Chapter 9, Do not pretend to be a big shot, or you will be struck by lightning

Liu Bang could no longer tolerate it. He opened his hand, pointing at me, and shouted: "Bold servant, do you dare to treat me this way!" I seized his collar and sternly said: "Do not pretend to be something you are not; those who do will be struck by lightning!" I told him, "The First Emperor of Qin is looming over you; with his appetite, he could easily consume you!"

At nearly 10 o'clock in the evening, I arranged to go to bed and told Li Shishi: "You go ahead and sleep alone; your sister-in-law will come to keep you company in a little while." Then I said to Ying Pangzi and Jing Ersha: "Are you two going to sleep together, or is there anyone who would like to share a room with me?"

Let me put it this way: my defense against an ordinary ugly woman is -100, against an ordinary woman -500, and against a beauty like Li Shishi, it is negative two circles (infinity). I actually ate two more bowls of rice in front of Li MM, only half a jin less than Ying Pangzi.

At this point, the difference between someone who has been an emperor and a hero becomes apparent. These two individuals clearly do not realize that Li Shishi is deliberately trying to please them; they are very focused on the issue at hand and completely oblivious to Li's overwhelming charm. In the Qin royal family, even the maids who clean the toilets are selected from the six states, and Jing Ke received exceptionally high treatment from Prince Dan (so high that I can hardly imagine it; I suspect that even the attendants serving tea and towels are virgins). These two have at least +800 in their defense against beautiful women. In the Qin royal family, even the maids who clean the toilets are selected from the six states, and Jing Ke received exceptionally high treatment from Prince Dan (so high that I can hardly imagine it; I suspect that even the attendants serving tea and towels are virgins). These two have at least +800 in their defense against beautiful women.

I believe it is essential for me to instill the correct perspective on love in Li MM, allowing her to regain her confidence in finding true love. I borrowed a phrase that my mother always says when she sees me: "If there is someone suitable, you should find one, you are not getting any younger..."

I pushed him down and pointed at Liu Laoliu's nose, cursing: "You bastard, what do you mean by bringing Xiang Yu and Liu Bang together?"

Xiang Yu completely ignored me. In order to ease the awkwardness, Liu Lao Liu said, "There’s another one outside." He waved his hand again, and a yellow-faced man walked in with an air of importance. He glanced at me, nodded slightly, and then lifted his robe to sit down at the table—truly knows how to choose a high place. I said to him, "You should sit over there, it’s more comfortable." I pointed to the sofa

Upon hearing this, Baozi became anxious and said: "How can you ask someone for money?"

Then the big man thudded down onto the sofa, holding his head and remaining silent, looking extremely gloomy. Liu Laoliu, with a grin, pointed at him and said: "Xiang Yu—The Hegemon of Chu." I quickly stood up and said: "Ah, Brother Yu, I beg your pardon." Although Xiang Yu ultimately met with failure, he is universally recognized as a hero from ancient times, the first hegemon in history, and I certainly did not have the courage to challenge him. It seemed that he could easily throw me to Iraq with just his left hand, provided he wasn't left-handed.

At this moment, I was even moved. I held her slender waist, walking in the endless night. A few unruly rascals whistled at us, but when we appeared under the streetlight, they scattered in all directions. It was hard to say whether they were frightened by the brick in my hand or if they recognized the face of the bun.

I casually pointed to the sofa across and said lightly, "Please sit, brother, which dynasty are you from?" Now that I have more lice than I can count, and with Qin Shi Huang sleeping in the bunk above me, how could I easily be deceived by anyone?

It is no wonder that each of the suitors who once courted her were high-ranking nobles and young lords, yet they preferred to compete with each other out of jealousy rather than consider rescuing Li Shishi from her plight. This included the later Emperor Huizong and the renowned poet Zhou Bangyan. On one occasion, Zhou, in high spirits, went out to indulge, only to be blocked at the door by Huizong. Left with no choice, he had to hide under the bed and listen to his superior being intimate with Miss Li. Consumed by jealousy, he even composed a risqué message mocking Huizong, which resulted in his exile from the capital. Later, Huizong felt quite embarrassed about the situation and brought him back, granting him a position of moderate rank. The exchanges between these two men clearly indicate that in their eyes, Li Shishi was regarded merely as a courtesan.

I nodded and said, "Then let's do it this way. I will go pick up the buns after work, and you all can return to your respective rooms"

I went to pick up Baozi, and I need to explain the situation regarding Li Shishi to her. I have come up with a comprehensive plan: I will say that Li Shishi—Wang Yuannan is my cousin, a fashion model, and she is just staying with us temporarily, and she will pay rent. Baozi is not materialistic, but placing me in a relationship of interest with another woman can help prevent her from overthinking.

In fact, some readers have already discovered that with 5 people sleeping in 3 rooms, using combinatorial methods can yield numerous results (I scored 26 points in my math college entrance exam). Among these, there is one arrangement that suits us: I and Baozi in one room, Li Shishi in a single room, and Ersha and the fat guy in another room, disregarding the fat guy's opinion. The greatest advantage of this arrangement is that I can sneak into another room at night, while the biggest drawback is that Baozi and Tushuguan will definitely know about my plan, making it unrealistic.

That night, my girlfriend was sleeping next to a young lady, I had an assassin next door, and lying on my camp bed was Qin Shi Huang, while I set up my bedding far away from him—I was afraid he might fall and crush me

I glanced at the giant Xiang Yu and pointed at Liu Bang, saying: "This person— you can beat him up, but don't kill him; we have our rules here." Xiang Yu, holding his head, replied dejectedly: "Rest assured, I won't hit him."

My nerves have become quite strong, almost to the point of peripheral necrosis, to the extent that the next day, when I saw Liu Laoliu, I couldn't even be bothered to acknowledge him. I weakly asked, "Who have you brought this time?" Liu Laoliu waved his hand behind him, and my glass door was immediately blocked, shrouded in darkness. A giant, slightly shorter than Yao Ming, entered, wrapped in a raincoat, which was stretched tightly over his muscles, making a creaking sound. As he entered, he casually pulled off the raincoat, revealing a fine armor underneath, suggesting he was a high-ranking officer. His thick and bushy eyebrows pointed towards the sky like two watermelon knives. This man had a fierce appearance, yet his expression was desolate; after entering the room, he merely glanced at me and remained silent.

And I, poor me, face buns every day. Writers with fewer than 5 VIP works on https://m.hetushu.com are strictly prohibited from attempting to describe the appearance of my girlfriend

Liu Lao Liu lit a cigarette and said with a smile, "It's fine, the two of them have stopped arguing."

The yellow-faced man glanced at me and arrogantly declared, "I am the sovereign of the Nine-Five, how could I possibly submit to others?"

Qin Shi Huang said: "I am hungry and want to sleep with you, this foolish person snores while sleeping."

Li Shishi pulled me aside and quietly asked if I needed to lock the door when sleeping. I told her that as long as I am not there, it is completely unnecessary

This person is truly difficult to deal with. I patiently said to him: "This is not a place for people to sit." The yellow-faced figure coughed lightly and declared: "I am not a human to begin with. In the past, my mother saw a dragon coiling above, and thus became pregnant, leading to my birth. I started the uprising by slaying the white serpent..."

During the meal, we chatted quite animatedly. Li Shishi only spoke sweetly, constantly asking Ying the Fat how he initially thought of the arduous tasks of standardizing weights and measures and building the Great Wall, yet she did not mention at all the matters of burning books and burying scholars or the notorious reputation of Qin Shi Huang's mother (who was known for her romantic escapades). She also inquired about some details regarding sword dancing from Jing Ke, who arrogantly declared like a character from a martial arts novel: "I only know how to kill, not how to dance with a sword." What a boastful claim.

Seeing Li MM's heartbroken expression, it seems as if she has been deeply hurt by all the men in the world