Chapter 9
Ren Jingru, as if struck by lightning, could no longer maintain the smile on her face. With great difficulty, she asked dryly, "Why?"
Tong Yehui walked out of the office building after dark and then drove to "Jinmi". He was now somewhat afraid to return to that empty home. During these days, whenever he had nowhere to go at night, he mostly went to "Jinmi" where at least there were voices, drinks to be had, and if he got drunk, Gu Bei would carry him home, sparing him the humiliation of getting completely drunk alone at home, appearing despondent and lacking dignity. During these days, whenever he had nowhere to go at night, he mostly went to "Jinmi" where at least there were voices, drinks to be had, and if he got drunk, Gu Bei would carry him home, sparing him the humiliation of getting completely drunk alone at home, appearing despondent and lacking dignity
The so-called grave is merely a square hole dug in front of the tombstone, surrounded by cement, intended for placing an urn. Regrettably, Sheng did not have any ashes; an old monk slowly poured a bottle of seawater into the open hole.
What are you thinking about?" Ren Jing asked with a beaming smile
Ren Jing took a step back, showing signs of wanting to leave. Her expression was chaotic, as if she did not know how to handle the situation before her. Tong Yehui spoke up: "Actually, Ren Jing, I am not a good person. I am selfish and possessive, treating marriage merely as a stepping stone for myself. If you marry me, you will only gain a cold husband. I do not hold you in my heart, let alone have any love for you. I will not genuinely care for you, nor will I sincerely feel pain for you. When you realize all this and feel unwilling to accept it, your life will become a disaster. So take this time to think carefully. I can provide you with luxury cars, real estate, and money; I will compensate you for anything you ask for."
Ren Jing took two big steps back, unable to comprehend how a situation that had been progressing smoothly suddenly transformed into this predicament. She found herself somewhat at a loss, stumbling as she walked out, saying: "I think you should also reflect on this; it is very unfair of you to treat me this way"
The old monk's voice, both desolate and profound, resonated through this small space, as a handful of joss paper was thrown into the air, scattering and falling apart. Beneath the scorching sunlight, there lay a desolate emptiness.
Tong Yehui actually has little tolerance for alcohol, and he does not like the burning sensation that strong liquor brings. From a personal preference standpoint, he does not enjoy drinking, yet he obsessively gets himself drunk almost every day due to an unarticulated thought. He wants to see Han Sheng. He believes that if there is such a thing as a soul, he might be able to see Han Sheng when he is inebriated and out of his mind. Han Sheng has been dead for quite some time, yet she has never appeared in his dreams. He thinks that Han Sheng hates him and will not come to say goodbye. However, he is also aware that Han Sheng cannot let go of him. He always harbors a glimmer of hope, believing that Han Sheng has always been by his side; it is just that he cannot see her.
In Chinese customs, there cannot be a corpse, nor can there be an empty grave; it is essential to place some clothing that the deceased wore during their lifetime inside the grave, creating a burial site with garments. Han Sheng regrettably had no decent clothing in life. Tong Yehui managed to find a school uniform that Han Sheng had worn just two days prior in that old house, a garment that had yellow stains from ten years ago. Han Sheng's circumstances, both in life and in death, are so pitiable. Throughout her life, she experienced beautiful moments, splendid scenery, blooming flowers, and full moons, yet she never attained any of these: familial love, romantic love, or friendship. Her life was filled with regrets, and ironically, her name was Han Sheng, which means 'regretful life.'
At last, the tomb was sealed. With a heavy thud, the granite lid was placed tightly over the dark opening. Two tall men stood side by side, silent from beginning to end. As the coffin was closed, they owed a word to the soul trapped inside, yet none of them could utter it. Thus, a person's death came to a cold and desolate end
Du Cheng invited a high monk to perform a ritual on the sea where the accident occurred, bringing back a bottle of seawater, which can be considered as bringing back the soul of the regretful deceased
Ren Jing strolled around Tong Yehui's office, casually flipping through the documents on his desk, which was also one of her privileges: "Come to my house for dinner the night after tomorrow. My parents want to meet you; I've already told them about it." She stood in front of him with her hands behind her back, speaking in a casual yet endearing manner.
The only attendees at the funeral were Du Cheng and Tong Yehui. Huan Sheng lived for 27 years in this world, without family or friends. She was not good at socializing during her lifetime, and among classmates and colleagues, there were no deep friendships. Even those who had some impression of her had completely forgotten her after five years of imprisonment. She lived in the prime of her life, and from a very early time, it had always been just Tong Yehui. In her entire spiritual world, the only person she was infatuated with and clung to was him. Tong Yehui may have understood this before, but he did not care. Now, standing before her grave, a thought suddenly arose in his heart: it turned out that in this world, there was someone who loved him so deeply, yet she was no longer here, nowhere to be found.
Han Sheng has never been this clever; she never considers the occasion when she wants to find Tong Yehui. Back then, she could even shout across the entire company to ask him what he wanted for dinner, which was so embarrassing for him. Even now, thinking back, it is not a pleasant memory. However, if he had been a bit more open-minded at that time, just responding to her casually instead of turning away, Han Sheng would not have been isolated by the employees in the company like that.
At first, Tong Yehui could hardly understand why the sudden death of Han Sheng made him feel so devoid of interest in life. The pain came abruptly and intensely, and he experienced a period of emotional numbness, only vaguely aware that he had been sad for several days. Later, he made a concerted effort to recall every detail of Han Sheng's life that he could remember. He then realized that in his memories of Han Sheng, every scene included himself. It dawned on him that Han Sheng had always been solely his, and his life was filled with the shadow of Han Sheng. He could be hypocritical with everyone, but only with Han Sheng did he deceive, exploit, and betray her using all the most despicable means. He treated Han Sheng poorly, yet in her presence, he was also the most genuine. Whether good or bad, he only allowed her to see that side of him. How could there not be some form of obsessive emotion hidden within this? If Han Sheng were alive, regardless of whether she was doing well or not, he would imagine her living happily. And he, Tong Yehui, would methodically complete his own life, only to feel a twinge of melancholy when reminiscing about her in his later years. But that was just how it was. However, Han Sheng died, and her death caused a deviation in his otherwise linear life. Han Sheng's death made certain things within him lose their place in this world, and with her passing, they vanished from existence, draining most of the joy from his life. In his later years, when he reflected on this person, he would feel a bit of melancholy, but that was just how it was. Yet, Han Sheng died, and her death caused a deviation in his otherwise linear life. Han Sheng's death made certain things within him lose their place in this world, and with her passing, they vanished from existence, draining most of the joy from his life.
Ren Jing left in haste, arriving with great ambition and leaving in a flurry of footsteps
Finally, Du Cheng reached out and firmly patted Tong Yehui on the shoulder, then held his shoulder in silence for a moment. For some reason, he felt that Tong Yehui was the only one who needed comfort regarding the matter of Han Sheng's death. This comfort was akin to saying to the bereaved family of the deceased: "May you find peace in your sorrow"
In fact, at that trading company, although Han Sheng was the legal representative, she had no real power at all. She was completely uninvolved in all company affairs; everyone knew that the one who called the shots was Tong Yehui. Since Tong Yehui did not take her seriously, no one else did either. She found herself in an awkward position, completely sidelined. Everyone isolated her with disdainful attitudes. Ultimately, she felt that staying in the company was meaningless, so she simply stopped going, spending her days at home, guarding her small territory, waiting for Tong Yehui to return home.
In the corner, a floor lamp flickered a few times, casting a shadow in the dim light. Tong Yehui was drawn to the flickering light and looked over, tears suddenly streaming down his face: "Hansheng, you must remember to hate me, keep a record of all the wrongs I have done to you, and when I am gone too, you can reclaim them one by one." He finally choked up: "Hansheng, do not forget me."
Tong Yehui was lost in thought, while Ren Jing waved her beautiful palm in front of his eyes. He came to his senses and looked at her.
Han Sheng was buried in a public cemetery in the western suburbs. The grave site chosen for her by Du Cheng and Tong Yehui was not particularly luxurious, surrounded by identical tombstones. She occupied only a small plot of land, indistinguishable from others. They all shared a somewhat similar sentiment: once a person has died, what is the point of going to great lengths to ostentatiously display their grief? Who are they doing this for? At this moment, such actions seemed overly sentimental and hypocritical. Although they were all hypocritical individuals, the deceased Han Sheng made it unbearable for them to further desecrate her memory.
Han Sheng and her mother's graves are separated by half a mountain, allowing the mother and daughter to gaze at each other from a distance. However, the distance between them is not close. Tong Yehui feels that if souls truly exist, Han Sheng should be content with this place. Han Sheng both longs to be near her mother and wishes to escape from her at a distance. Her love for her is unfulfilled; she loves her yet also hates her. Tong Yehui is aware of all this; he knows everything, yet he has never shown any compassion. Now that the person has passed away, everything has changed.
Emerging from the cemetery, Du Cheng and Tong Yehui walked in silence to their respective cars. Du Cheng wanted to say something to Tong Yehui, but he opened his mouth and ultimately said nothing. In fact, they had never been this awkward with each other before, but over the years, whenever the topic of Han Sheng came up, they found themselves at a loss for words.
Tong Yehui remained silent, nodding towards Du Cheng, and they each got into their cars and drove away. In fact, ever since he received the news of Han Sheng's death that day, Tong Yehui felt as if he had lost the strength to speak. He began to become taciturn, only speaking when absolutely necessary, and even then, he would refrain from speaking if he could. Over these days, he suddenly began to understand why Han Sheng had stopped talking to him later on. It was not that he was deliberately making things difficult for him or causing him distress; it was simply that there was a lack of vitality within him, a deficiency of that life force needed to carry on. He only spoke when absolutely necessary, and even then, he would refrain from speaking if he could. Over these days, he suddenly began to understand why Han Sheng had stopped talking to him later on. It was not that he was deliberately making things difficult for him or causing him distress; it was simply that there was a lack of vitality within him, a deficiency of that life force needed to carry on.
Dust to dust, earth to earth, rest in peace
After a day of mundane busyness, as the end of the workday approached, Ren Jing entered the room right on time. She walked with a clean and brisk energy, striding in confidently, her wide skirt billowing around her calves. At this moment, her entrance did not require any announcement; this was the tacit understanding among Tong Yehui, Deng Hui, and her. She knew exactly when to do what, and she had a firm grasp of the appropriate boundaries.
In fact, what difference would it have made if I had just promised her back then? Her loud shouting was merely a way to seek his attention.
Tong Yehui watched Ren Jing leave, observing her as she walked out the door, his eyelids half lowered, revealing no discernible emotion. He had never been one to speak of his own shortcomings; he was hypocritical and self-righteous, and lies had become a habit for him. Yet just moments ago, when he candidly analyzed himself in front of Ren Jing, he spoke nothing but the truth. Those words, once spoken, brought him a sense of refreshing relief.
Tong Yehui occupied a large private room by himself, drinking alcohol sip by sip. The taste was unpleasant, and it burned from his throat all the way down to his stomach, causing a fiery pain. Recently, his tolerance for alcohol had increased, making it seem increasingly difficult to reach the hazy state of drunkenness. In the end, he lost track of how much he had consumed and how long he had been drinking. His head buzzed, and he felt a rising urge to vomit, unable to drink any more, he slumped sideways onto the sofa.
It is nothing, Tong Yehui replied calmly
A week later, the regretful burial took place without a proper funeral, and not even a body was found. The crashed plane had fallen into a trench in the Pacific Ocean, several thousand feet deep, and no modern technology could salvage it.
Tong Yehui returned to work at the company. From a young age, he harbored great ambitions for his life as he began to understand the ways of the world. In the prime of his life, he created a thriving business empire, and he intends for his empire to continue flourishing until his middle and old age. It is his instinct to dedicate all his energy to it, although it seems that some things have taken on a different meaning for him now.
The man, sprawled out with his limbs wide open, did not maintain that position for long. A few seconds later, he suddenly turned over, half of his body hanging outside, and began to vomit violently. There was little in his stomach, and what came out was mostly alcohol. Initially, he vomited in a tumultuous manner, but eventually, it was just bile. In the end, he could not expel anything more and was left retching, each heave a heart-wrenching sound, as if his very stomach were about to be expelled. The ground was a patch of greenish-yellow, and the air was filled with a strong smell of alcohol and sourness. This man was in a state of utter disarray and misery.
Tong Yehui could not answer why either. His marriage and life are also parts he has managed, but he no longer wishes to manage this aspect. It seems that ever since Han Sheng passed away, a part of his world has been overturned, though it is still not entirely clear. He knows that in the end, the person Han Sheng loved the most and hated the most was still herself. What she ultimately sought was probably a harmonious union with herself for a hundred years, which he can no longer provide, and thus he does not wish to offer it to anyone else.
Tong Yehui's prolonged silence lasted for a long time, so long that Ren Jing's smile was about to fade. He said: "I am sorry, I can no longer marry you"