Chapter 1: One's Own Maze

During that time, in my life, the only things that could make me lose track of time were work and surfing the internet. When my mind was idle, I would think of Liu Yan. It has been 4 years since I first remembered her, and although this girl has completely disappeared from my life, as if she never truly existed, I still cannot forget her. When I am bored, I wonder how she is doing now. Thinking of her is particularly painful; I cannot sleep for entire nights, and it feels as if my head is splitting open with pain. It has been 4 years since I first remembered her, and although this girl has completely disappeared from my life, as if she never truly existed, I still cannot forget her. When I am bored, I wonder how she is doing now. Thinking of her is particularly painful; I cannot sleep for entire nights, and it feels as if my head is splitting open with pain.

For this girl, I have a deep attachment, a strong desire to see her and to have her! However, in reality, I cannot remember some events that occurred during the interrupted period. Four years ago, I experienced an accident and subsequently lost part of my memory. Sometimes, I vaguely recall certain scenes from that time, but I doubt whether they are real or merely fabricated by my mind, feeling particularly unreal! Therefore, some scenes in my thoughts resemble images from a severely worn-out disc, flickering and unclear, and may even suddenly skip a few frames, making it impossible to ascertain the story within. Sometimes, I vaguely recall certain scenes from that time, but I doubt whether they are real or merely fabricated by my mind, feeling particularly unreal! Therefore, some scenes in my thoughts resemble images from a severely worn-out disc, flickering and unclear, and may even suddenly skip a few frames, making it impossible to ascertain the story within.

However, it was only when I truly faced the corpse that I felt an indescribable panic. What left me even more at a loss was the sight of a female corpse

Therefore, during that time in the hospital, I felt as though I had become nothing more than a shell, much like the rigid corpses I had encountered in my previous work, devoid of any soul

But where is she now

Some say that the human body is the most perfect creation bestowed by heaven and should be respected, just as one respects the Creator Himself However, when such a beautiful entity appears before you lifeless, pale, and dim, it only evokes a sense of futile despair in one's heart

The only thing that can make me stop thinking about her is work. From this perspective, work has ironically become my life anesthetic. It is amusing to think about it!

But why can't I remember some things? Why is there a blank in my memory?

That was shortly after I started my job. We received a report of a body found by the river in Chan City. I, along with the veteran forensic expert Lao Min from the criminal investigation team, prepared the necessary equipment for the forensic examination and accompanied the investigators to the crime scene.

That case, although it was my first time participating in the investigation, I did not delve deeply into the details of the case. Listening to the redundant accounts of the motive and process of the crime only made the innocent face of that woman constantly appear in my mind. Therefore, even now, I still do not know the reason why that woman was murdered

The father's account has made me even more worried; Liu Yan has no family at all! When she was young, her father betrayed her mother due to his indulgence. Her mother, overwhelmed by grief and anger, killed that unfaithful man with a knife after suffering a mental breakdown, and has since been receiving treatment in a psychiatric hospital. Liu Yan was raised by her aunt, which has become an enduring pain in her heart

Hearing his words, I squinted and smiled, thinking, what do you take me for, to ruin myself? I am a man! After saying this, I slapped my chest, making a loud "bang bang" sound. Gao Yuan said I still couldn't forget Liu Yan. I retorted, "Who said that! The one thing I don't lack is women!" Gao Yuan chuckled and did not argue further. This made me feel as if I had been seen through.

Therefore, I rarely allow my thoughts to come to a halt

Later, someone asked me whether forensic pathologists experience "evil" thoughts when encountering the dissection of female corpses. I understood his intention; he wanted to know if forensic pathologists have sexual fantasies. I smiled and did not answer. I thought that if I told him there were no associations, only despair, he certainly would not believe it. Because before that, I myself did not believe it! Therefore, it is better not to say anything!

Since he discovered me on the rooftop, Gaoyuan has been inviting me out for drinks from time to time. I know there isn't much going on in his studio, and I am also glad to have someone to chat with and indulge in drunken antics. When he gets drunk, Gaoyuan says, "Old Deng, you are the only brother I have here, and I must take responsibility for you. I cannot let you ruin yourself."—I am considered older among my classmates, so they are accustomed to calling me "Old Deng"

During that dissection, I had not yet clearly seen the structures and organs beneath the layer of fat that I had once been so familiar with; my gaze had not even focused on those objects. Although I later played a significant role in the analysis of the case, contributing to its eventual resolution, it did not bring me a shred of joy. The face of that woman lingered in my mind, conveying something that I could not shake off. Although I later played a significant role in the analysis of the case, contributing to its eventual resolution, it did not bring me a shred of joy. The face of that woman lingered in my mind, conveying something that I could not shake off.

Father said he does not know either

When I drink, I take out a phone to look at. This phone contains the numbers from before I came to this city, and I have never turned it off. It is my only connection with Liu Yan. Although it has not rung since Liu Yan left, I believe that one day it will ring again. At that time, Liu Yan will be on the phone crying about how much she misses me, and she will come back to reunite with me

"You are a very loving couple," he said to me, "this is certain!"

The several old police officers nearby chuckled quietly

Why am I in the hospital? What has happened?

Some matters concerning Liu Yan were gradually recalled after a considerable period of time. Those long-lost memories surged towards me like waves approaching from afar, layer upon layer, all depicting our affectionate moments

I remember that when I woke up from the hospital, it took me a long time to recall past events. There was even a period when I could not remember who Liu Yan was when others mentioned her in front of me. It was only when others told me that I was with that girl at the time of the incident that I realized this name held a special significance for me

When Lao Min handed me a scalpel and instructed me to open the chest cavity of the corpse, I felt my wrist go weak and could not bring myself to cut into that pale skin. Lao Min glanced at me, took back the scalpel, and told me to watch how he did it

People often ask me what it is like to be a forensic expert. I am unsure where to begin. I remember during my first class in forensic science, my mentor, Zhong Renzhi, introduced the subject by saying that in ordinary perception, the world is three-dimensional, but in the forensic perspective, the world should be viewed as four-dimensional. That space, which ordinary people cannot perceive, belongs to the realm of forensic experts. In this world, you will encounter some unusual and distorted phenomena, as well as extraordinary experiences, discovering yourself or losing yourself. That space, which ordinary people cannot perceive, belongs to the realm of forensic experts. In this world, you will encounter some unusual and distorted phenomena, as well as extraordinary experiences, discovering yourself or losing yourself. This statement once evoked a vague sense of fear in me, leading me to associate it with horror films.

Old Min patted my shoulder and said there are things even more disgusting than this! From now on, it will just be a habit for Xi and the illustrations and books. I stared at Old Min's hands, which had just finished dissecting a corpse, and felt my shoulder go numb for a while. Not long after, when I encountered the dissection of a decayed body, I finally understood what he meant by "more disgusting"!

The apartment I live in is rented from Gao Yuan, located in a very old community. To save on costs, I rented the top floor. After I arrived here, he asked me to move in to keep him company. I understood that he was taking care of a brother and voluntarily agreed to share half of the rent with him. He did not refuse. Firstly, I insist that one should not owe a brother in financial matters, and secondly, he indeed needs someone to share the burden. A good brother does not require much explanation. Firstly, I insist that one should not owe a brother in financial matters, and secondly, he indeed needs someone to share the burden. A good brother does not require much explanation.

Do not rush, take your time to adjust, and you will remember it.

Once, during a storm, I thought of Liu Yan and ran to the rooftop to drink. As a result, Gao Yuan found me and pulled me back inside. He later said I nearly scared him to death; he saw me standing on the edge of the rooftop, swaying in the wind and rain, as if I was about to fall off. But I remember nothing of it. Every time I get drunk, I forget the scenes from that moment, and it takes me a long time to confirm what happened. Therefore, I laughed at him: "What do you think, that I would seek my own demise?!"

"It was just a minor accident, there won't be any issues," said my father

Above is the loneliness of one person, below is the solitude of many. And I will silently shout in my heart: "You are lonelier than I am"

Gaoyuan is my classmate and good buddy. He arrived in this city before me and originally worked at a law firm. Later, he ventured out on his own and established a legal studio. His financial situation is also not good; he only earns money when he takes on cases. In his words: "I am also a laborer waiting for work, sometimes well-fed and sometimes hungry"

Liu Yan is my fiancée. Before coming to this city, we lived happily in Chan City, carefree in our love, dreaming all day of the beautiful things to come. The moonlight over the river, the moments we spent together, every time I think of them, it fills me with nostalgia and makes my heart race. The joyful times we once shared are vivid in my memory, and her every smile and frown are deeply etched in my mind. How much I love her! However, at a certain point in time, our lives were abruptly interrupted without warning; she suddenly vanished from my world and has not appeared again.

As a forensic pathologist, the first distorted thing I encounter is, of course, the corpse! Although I was mentally prepared for this, the psychological shock I experienced during my first actual autopsy is something that I can never forget, no matter what.

That was my first time facing a true corpse! Although I had seen my teacher wield a knife during school, we merely regarded the bodies under his knife as specimens, approaching it with the mindset of observing the dissection of a small white mouse, watching as the teacher sliced and opened the tissues of the human body, explaining to us. Some classmates even joked nearby, pointing out which parts were fatty and which were lean. Such opportunities are rare, and we have only had a few chances like this!

When I cannot sleep, I take a bottle of white liquor and go up to the rooftop of my house, drinking while facing the neon lights on the street, allowing the dazzling colors to dazzle my eyes. Watching the ebb and flow of people on the street, those seemingly lively crowds appear to me as nothing more than a group of ants wandering aimlessly.

Since the moment they saw the confusion on my face, those around me have tacitly refrained from mentioning the girl named Liu Yan in my presence. Strangely enough, the more they avoid it, the stronger my longing for her becomes. Thus, I find myself particularly eager to recall the past, especially the image of that girl. This feeling is one that even I find difficult to explain

My father rarely spoke of accidents, yet this was precisely what I was most eager to know. Until one day, unable to withstand my persistent questioning, he briefly mentioned that Liu Yan and I had an incident during an outing, where we were poisoned by carbon monoxide in a guesthouse. Both Liu Yan and I lost our memories and could not recall our past, but Liu Yan was less severely affected and had already recovered and been discharged from the hospital. Her family took her away from this city, and now I do not know where she has gone. Both Liu Yan and I lost our memories and could not recall our past, but Liu Yan was less severely affected and had already recovered and been discharged from the hospital. Her family took her away from this city, and now I do not know where she has gone

In the midst of speaking, he had already plunged the knife into the chest of the female corpse. I saw the human fat splitting open under the scalpel, and heard the "gurgling" sound emitted from the chest cavity due to the pressure, as the bloody smell spread all around. Finally, unable to endure it any longer, I ran to the side and vomited.

Lao Min intended to test my courage by asking me to undress the female corpse and examine the injuries on the surface of the body. For a university student in their twenties who had just graduated and entered the publishing industry, the implications were difficult to articulate. I felt as if something was pressing down on my forehead at that moment! That thing kept speaking to me, offering encouragement, inducing embarrassment, instilling fear, and... causing frustration... I was also conversing with that thing in my mind, receiving encouragement! It kept speaking to me, offering encouragement, inducing embarrassment, instilling fear, and... causing frustration... During this process, I undid the deceased's clothing. A naked female body lay before me!

I can no longer remember who told me at that time, but I can clearly recall the look of surprise that appeared on that person's face when they saw my reaction. This situation has often occurred after my incident: I can distinctly remember someone's expression, yet I cannot recall who that person was! Or I may vividly remember a fragment of a certain event, but I cannot piece together the beginning and end of the entire matter!

And now, I can dissect any corpse without a moment's hesitation, calmly rummaging through the internal organs, immersed in the fourth-dimensional space described by my master—sometimes, those objects still retain warmth

Whenever such issues arise, my father would step forward to clarify and resolve them, presenting numerous reasons to comfort me

My work is quite unique; I am a chief forensic medical officer in the Criminal Investigation Division of the Beijiang City Public Security Bureau. I have been in this forensic position for eleven years

However, that time, I truly felt despair

In fact, for me, idleness is the most painful thing. When my mind is idle, even alcohol, surfing the internet, or occasionally bringing a woman home for the night (I mean even that) cannot erase my longing for Liu Yan—though I can hardly remember what she looks like.

Now, I can get myself very drunk, and then stand at the edge of the rooftop, letting the wind tousle my hair. That position has a feeling that makes one’s soul wander, as if I am floating in the air. That feeling can be addictive

Yes, it will definitely be like this

But how can I not be anxious? The girl I love has lost contact, and I long to see her so much

What frustrates me is that I still cannot recall Liu Yan's appearance! This situation, which sounds utterly absurd, has indeed happened to me! Moreover, there are still aspects of those past events that I am uncertain about, and I am unclear whether the facts are as such.