Zilu realized that another page of the calendar had turned, and that this day had passed away forever.
Ye Zilu is unsure whether others are like her. She can casually tell others that she has procrastination issues, recounting how she once procrastinated until the last minute and then miraculously managed to pull through in a superhuman manner—almost as if she is recounting a remarkable adventure.
Following the text message from Mother Ye, she first inquired whether the money had been received, and then offered her some comfort, stating that she could take her time finding a job, that this amount of money could be used for now, and that she could always ask her mother for more if it was insufficient
"Your parents are the ones who cut off your financial support. I have saved all the money my parents gave me, and after graduating from university, it is just enough for me to start my own business." After Yan Ke finished speaking, she looked at Ye Zilu and sighed, "I originally thought that there are always people better than oneself, and that I am nothing special. However, compared to you, it seems that I still contribute to the country and society in some way."
The completion status of the second plan is as follows